12 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Person

1. "Oooh, you're getting BIG." (In a terrible singsongy voice.) 
You're probably just referring to my belly, which really is getting big. There's a baby in there, and she might become the president or marry Prince George or be a ballerina, or all three, and it's wonderful! But pregnant people already feel large, because they're actually two people. So as a golden rule, just avoid the word "big" and let the words "tiny" and "Gisele" flow freely. 

2. "So… how much have you gained?"
Some people actually think a fun conversation topic would be disclosing how much weight you've gained. In what world?! I fully understand that a healthy pregnancy means gaining weight. But that doesn't mean I am excited about disclosing the precise numerical value of my all-time high number on the scale like some sort of reverse Biggest Loser finale.

3. [Leaving an emoji whale as a comment on one of my Instagrams.]
My brother did this recently, as a joke. Although I actually found it hilarious, as the whale emoji is underused, I still wouldn't advise it, generally speaking.

4. "Is that for YOU?" (While gazing at my beer.)
Yes, hostess at brunch, this apple-flavored craft beer is for me. It's one of the occasional beers I feel completely comfortable drinking, thanks to my doctor and various studies… and the fact that my grandmother drank occasional beers while pregnant with seven different children and they're all totally fine. Based on your condescending stare, you'd think I was Betty Draper resting a martini on my belly and smoking a cigarette. I'm saving that for post-birth, y'all!

5. "I really hope you're being careful."
So said a condescending fellow rider after spin class. Then, through gritted teeth, added, "because I had some complications."  As much as I value advice from perfect strangers about my health — oh wait, I don't care at all about advice from perfect strangers about my health. I'm spinning with the support of my doctor —the same way runners continue to run and yogis namaste onward while pregnant. So just let us big bitches be.

6. "You look ready."
This is the pregnancy equivalent of telling someone they look "tired," which is the equivalent of telling someone they have gray skin and dark circles, and generally look like shit. 

7. "Just (sleep/go to dinner/go to the movies/go on vacation) NOW while you still have the chance!"
I know people are just trying to be helpful and encourage me to really enjoy the freedom of not having a baby yet. But it's still annoying to imply that my husband and I will NEVER sleep/go to dinner/go to the movies or go on vacation EVER AGAIN IN OUR LIVES. I know I'll love my baby big time, but I also know that I will have no problem leaving her at her grandma's for the weekend sometimes while we sleep/go to dinner/go to the movies/go on vacation.

8. "So… was it planned?" 
This is almost as bad as asking someone if they had been "trying." Especially coming from old people, these are awkward veiled questions about a pregnant person's private sex and birth control habits. Which is to say: Ew. Just because someone is with child does not make these queries suddenly comfortable.

9. "If cavewomen gave birth without drugs, so can you."
This gem came courtesy of a lovely birthing class teacher who held up a droopy ski hat to illustrate what the uterus looks like. Anyway, I am aware that women have been giving birth — without epidurals — since time immemorial. But the same women also walked around with untreated broken legs and toothaches and died at age 35 because modern medicine didn't exist. Now that it does, I plan to take full advantage! I have great, non-cavewoman friends who gave birth naturally and that's awesome for them — but it's a personal choice and we shouldn't tell each other what to do with our droopy hats. 

10. "You should really breastfeed — for a full year."
Breast-is-best-shaming is at an all-time high right now. Not long ago, a person who I previously didn't know was dumb said that she read that feeding a baby formula is like giving him or her a cigarette. I haven't looked it up, but that that can't be true, because I was formula-fed and grew up to work at Cosmo. A woman's decision to breastfeed or formula feed — whether for a full year or not — is hers alone. Pregnant ladies are creating a new human life — we probably don't need any added pressure about what to do after that. 

11. "So you're going back to work full time, huh? Couldn't you go back part-time or something?"
Suggesting to a pregnant person that going back to work full-time means she already sucks as a mom, before she is even a mom, is a low blow. I guess technically I could "go to part-time or something" — if that's what I wanted to do. But what I want to do is go back full-time… so that's what I'm doing. But I will probably cry the first week I drop my baby off at daycare, if that makes you feel any better!

12. The word "pop."
"OMG you popped over vacation." "I can't wait for you to pop." "Welp, you finally popped!" Thinking of one's body as "popping" just reminds me of Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka inflating to become a human blueberry before… popping. Again, even if it's a lie, err on the safe side and just stick to: "You look tiny."

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10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Depression

1. “Everyone’s depressed.” No, everyone gets depressed sometimes. It’s normal to feel the repercussion of a bad day — when your boss yells at you and some guy you’re dating just said something marginally offensive over text (“aww you’re so cute!”) and your cat pooped in the shower. And those problems are real! But diagnosed depression is like any other physical illness that requires medication. Like, you wouldn’t say “Everyone has a thyroid problem.”

2. “Just look on the bright side! There are so many great things in your life!” This (many of these, actually) is obviously so well-intentioned that it’s hard to let this person down. Those people are approaching it as if you are looking at a plate of half kale (the good things) and half dog poop (the bad things), and choosing to focus on the dog poop instead of the kale. But depression is like if that dog came back and peed all over the whole plate, and then someone wrapped it in Saran Wrap so that you actually couldn’t access either the kale or the dog poop. In other words, it’s not like you’re deliberating all aspects of your life and deciding to be negative. It’s like a big blanket of exhaustion and sadness that covers the entire thing so you can’t even see the facts of your life for what they are.

3. “You don’t need to be on medication — it’s so overprescribed. Everyone’s on drugs these days.” Yeah, because the medical health world is realizing that mental illnesses are just as serious as physical ones. It’s easy to pass judgment on these kinds of medications because of a few college friends who managed to score recreational Adderall, but for every one of those, there are hundreds of people who have been pulled out of deep emotional and mental holes with the help of medication prescribed by good psychiatrists. You probably know some of them — you just don’t know you do. Basically it’s like saying we should eschew modern medicine in favor leeching and assuming that people are possessed by demons when they actually have syphilis. And you’re not even the sick person! Ugh, get off my lawn.

4. “You won’t be able to do anything creative if you take medication. You’ll be a zombie.” We’ve got Garden State to blame for this one. Thanks a whole lot, Zach Braff. Sure, I used to worry about that. But eventually it became so unbearable that I’d do anything to get better, and I write for a living, so that was a big risk. That should give people who don’t have depression some idea of how bad it can get. Actually, I’m way more productive at work when I’m not having obsessive circular negative thoughts and my mind is clear.

5. “A lot of people have it so much worse.” This falls into the category of “true, but not effective.” I mean, of course they do. In New York you can’t go a block without seeing that. But as the kale/dog poop/Saran wrap argument hopefully illustrates, this isn’t about weighing life circumstances and choosing to be sad. In fact, this actually makes some depressed people feel worse, like they’re privileged and ungrateful.

6. “Happiness is a choice.” Have you ever noticed that clinically depressed people — regardless of their lifestyle, their income, their gender, their location, their political or religious views — deal with the same feelings? I’m tired, my life has no meaning, I feel doomed, hopeless, worthless, and I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. You bore yourself with your own repetitive thoughts. It’s not like you’re enjoying or wallowing in your negative feelings. Nobody’s choosing to feel this way. And some depressed people can’t afford to stay home or afford medication or live in an area where mental illness is taboo.

7. “Do you have PMS?” DO NOT EVEN.

8. “All you need to do is exercise more.” Any decent shrink will tell you that exercise helps, since it triggers feel-good endorphins that help with depression. But full-on depression isn’t cured by exercise alone, and it’s not like depression is caused by a lack of physical activity. My depression and complete laziness are separate.

9. “You’re just being dramatic.” As Hyperbole and a Half’s Allie Brosh puts it in her fantastic two-parter about depression, it’s weird and scary to feel debilitating depression for no reason. It's not a moody, emo, "I wonder how many people think I'm super-cool because I'm staring out the window looking pensive and listening to sad music" kind of feeling. It's an incredibly unglamorous, "why am I crying in front of FedEx Kinkos, I haven't washed my hair in five days, I'm tired of living" kind of feeling.

10. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Obviously this is someone who cares and means well — but as far as depression goes, what doesn't kill you really sucks, tells you to shower way less than you should, and hopefully, if you see someone for help and take care of yourself, goes away eventually. (It does.)

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10 Sexual Revolutionaries You Should Know

If you haven't started watching Showtime's new drama Masters of Sex, following the lives and work of sex pioneers Virginia Johnson and William Masters, you should really get on that. (Seriously, how often to do you get to watch a sex scene between people hooked up to machines with electrodes taped all over their bodies?)

But the show is more than titillating entertainment at its finest: Masters and Johnson — portrayed by Michael Sheen and Lizzie Caplan — were the first to really study what happens to the body during sex (hence the electrodes), so you'll also get some important lessons on the inner workings of human sexuality while tuning in.

However, these innovators aren't the only sexologists you should know about: Here are 10 more who also changed the collective conversation about getting it on.

1. Ernst Gräfenberg

This German physician advocated that there were ppleasure from places other than the P and the V. "Innumerable erotogenic spots are distributed all over the body, from where sexual satisfaction can be elicited," he said in his 1950 paper on the subject. "We can almost say that there is no part of the female body which does not give sexual response, the partner has only to find the erotogenic zones." (This guy knew what's up.) But, Gräfenberg went down in history for one pleasure point in particular: In studying the role of a woman's urethra as it pertains to orgasm he found that there was a sensitive spot in the anterior wall of the vaginal along the course of the urethra. Yes, the "G" in G-spot refers to him, after a sexologist coined the term as an homage to him in the 1980s.  

2. Margaret  Sanger

Take a moment to thank this woman every time you take your pill — she's the reason you have it. A nurse and sex educator, Sanger opened the very first birth control clinic in 1916, founding what would later become Planned Parenthood (and she was arrested for doing so). She remains an icon of both women's rights and sexual freedom: Thanks to The Pill, women who did not want to have children had a way to prevent pregnancy... and of course, it also allowed women everywhere to feel more liberated in bed.

3. Magnus Hirschfeld

This sexologist was an vocal advocate for sexual minorities and founded the Scientific Humanitarian Committee in 1897, the first organization of its kind to campaign for social recognition of gay, bi, and transgender people, and to protest against their persecution. While the Nazis destroyed the Berlin-based building the committee was housed in during World War II, the spirit of the organization lived on, paving the way for awareness and tolerance for those it supported, as well as future groups like GLAAD.

4. Sigmund Freud

Penis envy, the Oedipus complex, hysteria — Freud certainly gave us a lot to think about when it came to understanding desire, sexual and otherwise. While many of his theories were sexist (he maintained that women were inferior to men) he laid the groundwork for understanding sexual motivations through the lens of past experiences, particularly childhood. He also inspired other sexologists to expand upon his theories or prove him wrong. (Notably, psychoanalyst Karen Horney counteracted Freud's theory that women wished to have penises with her theory of "womb envy," a male desire to bear children, and was the first woman to study female psychology, publishing 14 papers between 1922 and 1937.)

5. Alfred Charles Kinsey

In gathering 18,000 people's sexual histories over the course of his career — and publishing two comprehenvise volumes, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948 and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female in 1953 — Kinsey's reseach revealed that oral sex, adultery, homosexuality, masturbation, and premarital sex were surprisingly common. Which, of course, pissed off a lot of people at the time. But by normalizing these so-called "perversions," Kinsey's highly controversial research on human sexuality laid the groundwork for modern sexologists. His Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University continues to operate, though it's now known as the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.

6. Mary Steichen Calderone

After joining the staff of Planned Parenthood as its medical director in 1964, this physician overturned a policy set by the American Medical Association, which had previously prevented doctors from giving information about birth control to their patients. That same year Calderone co-founded the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, an organization that worked to ensure that everyone had access to comprehensive sex education and sexual health services.

7. Beverly Whipple

This sexologist coined the term G-spot, and presented the very first paper in which the term was used. This led to Whipple being given the unofficial title "The inventor of the G-Spot." Devoting much of her career to female sexuality, Whipple also studied "psychosocially-stimulated orgasms" (allowing women who had spinal cord injury to still get off) and female ejaculation, which was quite controversial stuff back in 1984. 

8. Fred "Fritz" Klein

Believing that sexuality is ever-changing, this sex researcher — who primarily studied bisexuality — devised the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. [This seven-point scale was built upon a similar model that Kinsey had developed. But Klein's more multidimensional approach took into consideration a person's past, present and idealized future when determining where he or she fell sexually.

9. Dr. Ruth Westheimer

This psychosexual therapist, affectionately known simply as Dr. Ruth, forged a name for herself in the 80's by talking frankly about sex on the radio, and later on TV, which was a novel idea at the time. Answering questions from callers and audience members — no subject too taboo — Westheimer's sex-positive, up-front approach soon made her a household name. Her example set the stage for other sexperts to lend their advice to the masses in years to come. 

10. Betty Dodson

An advocate of masturbation, this sex educator became an icon for sexual liberation with her bestselling 1996 book Sex for One. For 30 years, she conducted workshops on solo sex, during which women would, yes, explore their bodies all together in one room, and she even had a TV show on public access in the '80s so that the ladies at home could join in from afar.

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Photo: Craig Blankenhorn/Showtime

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10 Reasons You Should Be Having A LOT More Morning Sex

Only having sex at night is like only having sex in your bed or only having sex if the lights are off. Yeah, I'll say it — boring. But getting it on in the a.m. isn't just a way to break out of your sex routine, it actually has a ton of physical and emotional benefits. So, stop hitting snooze and spend those 20 extra minutes hitting it instead.

1. Because, seriously people, what better way to start the day? If what you do at the beginning of your day sets the tone for the rest of it, then having an orgasm is pretty much the best possible way to usher in another 24 hours of life. According to one study, having sex in the morning can make you feel upbeat for the rest of the day. "Having sex in the morning releases also oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone," says sexpert Emily Morse. "Oxytocin makes you feel more connected with your partner and more loved. These warm feelings will stay with you throughout the day, or at least throughout the morning commute." 

2. Because you have an excuse to be lazy (and have bad breath). If you're too tired to get on top (or get it on at all) at night, you're a sloth. If you're too tired to hop on in the morning, that's reasonable because you're still half-asleep, maybe waking from a dream where Ryan Gosling took his shirt of just for you. Plus, you can be at your grossest — eye boogers, stank breath, smelly from night sweats — and it's fine because you just woke up. Just do doggie style or spooning positions, suggests sexologist Megan Stubbs, Ed.D., to keep the aforementioned offences at bay on both sides.

3. Because it allows you to stay in bed just a little longer. Can't argue with that.

4. Because then you won't feel bad being too tired for sex at the end of the day. For those of us in long-term relationships, sex —no matter how mind-blowing — tends to fall to the bottom of one's list of to-dos, right after "catch up on Boardwalk Empire" and "stare at wall." Getting it on in the morning gets your sexytime out of the way so you won't feel guilty or lame for not humping before bed. 

5. Because it won't actually make you late for work. You and your partner probably want to shower anyway, so cut down on time by showering together and get dirty (whaaaaaat) before you get clean. "For the best water sex position, bend over while he enters from behind," Morse says. Avoid slipping and falling by holding onto a wall or shower door, or putting one of

6. Because swallowing allegedly cures morning sickness. This is somewhat dubious research, but some professor from SUNY-Albany claims that sweet, delicate taste of sperm helps ease pregnant women's desire to vomit first thing in the a.m. Or you could just be like, "I'm pregnant, you do me," and be done with it.

7. Because it keeps you healthy. According to research, morning sex can actually strengthen your immune system by boosting your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. 

9. Because he'll last longer. Stubbs says that men's testosterone levels are highest in the morning after guys have recharged with hours of sleep. Which means that not only will your man be at his horniest when he wakes up but he'll be less likely to fall prey to the ol' one-minute-man syndrome. As sex therapist Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., has said, "When a man has higher testosterone and is well-rested, he has more energy during sex. That energy will help him last longer.” So you can be lazy, he can do all the work.

10. Because everyone is doing it. Okay, not everyone but a solid 34 percent of people prefer to make love in the morning than any other time, according to one poll. Probably that percentage of women bought wedge sneakers over th last year, you know?

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Why Every Woman Should Date a Mirgin

Breaking the sleep-with-everyone jock stereotype — and following in the chaste footsteps of Tim Tebow — hunky Giants cornerback Prince Amukamara, who's engaged to Pilar Davis, says he committed to keeping his P out of any Vs until his wedding night.

While it's NBD when a woman saves herself for marriage, male virgins — or, mirgins, if you will — are social anomalies. After all, "real" men think with their d*cks, want to hump everything that moves, and win points from their bros with every conquest, right?

Well, not exactly. Because who really wants to date — let alone marry — a guy who thinks that sleeping around should be second nature?

But even though a lot of women might prefer a guy who thinks sex is special, they still may be wary of dating a mirgin. There's the worry that the guy will be super inexperienced. That there's no way to connect on an intimate level. Some might even take it personally when say, their high school boyfriend reveals that he's not so down with having the sex (*raises hand*). However, what these ladies don't realize is that a guy's no nookie preference isn't a form of rejection.

"Don't make his choice all about you," sexologist Megan Stubbs, Ed.D advises women who are dating mirgins. "Just like it takes two to tango, it takes two willing partners to engage in sex. Respect is paramount when it comes virginity or any important life choice your partner has made."

In addition to accepting a guy's decision about where he will and will not put his ween, Stubbs suggests getting the lowdown on what actually constitutes sex for him. (Is oral OK, for example?)

Then, after you get your own hang-ups and his boundaries out of the way, the fun begins. Just because sex is off the table, that doesn't mean your hormones stop pumping. So, you'll be forced to get creative with your non-fornicating sex life by trying new oral techniques, bringing in toys, and finding uncharted erogenous zones.

At the very least, you'll still be able to experience the best part of sex (the orgasm, duh). "Have your guy pull you on top of him and make him move your hips for you," Stubbs suggests. "Fingers crossed that he will have an erection and you can use that, or his pubic bone, to rub your clitoris against. Only wear your underwear for an extra-close encounter." (Not to be awkwardly TMI, but this is a really, really good tip. My mirgin high school BF and I outercoursed like freaking champs.)

Even though you won't be having actual sex, dating a mirgin is kind of like one long foreplay session — and with the right moves, the results can be even more satisfying than the real thing.

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16 Things You Should Never Say Right After Sex

1. "The worst thing you can ever say or talk about to a guy after sex is mentioning anything remotely about, related to, or concerning his mother. It will deflate that mood in less than a nanosecond. Trust me, I'm guilty as charged." —Tanya T, 32

2. "'OK. You can leave now.' Kind of heartless. Also—bossy." —Amy Schoen, dating coach

3. "The morning after, I asked her if I was a good lover. She said I was 'definitely in the top 50!'" —Dan N, 32

4. "The worst thing a woman can say to a man after sex is, 'That was nice.' Sex isn't supposed to be 'nice'—it's sex. Anything short of 'wow' and a guy will think he didn't perform well." —Thomas Edwards, "The Professional Wingman" 

5. "I was in L.A. on a business trip. I met what I thought was my soulmate. Nuzzling up to her after our loving making session, basking in the glow of it, and I whispered in her ear, 'How was it for you?' She replied, 'Better than a root canal.'" —Jon D, 32

6. "Don't ask, 'We used a condom, right?' Women should know if they used a condom and most importantly you should always use a condom and never leave it up to him to decide. Also, don't ever say 'We need to talk'—I don’t care what it is you need to talk about, after sex is never the time to have one of 'those' talks." —Emily Morse, sexpert

7. "'We have to hurry, my boyfriend will be here soon.'" —Terri, 34

8. "Nothing. Saying nothing after sleeping with a new guy can lead you down the path of misunderstanding on anything from what works for you in bed to the status of your relationship. So whether you are feeling good, bad, or neutral about him (or the sex), be sincere, come from a place of good intention, and say something." —Erica Curtis, marriage and family therapist

9. "'That's not what I expected.' This line can be crushing because it hits at the core of a man's self-image." —William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing

10. "'If I were you, I would learn how to please a woman.'" —Kate, 26

11. "The worst thing a woman can say to a guy after sleeping with him is anything in comparison to anyone else she's been with. Guys don't want to hear any of that, good or bad. As a couple's therapist, I've seen this cause unnecessary fights and relationship trouble—keep your focus on him!" —Rachel Thomasian, marriage and family therapist

12. "'I love you.' This happened to me during my college years and made things very awkward since we just started seeing each other." —Chau N, 27

13. "Never say, 'I wish you could've lasted longer.' This will only add pressure, it won't solve the problem." —Adam LoDolce, dating expert

14. "I met this much younger, naïve guy after a breakup. He’d only had brief sexual encounters with two women previously. We started playing around and I simply started giving him a handjob. He exploded within seconds, and there was a lake of cum on his stomach, and I said without hesitation 'Wow…Don’t you ever play with yourself?'" —Jen, 35

15. "Do not fish for compliments on your sexual performance. It appears needy, which is a turn off for guys, and the last thing that a man wants to do after sex is try to appease your insecurities." —Nikki Ransom, Certified sex therapist

16. "This one’s easy: 'I love you but I’m not in love with you.' It’s a non-sensical and meaningless phrase which hurts, but doesn’t clarify anything. It also indicates that the sayer of it doesn’t have a clue what love is—not that anyone can define love for the rest of us." —Russell Friedman, author of Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life

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10 Things You Should Never Say About Your Ex

1. The sex was bad.

Unless your man just lay there like a dead fish every time you got busy, how good he was in bed is completely subjective. But even if his performance was abysmally brief and his idea of foreplay felt like aliens probing your ladyparts, just keep your observations to yourself. (Russell Brand could have certainly used this advice when he blasted his sex life with ex Katy Perry this week—bad form, brah.)

2. He was broke.

Everyone has a different lifestyle and just because he couldn't match yours, that doesn't mean he's a bad guy—or even cheap. Don't sound high maintenance by complaining about his lack of funds.

3. Everything he thought/did/said was terrible.

Even though you broke up, you shouldn't systematically annihilate of every good thing he did or every good time you had. If someone brings up a great memory of the two, take a deep breath and avoid the urge to say, "Yeah, but what about the time he did [insert something horrible here]." And definitely don't badmouth your ex to the max in front of your new man. If your current BF thinks you may still have strong—even strongly negative—feelings for your past guy, he may wonder if you've actually moved on. 

4. He was always a jerk.

Well, then why did you date him for X number of months or even years? Saying this just makes you look bad, and worse, bitter. Sure, it's always important to look back and see if there were any red flags you missed—so you can be well aware of what to look for next time—but you don't need to broadcast all the warning signs to everyone you know.

5. You still love him.

We all go through heartache and have experienced a breakup. Telling anyone that you still love him will only prolong the healing. Fake it till you make it. Reframe this to something like, "We had a good run, and I wish him the best." Even if you don't.

6.Anything super embarrassing about your ex.

If you're willing to share awful story after awful story about your ex, what does this say to your pals or your current man?

7. Anything he told you in absolute confidence.

In that same vein, don't show you're untrustworthy by spilling major secrets about your ex's family, childhood, what have you. However bitterly things ended, the fact is that you were in an intimate relationship with this person. Often, because he's an "ex" you may rationalize that any oaths made are off the table but keeping promises and living with integrity is just a good way to lead your life.

8. Qualities that you loved about your ex.

Some people have the opposite problem when it comes to exes and find themselves gushing about the awesome things he did, gifts he gave you, how he made you feel special, blah blah blah. For the sake of any new relationship you might be forming, and your own sanity, get your mind—and mouth—out of the past.

9. How much your parents loved him.

When you take a new guy to meet your folks, don't prime him by comparing how your exes fared with your family—especially if your mom and dad loved someone you previously dated. The guy is probably nervous enough trying to live up to your (and their) expectations—he doesn't need the ghost of your ex-bf taunting him, too.

10. Negative qualities your ex had that your current guy has.

If you really want to piss your current boyfriend off, mention that something he does that you totally hate reminds you of your ex. This kind of comment never leads to anything positive, trust us.

Sources: Communication, dating and relationship expert Rachel DeAlto and Sheri Meyers, Psy.D, L.M.F.T., author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

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10 Things You Should Never Say About Your Ex

1. The sex was bad.

Unless your man just lay there like a dead fish every time you got busy, how good he was in bed is completely subjective. But even if his performance was abysmally brief and his idea of foreplay felt like aliens probing your ladyparts, just keep your observations to yourself. (Russell Brand could have certainly used this advice when he blasted his sex life with ex Katy Perry this week—bad form, brah.)

2. He was broke.

Everyone has a different lifestyle and just because he couldn't match yours, that doesn't mean he's a bad guy—or even cheap. Don't sound high maintenance by complaining about his lack of funds.

3. Everything he thought/did/said was terrible.

Even though you broke up, you shouldn't systematically annihilate of every good thing he did or every good time you had. If someone brings up a great memory of the two, take a deep breath and avoid the urge to say, "Yeah, but what about the time he did [insert something horrible here]." And definitely don't badmouth your ex to the max in front of your new man. If your current BF thinks you may still have strong—even strongly negative—feelings for your past guy, he may wonder if you've actually moved on. 

4. He was always jerk.

Well, then why did you date him for X number of months or even years? Saying this just makes you look bad, and worse, bitter. Sure, it's always important to look back and see if there were any red flags you missed—so you can be well aware of what to look for next time—but you don't need to broadcast all the warning signs to everyone you know.

5. You still love him.

We all go through heartache and have experienced a breakup. Telling anyone that you still love him will only prolong the healing. Fake it till you make it. Reframe this to something like, "We had a good run, and I wish him the best." Even if you don't.

6.Anything super embarrassing about your ex.

If you're willing to share awful story after awful story about your ex, what does this say to your pals or your current man?

7. Anything he told you in absolute confidence.

In that same vein, don't show you're untrustworthy by spilling major secrets about your ex's family, childhood, what have you. However bitterly things ended, the fact is that you were in an intimate relationship with this person. Often, because he's an "ex" you may rationalize that any oaths made are off the table but keeping promises and living with integrity is just a good way to lead your life.

8. Qualities that you loved about your ex.

Some people have the opposite problem when it comes to exes and find themselves gushing about the awesome things he did, gifts he gave you, how he made you feel special, blah blah blah. For the sake of any new relationship you might be forming, and your own sanity, get your mind—and mouth—out of the past.

9. How much your parents loved him.

When you take a new guy to meet your folks, don't prime him by comparing how your exes fared with your family—especially if your mom and dad loved someone you previously dated. The guy is probably nervous enough trying to live up to your (and their) expectations—he doesn't need the ghost of your ex-bf taunting him, too.

10. Negative qualities your ex had that your current guy has.

If you really want to piss your current boyfriend off, mention that something he does that you totally hate reminds you of your ex. This kind of comment never leads to anything positive, trust us.

Sources: Communication, dating and relationship expert Rachel DeAlto and Sheri Meyers, Psy.D, L.M.F.T., author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

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16 Things You Should Never Say Right After Sex

1. "The worst thing you can ever say or talk about to a guy after sex is mentioning anything remotely about, related to, or concerning his mother. It will deflate that mood in less than a nanosecond. Trust me, I'm guilty as charged." —Tanya T, 32

2. "'OK. You can leave now.' Kind of heartless. Also—bossy." —Amy Schoen, dating coach

3. "The morning after, I asked her if I was a good lover. She said I was 'definitely in the top 50!'" —Dan N, 32

4. "The worst thing a woman can say to a man after sex is, 'That was nice.' Sex isn't supposed to be 'nice'—it's sex. Anything short of 'wow' and a guy will think he didn't perform well." —Thomas Edwards, "The Professional Wingman" 

5. "I was in L.A. on a business trip. I met what I thought was my soulmate. Nuzzling up to her after our loving making session, basking in the glow of it, and I whispered in her ear, 'How was it for you?' She replied, 'Better than a root canal.'" —Jon D, 32

6. "Don't ask, 'We used a condom, right?' Women should know if they used a condom and most importantly you should always use a condom and never leave it up to him to decide. Also, don't ever say 'We need to talk'—I don’t care what it is you need to talk about, after sex is never the time to have one of 'those' talks." —Emily Morse, sexpert

7. "'We have to hurry, my boyfriend will be here soon.'" —Terri, 34

8. "Nothing. Saying nothing after sleeping with a new guy can lead you down the path of misunderstanding on anything from what works for you in bed to the status of your relationship. So whether you are feeling good, bad, or neutral about him (or the sex), be sincere, come from a place of good intention, and say something." —Erica Curtis, marriage and family therapist

9. "'That's not what I expected.' This line can be crushing because it hits at the core of a man's self-image." —William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing

10. "'If I were you, I would learn how to please a woman.'" —Kate, 26

11. "The worst thing a woman can say to a guy after sleeping with him is anything in comparison to anyone else she's been with. Guys don't want to hear any of that, good or bad. As a couple's therapist, I've seen this cause unnecessary fights and relationship trouble—keep your focus on him!" —Rachel Thomasian, marriage and family therapist

12. "'I love you.' This happened to me during my college years and made things very awkward since we just started seeing each other." —Chau N, 27

13. "Never say, 'I wish you could've lasted longer.' This will only add pressure, it won't solve the problem." —Adam LoDolce, dating expert

14. "I met this much younger, naïve guy after a breakup. He’d only had brief sexual encounters with two women previously. We started playing around and I simply started giving him a handjob. He exploded within seconds, and there was a lake of cum on his stomach, and I said without hesitation 'Wow…Don’t you ever play with yourself?'" —Jen, 35

15. "Do not fish for compliments on your sexual performance. It appears needy, which is a turn off for guys, and the last thing that a man wants to do after sex is try to appease your insecurities." —Nikki Ransom, Certified sex therapist

16. "This one’s easy: 'I love you but I’m not in love with you.' It’s a non-sensical and meaningless phrase which hurts, but doesn’t clarify anything. It also indicates that the sayer of it doesn’t have a clue what love is—not that anyone can define love for the rest of us." —Russell Friedman, author of Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life

Want more from Natasha? Follow her on Twitter or find her on Facebook.

Photo: HBO

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7 Things Guys Should Stop Saying Immediately. Like, Yesterday.

A speech pathologist has taken to HuffPo to compile a list of things college girls (and boys! he hastily tacks in the headline) shouldn't say anymore because it makes them sound dumb, e.g. "literally" and "like."

We've decided to share our own list of officially banned phrases for college guys to adhere to, because no women in the history of women has ever wanted to be told to "calm down." Ever. EVER.

1. "She's not like other girls — she's really chill."Um. Yeah. That "chill" girl you're going on about? She's just better at hiding the fact that she analyzes every text you send her with her friends at brunch and felt TOTALLY weird the first time she pooped at your house. (Related: Girls who say they just "make friends with guys more" because there's "less drama." Cut that sh*t out immMMMMediately.

2. "My ex-girlfriend was a total psycho." Talking smack about your ex behind her back actually makes you look worse than she does — maybe you made her psycho. Incidentally, this is why I have no sympathy for Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, with his crazy-a*s wife who he locked in a wall (116-year-old SPOILER ALERT!).

3. "NOOOICE!" Granted, only a particular sort of frat bro yells things like this. But just... stop.

4. "You remind me of that girl on Girls." No. Just no.

5. "Eat something! What are you, anorexic?" I'm allergic to nuts and you took me to Aunt Fanny's Nut World, you j*ckass. And for the record, on the off chance that I was anorexic, this is not a very tactful way to bring it up. See you again never.

6. Any variation of "slut, skank, whore, or c*nt." Just because you sometimes hear girls saying it doesn't mean you're allowed to say it.

7. "Chill out." I WILL FLIP THIS TABLE LIKE TERESA GIUDICE, I SWEAR TO CHRIST.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

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Insane New Poll: You Should Start Cheating on Your Man. Like, Yesterday.

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Dyspareunia, Vulvodynia and Six Other Painful Vaginal Conditions You Should Know About

Whether you're working on a new man or looking to lighten up a LTR, these guy-friendly ideas on how to be romantic can help you win him over (and over and over…).

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Come Again? The Dirty Questions You Should Start Asking In Bed

Your sex is all fine and good, but it's lacking a little dirty talk? Adding some sexy questions to steam up your relationship may just be the trick you need.

"Asking the right questions to your partner is an easy way to not only enhance intimacy in a relationship, but also expand your existing sexual repertoire," says Emily Morse, sex expert and radio host of Sex With Emily. Here, Morse shares some of her favorite questions to help take your bedroom behavior up a notch. And the best part? These questions work both ways, so here's hoping he's a quick learner.

Play 'Would You Rather?'

"The kids game 'Would you rather?' can easily be turned into a sexy game allowing you both to explore your sexual boundaries and understand each others wants and desire," says Emily. "The answers are fun but also very revealing about each partners' attitude towards sex and relationships." Emily helps us get warmed up...

Would you rather be blindfolded or blindfold me?

"This is a way to test how your partner feels about letting go during sex play," Morse says.

Would you rather have sex while someone is watching you, or would you want to watch a couple have sex in front of you?

"(This is a) fast track way of finding out if your partner is a voyeur or an exhibitionist," says Morse, adding: "Plan accordingly!"

Would you rather orgasm while I'm performing oral or during intercourse?

This is one way to find out how important oral sex is to your partner," says Emily. "Something you might not want to slack on, depending on the answer." How your partner answers would be telling of how they feel about orgasms," she adds. "Do they want to let go and have you perform on them or would they rather have the one-on-one, eye-to-eye, connection that comes with intercourse?"

Would you rather try out kinkier sex ideas or have romantic sex?

"Sure, some of us like a little of everything. A spanking one day and staring into each other's eyes like you mean it another day. Is your partner vanilla or spicy? The truth will be revealed."

Dig Deep During Dirty Talk

"Asking your partner questions about their preferences and desires will help you pleasure him or her more during sex," asserts Morse, who has a handful of suggestions to get started.

What was your high school sex fantasy?

"Since they aren’t in high school anymore, this question will get them to talk more freely about their fantasies," explains Morse. "They can always blame their 'High School self' for a bizarre fantasy. Also, it will get them thinking about all the sexual frustration they had in high school and how they can finally realize their fantasies with you."

What does it feel like when you orgasm?

"This makes your partner think about how wonderful it feels to orgasm," says Emily. Here's the bonus: "The feeling is indescribable, so they’ll probably want to have one ASAP to give you an accurate description of what it feels like."

Is it okay if I go down on you right now?

"This is extremely sexy because you’re asking them if it’s okay to do something they’re dying for you to do," explains Emily, who says this is the perfect question to pose during sex. "By asking them if it’s okay you’re showing them just how much you want to please them."

Play "Truth or Dare"

"'Truth or Dare' questions are also a great way to learn more about your partner and ensure you get it on at the same time," explains Emily. Here are some of her examples:

Truth: What kind of foreplay would you like to try next time we’re in bed?

Dare: Choose two parts of my body and stimulate at once using use mouth and hand.

Truth: What’s something dirty that you’ve always wanted to say to me in bed (or be said to you)?

Dare: Eat a piece of fruit (peaches are always a sexy favorite) in the most sensual way possible.

To ease into some dirty inquiring, try one of the below classics:

What’s your favorite position?

Where have you always wanted to have sex, but are scared to?

What’s your favorite body part other than your penis?

Would you rather I kiss you softly or more roughly?

Do you prefer me to undress you or would you like to undress yourself?

What's your most memorable sexual experience we’ve had together and why?

What’s a fantasy you've never shared and would like to try?

Happy Dirty Talking, y'all.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

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Should Men Wear Makeup...Yea or Nay?

moving cross country, finding a great partner... or lobbing off all your hair a la Karlie Kloss). But don't fret: It's not an impossible task. It just takes some thought—and great advice.

"A lot of times people don't like what they're doing in their current job, but they haven't defined what they want to be doing in their potential new job," Nicole Williams, career expert and author of Girl On Top, tells Cosmopolitan.com.

She says nabbing your dream job starts with doing some soul-searching: "I ask people to assess components of their current working life, and match them against the career they are looking to get into."

Try asking yourself these questions...

Time: How many hours do you want to work and in what kind of environment? Big company, small, telecommute, work-from-home flexibility (you know, the kind banned at Yahoo!)

Challenge Level: How important is growth potential and being challenged to you? Are you ambitious and ready to lean in, or just looking for a 9 to 5 to fill your time?

Work Environment: Define your best possible scenario in terms of work relationships. Who are you working with and for? What kind of boss would be ideal? Do you have dreams of becoming a boss?

Passion: How important is passion to you? For example, a woman we know races triathlons and feels like she doesn't need to be passionate about her job; her passion is attached to her sport.

6. Money: How much do you need to make? How much money do you want to make?

Steps To Making A Career Change

Stop Delaying

"The longer you are in the job you are thinking of leaving, the further away you are from new opportunity," says Williams. "It doesn't get any easier. Doing it earlier is emotionally, mentally and professionally better."

Be Willing To Sacrifice Something

You may have to start from the bottom (or the middle) and work your way to the top; Either way, be ready to drop a few rungs on the corporate ladder.

"Internships can be a good idea—or be willing to take a pay cut," says Williams. "If this internship, for example, introduces you to influential people and helps develop a skill-set, you'll be able to take these things to leverage them into a bigger position."

Start Saving

"Have a solid idea of the risk and savings in the bank," advises Williams. Even if it means cutting back on luxuries. "If you know the internship is going to last for six months at a minimum, that's the number you need to have in savings, and I normally advise 10 to 20 percent in savings as a risk buffer."

Network

"People love to talk about themselves," says Williams. "Find them on LinkedIn and through people you know, and consult with them."

Williams suggests asking those in similar fields questions like, "I wonder if you'd speak to me about your day-to-day life; What do you love most about the work that you do; What do you wish you would have known going into this career?"

"Those kind of questions are going to give you the information you need and will help you know the people you are going to need to know," she adds.

Now that you are armed with more than just your resume and a fresh manicure, it's time to start hitting the pavement. Happy hunting, gals.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images">

moving cross country, finding a great partner... or lobbing off all your hair a la Karlie Kloss). But don't fret: It's not an impossible task. It just takes some thought—and great advice.

"A lot of times people don't like what they're doing in their current job, but they haven't defined what they want to be doing in their potential new job," Nicole Williams, career expert and author of Girl On Top, tells Cosmopolitan.com.

She says nabbing your dream job starts with doing some soul-searching: "I ask people to assess components of their current working life, and match them against the career they are looking to get into."

Try asking yourself these questions...

Time: How many hours do you want to work and in what kind of environment? Big company, small, telecommute, work-from-home flexibility (you know, the kind banned at Yahoo!)

Challenge Level: How important is growth potential and being challenged to you? Are you ambitious and ready to lean in, or just looking for a 9 to 5 to fill your time?

Work Environment: Define your best possible scenario in terms of work relationships. Who are you working with and for? What kind of boss would be ideal? Do you have dreams of becoming a boss?

Passion: How important is passion to you? For example, a woman we know races triathlons and feels like she doesn't need to be passionate about her job; her passion is attached to her sport.

6. Money: How much do you need to make? How much money do you want to make?

Steps To Making A Career Change

Stop Delaying

"The longer you are in the job you are thinking of leaving, the further away you are from new opportunity," says Williams. "It doesn't get any easier. Doing it earlier is emotionally, mentally and professionally better."

Be Willing To Sacrifice Something

You may have to start from the bottom (or the middle) and work your way to the top; Either way, be ready to drop a few rungs on the corporate ladder.

"Internships can be a good idea—or be willing to take a pay cut," says Williams. "If this internship, for example, introduces you to influential people and helps develop a skill-set, you'll be able to take these things to leverage them into a bigger position."

Start Saving

"Have a solid idea of the risk and savings in the bank," advises Williams. Even if it means cutting back on luxuries. "If you know the internship is going to last for six months at a minimum, that's the number you need to have in savings, and I normally advise 10 to 20 percent in savings as a risk buffer."

Network

"People love to talk about themselves," says Williams. "Find them on LinkedIn and through people you know, and consult with them."

Williams suggests asking those in similar fields questions like, "I wonder if you'd speak to me about your day-to-day life; What do you love most about the work that you do; What do you wish you would have known going into this career?"

"Those kind of questions are going to give you the information you need and will help you know the people you are going to need to know," she adds.

Now that you are armed with more than just your resume and a fresh manicure, it's time to start hitting the pavement. Happy hunting, gals.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images">Whether you're a doctor who dreams of doing hair, or a hairdresser dreaming of climbing the corporate ladder, career expert Nicole Williams has pro tips on how to get started.

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We Should All Be Healthy Divas: Ready, Set, GO.

Oh, man: Divas. I got tired just typing the word. The modern diva, already formidable enough talking loudly about "all the drama" in the halls of high school, comes in all shapes and sizes, now exacerbated by the existence of Twitter and Facebook. Cryptic status updates that feature a song lyric and one forlorn ellipses (e.g. "Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you..."). Gallery upon gallery of Photobooth selfies. We all know at least one of them. Maybe you are one of them.

A friend of mine recently made the most accurate statement about a diva we know: "When you talk to her, you can tell that she's thinking about how pretty she looks as she's reacting to what you're saying." Zing. Nail on the head.

We're used to reading profiles of female celebrities that open with "She's not your typical A-list diva." Usually there's some kind of significant indication towards the beginning of the profile that punctures our assumptions of the star's high-maintenance behavior... but is being a Beyoncé-level diva all bad?

Barbra, Bette and Cher aside, while divas (or male "divos") may bug the crap out of you, the Wall Street Journal posits that being around "healthy" divas can actually be a positive influence on you. These high-performing, high-maintenence narcissists, in demanding perfection, can teach you the benefits of valuing yourself more. (Think Mariah packing up her diamonds and clothes and leaving her cheating asshole boyfriend on "Shake It Off.")

They're also fun, positive, and willing to share the spotlight. "Having a healthy diva around brings a lot of sparkle," says a psychologist quoted in the essay. "They make your world more interesting and pleasurable because you can bask in their spotlight with them."

Then there are the "unhealthy" divas, whose attitude springs from oodles of self-hate rather than self-love. They're needy, selfish, negative, and fiercely backstabby. Their relationships with friends and lovers often burn bright for a short time, then fizzle when the people around them are unable to take it anymore. They possess the power of "Machiavellian intelligence" (i.e. manipulation) rather than the healthy diva's "charismatic intelligence." (Machiavellian principles involve "breaking someone down" to build them back up; just for a frame of reference, it's one of the primary characteristics in the PUA--pick-up artist--community.)

The article also suggests that diva behavior stems from evolutionary development, which makes sense when you consider Darwin's survival of the fittest. Those who demand what they want flourish, and those who don't are eliminated.

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

Photo via ABC

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Bonkers Chinese Professor Says Female Students Should Wear Makeup to Improve the Boys' Studying Skills

There's been much talk in the last week of exactly what constitutes "inappropriate" professional/academic behavior towards women. After President Obama joked that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is, among other things, the "best-looking" Attorney General in the country, a shitstorm of criticism and backlash of defenses cropped up in the press.

While many asserted that Obama's joke was inappropriate, some female pundits on Fox and Friends as well as CNN columnist Roxanne Jones said that the anger was a severe overreaction. The gist of their argument? "I'd be flattered if the President said I was pretty." (How nice for them!) But we don't really know how Harris herself feels about it: Smartly, she's stayed out of the subsequent debate.

All this begs the question: When do we draw the line between a harmless remark and a sexist statement? And regardless of whether it was meant to be sexist, isn't the offhand objectification of women by a figure in power sort of harmful either way?

Yesterday, Professor He Guangshun of the Guangdong University of Foreign Studies posted a comment he made in class to Weibo (the Chinese Twitter):

It’s cruel that girls have to come to class at 8:30 am. They should have more time to put on their makeup and enter the classroom elegantly. That way, encouraged and moved by their beauty, boys would have the drive to work hard.

First of all, I always considered going to any pre-noon class in makeup the same thing as going to the gym in makeup. No, sir. I will carry on the proud co-ed tradition of greasy top-knot and pizza-stained sweatpants, thank you muchly. If the boys were "moved" by anything, it was the fact that I smelled like rum, cigarettes, and one ineffective spritz of Gap Dream. IT'S CALLED BEING LOVELY, PEOPLE. TRY IT.

Second of all, I mean... nothing about this makes sense. Put on makeup, you've got a class full of Beautiful Minds. Put on yoga pants, and you're distracting? Other points of confusion: The fact that Guangshun thought it was OK to say in class. The fact that he thought it was so clever he should put it on the Internet. And, above all, the fact that many people are laughing it off or agreeing with him. Including women.

Part of the reason for this is that Shanghai students, even those who have access to a college education, show a marked disinterest in gender studies education and traditional gender norms are huge. Then again, what's our country's excuse?

On the bright side, I'm all for nixing all 8:30 AM classes. You?

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

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Should Men Wear Makeup...Yea or Nay?

Ah, so that's why your face looks so flawless, Lord Disick.

Last night during Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kourtney caught Scott snooping around in her makeup. And while she was worried at first—since she didn't know what exactly he was applying to his face—he later revealed that he uses her tinted moisturizer "because he wants to look his best."

She ended up being okay with the whole thing, but this got us thinking: Should the double-standard of men wearing makeup be overturned? Clearly they're concerned with their complexions, too. So why should they be judged if they want to hide a visible blemish on their faces before a first date, big meeting, job interview, etc.?

We have to say that we kinda think it's weird when men wear makeup (unless they're on camera), but is it unfair that we think that?

We're more behind the school of thought that if you have a blemish, pick up a tube of OXY Maximum Action Tinted Spot Treatment, $6, drugstore.com, which conceals while it heals, and then leave the rest of your face au natural.

But what are your thoughts?

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Follow Carly Cardellino on Facebook and Twitter.

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Should I Put a Ring on It?

I waited in the reception area on the 16th floor of Marks&Rogers publishing for 15 minutes, crossing and uncrossing my legs and hoping my sweaty palms didn’t leave a water stain on the copy of my resume I gripped in my hand. Finally, Loni poked her head into the room and called, “Josephine?” I felt like I was in the doctor’s office.

“Hi.” I stood and shook her hand firmly while maintaining steady eye contact.

“I’m Loni.” She held the door open for me. “Follow me.”

I trailed her down the dark hallway and into her small, cramped office. There were books everywhere. She cleared off a pile on the chair in front of her desk and gestured for me to sit down.

She apologized for the mess. “It’s been a little crazy ever since we announced the new imprint. I’m not even officially the HR rep for Literatti, I’m just standing in until we hire one.”

I sat down. “Well, thank you for meeting with me and considering me for the opportunity,” I said, stiffly. It’s times like these that I wish I had a clone. I’d rather get a root canal than go on a job interview.

“We’re not considering you yet,” she said, pointedly, as she put on her glasses to examine the copy of my resume that I’d left on her desk.

Gulp.

All of a sudden, her expression changed. “You’re Bill Shakespeare’s assistant?”

“I am.”

Loni took her glasses off and smiled. “I am such a fan of his writing.”

Yes, I had an in! “I know. I am too. It’s been a huge honor to work for him.” I left out the fact that in my daily duties, I’m more likely to clean up his bulldog’s poop than I am to read his latest manuscript.

“What’s he like?” She balanced her chin on her hand and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I’ve heard he’s a bit of an eccentric.”

I laughed. I debated what I was about to say next, but ultimately decided to go with it. “Well, between you and me, I’m always shocked that someone as brilliant as Bill has so many issues with a program as simple as Microsoft Word.”

It was the right thing to say. Loni tilted her head back and roared with laughter. I didn’t think it was that funny, but it sure tickled Loni’s pickle.

Once she’d composed herself, Loni said, “So, we actually have two executive editorial assistant positions open here.”

I sat up straighter. “Oh, really?”

“Yes. Like I said, it’s crazy here right now. Literatti is essentially a start-up, so we’re still hiring staff and trying to build out the office.” Loni peered over my shoulder and at the open door behind me. “Can you shut that?”

I stood up and shut the door. I didn’t anticipate how light it was, and gave it a much harder push than I needed to. It slammed shut loudly, rattling the art hanging on Loni’s walls. I cringed. “Sorry about that.”

Loni waved her hand, clearly still charmed by my anecdote about Bill. “This is extremely confidential, but we’ve hired the editor in chief of Literatti, as well as his number two. Both need assistants, so you’ll be meeting with them both. Separately.”

“Great.” I smiled. “Is there anything I should know about them before I meet them?” Like does the editor in chief have a penchant for bright young things in pencil skirts? Loni paused. “The editor in chief is William Bradford. He’s coming to us from a literary agency. He”—she stopped. She seemed to gather her thoughts before speaking again. “I don’t know much about him, unfortunately. Megan Lavelle is the executive editor, but she’s been with Marks&Rogers in one way or another for the last 15 years. She’s tough, but she’s very, very good at what she does.”

I made a mental note of their names so that I could Google them both later—and also ask Peter if William Bradford was the guy he was talking about. As soon as the interview ended and I had some privacy, I sent Peter a text.

William Bradford? Is that the guy you were warning me about?

That’s him, Peter wrote back, a few seconds later.

So all I had to do was win over one Megan Lavelle. I bet Elizabeth hadn’t banked on the fact that there would be two positions open. Knowing that one of them came with no strings attached made me want it even more.

I hurried from my interview to my apartment to change. I’d told Bill I had a doctor’s appointment that morning and would be late, but I couldn't show up at his place rocking a knee length black dress without arousing suspicion. My work uniform was dark skinny jeans, a silk top, and a blazer.

The rest of the day dragged on. Finally, it was 6 p.m. I was making dinner for Justin, kind of a mea culpa (Latin for “my mistake”) for the other night, so I did a manic run around the grocery store, throwing random items in my cart and hoping it would taste good.

By the time Justin came over, my apartment at least it smelled good. “How did it go this morning?” Justin asked, kissing me on the cheek as I whisked bits of garlic around in a pan. If Justin no longer “approved” of my decision to pursue this opportunity, he was doing a really good job of hiding it.

I told Justin about the two positions. “So now, I’m like, should I mention I’m a lesbian or something?”

Justin laughed. “What?”

“Because a womanizer is not going to want to hire a lesbian! Then I can be Megan’s assistant. And even though she’s tough, I’ll eventually win her over like Anne Hathaway did to Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada.”

“You know what you could do.” Justin took a sip of his beer.

“What?”

“Wear a fake engagement ring.”

I stopped stirring for a second. “That’s actually not a terrible idea.”

“Right.” Justin said. “You don't even have to mention you’re engaged, so you don’t have to out right lie. Just make sure he sees it.”

I turned around and faced Justin. “Dear, will you take me cubic zirconia ring shopping?”

Justin walked over to me and put his arms around my waist. “Anything to make sure this meathead keeps his paws off of you.” He kissed me, then reached around behind me to turn off the stove. We left the food and stumbled into the bedroom…

I’m seriously contemplating Justin’s idea, but I still need to do everything in my power to impress Megan Lavelle, and make her realize that I am the assistant of her dreams. I have a few days to prepare for my interview with her, so in the meantime, I’m going to do what my generation does so well: Cyberstalk the hell out of her.

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Gossip: The Good, The Bad, and Why You Should Consider Giving It Up

Women like to talk.

We like to talk about shows, shoes, and celebrities. With our mothers, significant others and to one another. And, if we're being honest, about each other.

I read a statistic from a couple of years ago that the normal woman spends five hours a day gossiping. Five hours. That's 300 minutes, or approximately one-third of the average woman's time that she's awake during the day. And that's about 76 days a year.

For the past three and a half years, I spent, on average, about ten hours a day gossiping. But not about my peers' boyfriends, clothes, or Facebook profiles. I was a professional gossip columnist. A paid keeper of secrets who revealed them by a daily deadline.

Because of this, in my free time, I wanted little to do with actual gossip. I didn't care about who Sally So-and-So from high school was now shacking up with, even if it was her boss, because I had just spent all day trying to track down whether Celebrity A was dating Celebrity B (also something, honestly, I didn't care that much about. I fell into gossip reporting because, while at 15 I may have wanted to be Martha Gellhorn, at 24 I just wanted a byline. And a paycheck.)

I also didn't want to spend my two free hours of the week over dinner hearing about what my friends' thoughts were on our pals Jack and Jill's dysfunctional relationship, and how stupid Jill was, because I had to write enough about messed-up celebrity romances on a daily basis. Let them all call Dr. Drew if they needed some analysis. I just wanted another martini.

What I took from this, though, wasn't that I sat on a horse higher than all my peers because I didn't want to join in a good old fashioned gossip fest. I am far from a saint (just ask the bevy of Hollywood A-listers who probably have taken a hit out on me for airing their dirty laundry to the nation).

Gossip can be good, when innocent. It can be bonding and create a connection between two people that may not have existed otherwise. I have seen friendships formed based on little more than women discovering they both hated the same outfit on someone, detest their own thighs, or that story that starts out: "...this is so embarrassing, but..."

Women revel in putting trust in their girlfriends, or even their girlfriends' girlfriends, and if they can't bitch to their pals about their boyfriend/boss/mother-in-law, who else are they going to turn to? Women gossip because they're bored. They gossip because they are honestly curious and are looking for further information. But it isn't always so innocent.

Gossip can also be malicious. It can be the destroyer of careers, the deceitful assassin of reputations. It has a snowball effect where even the person who created it often is unable to rein it back in. Do I need to remind anyone of how Lindsay Lohan, as Cady Heron, almost got Tina-Fey-as-Ms.Norbury fired in Mean Girls? The words drug pusher will never be the same. Samantha Jones had to make her own sex video in SATC to counter-act salon gossip that her boyfriend was gay.

One water cooler rumor gone wrong, and years of hard work can go down a rabbit hole never to return, with little explanation why. And that's the sad part. Since women are more prone to gossip than men, we're often the ones doing it to each other.

Women often gossip out of envy, hurt, confusion, and feelings they believe to be hatred. They gossip to block each other's shine.

"Did you hear about the girl who is now dating your ex-boyfriend?" a friend of mine asked me recently, excited for the conversation that would ensue, looking to latch on to my self-proclaimed viscous streak.

"No, and I don't want to," I lied, trying to convince her and myself that I had no interest in gossiping about the unfamiliar woman.

Try it next time. And, hopefully, pretty soon it will be the truth.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

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Should We All Be Using 'Butt Gel?'

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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