How much would you pay for three hours of private tutelage with Justin Wayne, Dating Coach?
Oh, you thought that Bikram Zumba Cycle instructor worked you hard? That’s child’s play!
You paid for three hours, and you’re not leaving until you’re having sex with a stranger on top of the heirloom tomato cart at the local farmer's market.
I'm only kinda kidding.
Justin Wayne (not his real name) grew up in the Caribbean, where the community was so small you couldn't hit on women without earning a reputation. He moved to New York, where you can act like a homeless guy one day and put on a business suit the next day, and no one will know (his analogy). He started sleeping with hundreds of women, including a few unnamed celebrities, and people started asking for advice. It quickly turned into a flourishing business that now charges upwards of $1000 for a few hours of coaching.
He says many of his clients are in their twenties and thirties, that a lot of them are perfectly cool dudes who, for whatever reason, just aren't having the success that they would like. Justin says he differentiates himself because many of his clients are guys who have dated and slept with 9s and 10s (again, his words) but are looking to become more consistent in their approach of women.
So, if you pay $1,000+ for a session with Justin, what do you get? Justin will take you to a public place (like, yes, the local farmer's market), where he will not let you even begin the coaching session until you have completed at least five “warm-ups.” “Warm-ups” is Justin’s term for interactions with a female stranger that aren’t intended to culminate in a “result.” (Terminology often begets more terminology, I quickly found out.) A “result” can be anything from a phone number to a kiss to simply a pleasant conversation.
After warm-ups, you’ll move onto “Escalation Drills,” or interactions with a female that include flirting, which manifests itself in some form of touching.
I met Justin’s client for the day, whom we’ll call Alec. Alec just went through a tough break-up, so to help him get through his funk, he shelled out “over a thousand dollars.”
In my head, I actually envisioned it went for $1,001, as if some loser named Billy bid a cool thou for Justin’s services on The Price is Right, and then Alec swooped in, and was all, “Eff that! I’m using the PIR Asshole Strategy!”
Anyway, Alec is a cool dude. When he met me, he said, “Hey, what’s up, man, I’m Alec.” He had that cool hair where it’s sort of a Mohawk but kind of isn’t. He did not seem socially inept by any standard.
So why did this perfectly ept dude need to pay someone to help him meet ladies?
The session started, and I had my answer soon enough.
Justin told Alec to begin his warm-ups, and Alec’s face contorted into a terrified expression I hadn’t seen since Patrick Wilson in The Conjuring.
OK, I only saw the trailer. That movie looked terrifying.
But Mr. Wilson himself would have commended Alec for his brilliant portrayal of a guy who was clearly about to have a nervous breakdown. Anyone within 100 feet could sense that this guy wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole filled comfort food, pornography (this hole has great wi-fi), and a signed affidavit claiming he’d never have to do this exercise again.
As a reminder: the goal of the exercise was to say “Hello” to someone.
Justin took mercy on Alec and joined him. Holy crap he was good at this. One particularly effective opening line he used was: “Excuse me, do you know where I can get a really fresh fruit juice around here? Like, really fresh?”
The woman paused to think about it. If Justin were a burglar, that tiny pause was her doggie door. Just enough room to squeeze in and start chatting her up.
I couldn’t believe what I was watching. This is New York City. You can’t make it from 42nd Street to 42nd-and-a-half Street without being asked “Wanna see a comedy show?” two hundred times. People never stop and talk to someone.
Woman after woman. Doggie door after doggie door.
Justin then demonstrated another daring tactic: complimenting a woman’s scarf. Revolutionary? Not on its own. But try it on a woman who isn’t wearing a scarf.
Is that idiotic? Is it borderline genius? I don’t know, but goddammit it worked.
“What? I’m not even wearing a scarf!” Boom. Two-second window. Bow wow.
Justin and his team have spent years tracking the stats on every single move in order to determine which one(s) will lead to the greatest success rates.
Success for a man, per Justin Wayne, means sex.
“The only thing that moves the world is science,” Justin mused. “Sure, there’s love, but from a physical view, it’s science. Statistics.”
The most successful physical move he showed me was the “Stop-Point.” You tap a woman on the shoulder while pointing in the opposite direction. She is infinitely more likely pause and look where you’re pointing.
“It doesn’t even matter what you say — you’ve got her attention,” Justin said of the Stop Point. “Then you can be like, ‘Hey, you look like you’ve got an artsy vibe…’”
It’s so simple! Yet it feels a bit devious and manipulative.
“I am morally neutral,” Justin explained. “As long as the guy is not lying about who he really is.”
It’s good advice that Justin himself follows very closely. He’s like the Heisenberg of dating — he plays by his own rules and he’s got a dope pseudonym.
After Justin showed Alec these seemingly simple moves, it was the student’s turn to get behind the wheel. The word “yikes” came to mind several times.
It was like watching the football team put on blonde wigs and skirts to cheer at the Powderpuff Game. Technically, they are doing cheerleader moves, but it’s a fumbling mess and no one feels good about themselves while bearing witness to it.
One of Justin’s top assistant coaches, Bruce, took over Alec’s lesson. All coaches for Justin Wayne Dating are given their own Wayne family coaching pseudonyms, making this guy Bruce Wayne. Sadly, he was not wearing head to toe black leather.
Once Justin and I were alone (ooh-la-la), he explained his philosophies on dating: a woman is judged about 70% on her looks, and 30% on her personality/intangibles; men are judged via a 70-30 split the other way.
“Equal attracts equal,” he told me. “But women want to date someone from their tribe. A girl would prefer to date a 6 or a 7 from her social circle over a 10 from the street.”
That’s why so many of his coaching sessions are “Stranger Approach.” According to Justin’s data, it’s ten times more difficult than approaching a woman who is already in your social circle.
Kenyan marathoners train at altitude. Serious daters hit on strangers.
Conspiracy theory alert!
Justin and I curtailed our chat in order to check in on Alec. I started to suspect that Alec was a very convincing actor, hired to demonstrate the efficacy of the program.
A lost deer in the forest of New York a mere 30 minutes ago, Alec was suavely chatting up a very attractive female. Way to go, Alec! (And way to go, Talent Agency That Secretly Cast Alec!)
“Well,” he hedged after the woman walked away, “I only got her email address. I’m actually deleting it right now.”
Ummm. What?
“That’s a baller move, deleting it,” Bruce affirmed. “Emails don’t fucking matter.”
He says this with such authority that I’m inclined to believe him. Statistics can be a bitch.
David Ingber is a writer living in New York. Read about his previous experience undergoing dating coaching here.
Photo Credit: Independent Pictures
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