An Ode to Taking Off Your Bra Before Bed

Go ahead. Slide it off. Cast it aside with the dramatic flair of Bette Davis. A choir of angels sing from above. You are free! We are expected to believe that Carrie Bradshaw sleeps and has sex in her bra. Then again, we’re also expected to believe that your average woman's Fleet Week experience is a sensual Motown dance with Daniel Sunjata.

Yeah, not likely.

Some backstory: Until a few years ago, I wore the same bras I had from high school, when I was a cup size bigger and cared less about adequate support than I did about picking the right Pink Floyd quote for my AIM profile. In the years since then, the elastic on these bras has loosened and sagged, and whenever friends of mine were like, “Jesus, I can’t wait to go home and take off this bra,” I was always like, “Why? Mine are all really comfortable! It’s like wearing a gossamer dream on my b00bies!” However, the byproduct of this comfort was that I was 24 but had the breasts of a 62-year-old Fort Lauderdale housewife. (Maybe I am being melodramatic, since they’re not big enough to sag, but guys always seemed pleasantly surprised when I took my bra off.)

Eventually, around that age where you realize that you have cripplingly low self-esteem and discover that buying nice things briefly fixes that, I went bra shopping. And finally, in the kind of fancy lingerie store where engaged women go to pick out their never-having-sex-with-anyone-but-him-ever-again honeymoon thongs or whatever, I actually got my proper measurements and a few demi-cup options from a helpful saleswoman. Now I am 26, and my breasts look 26, but holy shit, I DIDN'T KNOW. I HAD NO IDEA. That contraption hurts like hell. Yes, it is delightful on occasion to have the pushed-up boobs of a big-haired country crossover star, especially since small-chested women like me wouldn't have any without adequate padding, but holy shit. Beauty is pain. Or, at least, moderate discomfort. It's like binding your chest like Christina Ricci/Flashback Roberta in Now and Then every day.

Anyway, after a full day of wearing a properly fitted and flattering bra, the moment you unclasp it and take it off, your girls thank you. Profusely.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty

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Some Things You Must Be Aware Of Before He Comes On Your Face (Or Wherever)

One of the many joys of semen (hi, Mom) is that it can go in you, on you, around you, on that old Che Guevara poster your old roommate left in your living room that you’ve been too lazy to take down — anywhere! Here are some important things to consider before you are baptized in some dude’s magical life-giving seed. (Or you could just skip all of these tips and watch those Oikos commercials with John Stamos. Because it’s kind of like that, metaphorically, somehow.)

If this isn’t really your thing… You can totally like a guy a lot, or even love him, but still get the icks at the mere idea of this — whether it’s physical or emotional. For instance: If this guy is generally an a*shole to you, letting him do this when you’re not into it might just make you feel worse. (No, this will not make him text you more.)

On the other hand, if it’s with a committed boy who loves you, it might turn you on because you’re spicing things up, or even just because you’re turning him on. As the Romantic poet Percy Byssche Shelley once put it, “It all depends who’s jizzing on you.”

Either way, if you don’t want to do it, it’s always appropriate to give them a firm “No.” But if you’re into it, keep reading.

Your anatomy provides more than a few options. Perhaps I am stating the obvious here, but your face, breasts, stomach, thighs, and any other physical body part you possess makes a viable surface for jizz. So if you don’t want to start with, say, a hardcore facial, but you could be into it, pick something you’re both okay with. Besides, he’s acting out porn. He’ll be psyched no matter what you do.

There’s nothing inherently anti-feminist about getting a facial. It always surprises me how many people consider getting a cumshot to the face anti-feminist because it signifies degradation. Those people aren’t feminists, they’re just judgmental. Feminism’s about choice, whether it’s loving facials, hating ‘em, or having your boyfriend ride you like a pony with a ball gag in your mouth. Whatever. You do you.

And on facials, specifically.:

It won't ruin your skin. Rachel Needle, psychologist Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, "It has been known to be a good moisturizer. So go have fun and experiment with cum all over your body, even try rubbing it in." However, beware of STIs — and make sure you're not allergic to the proteins found in semen.

Onto the brass tacks. You should start off doing something else to stimulate each other before getting in the appropriate position when he thinks he’s close. Otherwise you’re sitting there staring blankly into the head of his glue whistle for 20 minutes, thinking about the fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt you are having for lunch tomorrow.

You should look at his face. Often when you’re in more conventional sex positions, you can’t see his expressions. Watching his face as he begins to lose control is surprisingly empowering. (And really hot.)

For the love of God, have him warn you right before he comes. Because if you don’t it’s going to fly at your unsuspecting face like a swarm of rabid bats.

SQUEEZE your eyes shut. Like, don’t just close them, really squeeze them, or else when you open them again, it’s just… it’s bad. Not that I have ever had to google “cum in eyes need doctor?” before or anything.

Be prepared for those few super-awkward minutes afterwards. Porn generally doesn't show the aftermath of a healthy-sized cumshot to the face, which usually involves copious amounts of towels, momentary blindness and laughter. It's okay to laugh! Part of the fun. Oh, and make sure to check your hair to avoid a There's Something About Mary situation.

Okay, I have prepared you to the best of my ability. Go with God.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Image courtesy HBO

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WAIT! Before You Move In Together...

When it comes to love, some manic-pixie-dream-girl types like to say there are no rules.  But there are definitely certain things that you should never do, like sleep with your therapist or have a baby with a drummer.  The point is follow your heart but don’t be a dummy.

Moving in with your partner is not like trying a side part. It’s a BFD and you should really think it through before you take the plunge.  Below are six essential tips, gathered from relationship experts and seasoned friends, to consider before sharing a lease with your lover.

1. The “Talk”

An essential question to ask yourself before moving in together, is WHY? Why are you doing this? Is it out of financial convenience? Is this a step toward marriage? Whatever the reason is, make sure you are in sync. Remember on Girls when Shoshanna suddenly realized that her boyfriend, Ray, basically moved in even though they never discussed it? Let’s all learn from Shosh and not let a guy twice our age crash with us because he’s existentially depressed.

Dana, 34, recalls, “Before my now-husband moved in, we definitely talked about what we wanted long-term. Knowing we both wanted to live creative lives and have babies meant we had a future. So I'd say definitely go over the big things before moving in.”

2. Money Talks

Like most people, I would rather watch my parents 69 than have a conversation about finances.  However, if you are moving in together, you need to have an honest money chat. How is rent going to be divided? 50/50? What if one of you makes way more money? What about bills?  It’s not as fun as sexting, but it’s a conversation that needs to happen.

Mona, 29, has been living with her boyfriend for four years now.  She remembers their earliest conversations, saying, “My boyfriend makes more money than I do, so he offered to pay more in rent.  But I wasn’t comfortable with that.  I wanted to split it equally so there was no imbalance of power over decision-making or resentment from either of us.”

They’ve been going strong for years now because they worked it out in a way so they are both comfortable. Every couple is a freaking snowflake: Talk with your partner and find out what the best solution is for both of y’allz.   

3. Protect Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

“Make sure your name is on the lease!” warns Sherry Amatenstein, relationship expert and author.  Sherry describes a couple she was working with recently: “They were going to buy a place together and the woman was just gonna let her boyfriend put his name on the contract and not hers.  I talked her out of that in a heartbeat. It may not sound romantic, but you need to protect yourself in case of a split and you need it in writing.”

4. Cleanliness is G-dliness. Or maybe not

If you’ve been dating long enough, you probably already have a sense of your partner’s cleanliness level.  If your apartment has the feng shui of a Japanese art museum and your boyfriend’s place looks like its just been robbed, cohabitation is going to be a rough road.  Know where you are on the Kinsey scale of clean, otherwise you’ll be miserable.

When I was fresh out of college I lived with three musicians, all great guys, but the filthiest people alive.  Whenever these dirt-freaks brought girls home, I was stunned.  How could a woman sleep with a guy whose room smelled like a sock full of Thai food?  The point is, get on the same page about cleaning before you share your space.  Or make it super easy on yourselves and hire a maid. #firstworldsolutions

5. Maintaining Romance

Once your lover becomes your roommate, it’s really easy to let things get way too comfortable. You nest, you get cozy, you stop leaving the house and the next thing you know, you’re friends without benefits.  Make sure to maintain your own thing like friendships, hobbies, and exercise—all the things that make you, you.

Alison, 32 says, “I've learned it's about balancing your needs and leaving him out of the picture sometimes; leaving the house on your own for alone time, visiting friends or family in another city, or just going out alone.  Going on dates together outside of the house is also really important; it puts you in a more romantic headspace of adventure and spontaneity.  Someone told me this before we moved in, and I continually find it to be true.”

6. Follow Your Gut

If there’s one thing we all need to remember when making a big decision it's that no one knows better about what’s right for you, than you.  At some point you need to stop listening to parents, friends and even media (Cosmo not included) and go with your instincts.

Just because you’ve been dating for years and all your friends live with their partners, doesn’t mean that you personally are ready to make the move. Alternatively, you could meet someone, click instantly and take a chance.  Whatever you decide, make sure it’s YOUR decision.  We’re all gonna make mistakes in life but at least we should make our own.  

Good luck ladies and tell us how it goes! What do you think are the most important pre-move-in chats?

Photo Credit: Thinkstockphoto

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Princeton '77 Alumnus Warns Undergrads To Find a Husband Before They're Grizzled Old Twentysomethings

Oh, Lord. So I'm pretty sure that Susan A. Patton, among the first group of 200 female students to attend Princeton University in the 1970s, meant well when she wrote this Letter to The Editor printed in the Princetonian. She's like that older relative of yours who nervously wipes her mouth with a hankie and provides a weak smile when you tell her you're still single.

"I'm sure it'll happen for you, sweetie. Have you thought about growing out your hair? Men like long hair on girls," she stammers as she carefully folds her hankerchief back up and slides it into her pocketbook.

She just wants the best for you! Because when women don't marry in their early twenties, they shrivel up like salted slugs! I'm shriveling! I'm shriveling! Help me!

Patton writes that she has been returning annually to the university to speak about women and leadership. However, she asserts that the students in attendance were more interested in hearing about personal relationships, particularly marriage (which seems... not likely! But OK, I'll roll with it for now):

You girls glazed over at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the importance of networking. [...] Clearly, you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another.

Patton then goes on to inform the "daughters [she] never had" that the most important part of attending Princeton is to land a Princeton-educated man—forget all that Sheryl Sandberg stuff—and you better do it before you graduate:

Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out. For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you. Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.

GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF, SUSAN. Just kidding. You're crazy. Two things.
A) Recent studies show that marrying at 25 is the age most likely to end in a successful union.

B) In Susan A. Patton Land, which is full of pearls and apple pies and retrograde notions of heterosexual coupling, anyone who has less than an Ivy League education is clearly not worth your time. (FYI, I've met some lazy Ivy League-educated assholes in my day.)

I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.

Every woman without a Princeton diploma is a dumb slag. Pass it on.

Not only is this a retrograde attitude towards women, both Ivy-educated and otherwise, it's also a narrow-minded view of men. Isn't it likely that some men, especially those who are ostensibly smarter than average, look for women who are intellectually stimulating? It's just so cynical.

And, adds Patton, let's not forget the Age Factor. Men don't want ancient spinsters in their early to mid-20s, for they are covered in moss and bark and are as ancient and barren and dry as a tree in winter.

As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from.

Someone want to scrape all this bark off me? Thx! :D

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

Photo via Getty Images

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Harry Styles Called Taylor Swift Boring Before They Split

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Role Play Ideas You've Never Tried Before

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More Women in the Senate Than Ever Before

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible.
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Contact Korin

Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the web assistant for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Find all posts by Dara
Contact Dara

Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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8 Foods to Avoid Before Sex

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25 Iconic <em>Cosmo</em> Covers You've Never Seen Before

Helen Gurley Brown's first cover as editor-in-chief of Cosmo.

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Do You Spend on Beauty Treatments Before Vacation?

Meet the Beauty Bloggers

Carly Cardellino: I'm the beauty and fashion editor here at Cosmopolitan.com. I'll try just about anything once (I have the crop cut—my hair used to be super-long—and body wave to prove it) and then report back. I'm obsessed with hair products, like volumizers and salt sprays, as well as mascara, nail polish, a good foundation (right now I'm using Tom Ford Beauty Traceless Foundation SPF 15), and blush (it literally changes the way you look in seconds)—hopefully you can see why I'm in this business. I also love picking out head-to-toe outfits for friends whether they're going on a date with their guy or a black-tie wedding—so feel free to click on that "contact" link below and send me a question.

Leah Wyar: Ladies, I’m the DIY beauty guru. My specialties? Spray-tanning and mastering the at-home manicure. I’ve tried dozens of spray-tanning formulas and have mastered the art of the self-tan (don’t worry, I’ll share!). Plus, I paint on the hottest nail trends every week (currently I’m obsessed with the glitter and dark polish trend). Follow me as I branch out and perfect my DIY skills (up next: waxing!).

Marta Topran: I’m obsessed with making my skin as glowy as possible. That means trying out every anti-aging potion out there and never leaving the house without some sort of shimmery highlighter on my cheekbones. I’m also the resident brow and lash addict. Right now, I’m rocking super long lash extensions that I can’t believe I ever lived without.

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12 Lies Men Tell Before Sex

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Would You Have a Baby Before Marriage?

Over the last few years, we’ve noticed a growing trend in Hollywood: Stars are getting pregnant before they get hitched. Jessica Alba, Nicole Richie, and Ashlee Simpson are just a few who went that route. And it seems to be gaining steam again—Jessica Simpson and Kristin Cavallari are currently engaged and preggers.  

The whole “baby before marriage” thing looks like it worked out for most of these celebs, but they also have loads of disposable income to spend on nannies, diapers, etc., which, let’s be honest: most regular people don’t have.  

Naturally, we wondered what you thought about going this route, so we conducted an online poll. The verdict? A whopping 70 percent of you think you should get married before you have a baby. A lot of celebs have been engaged when they got pregnant or got engaged soon after, but 59 percent of you said having a diamond ring on your finger still isn't a good enough reason to have a baby before taking a trip down the aisle.  

The main reason: Most of you said you’d be worried the relationship wouldn’t work out and you’d have to raise the little one on your own. And a few said you’re just a more traditional girl at heart when it comes to starting a family.  

As for those of you who said you didn’t need a wedding band before getting pregnant, the top reason was that you wouldn’t want to rush into marriage if you weren’t sure he was The One.

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

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Read This Before You Start Dating a Coworker

Where They Met: "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"

Dating Rule: Try waiting until you're not directly working on a project together to officially test the relationship waters, says Nicole Williams, author of Girl On Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules Into Career Success. Angie and Brad reportedly began seeing each other only after Mr. & Mrs. Smith wrapped, which made it easier to focus on work (and reduced the odds of crazy-bad tension if things hadn't worked out).

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