South Korean Female Body Builders Are Changing the Country's Perception of Beauty

Former South Korean beauty queen Jeong Yeon Soon decided to quit pageant life and start lifting weights when she saw how toned Madonna looked. Now, she competes in body building competitions and has dedicated her life to changing insanely harsh South Korean beauty ideals [via BBC].

In a video for the BBC, Soon describes the typical South Korean attitude toward body image as "Women should be feminine and small." People are often confused by her lifestyle: "'She must be transgender,' people say."

In order to train for the many competitions she competes in, Soon eats boiled chicken, potatoes, vegetables without any salt or flavoring five times a day. She says it makes it hard to make friends or go on dates.

Soon knows what she's doing is important, though. South Koreans spend millions of dollars a year on plastic surgery (including whole-body liposuction) to look the way they think they should look. Soon is promoting a trend of Korean women wanting healthier, more fit bodies.

They're are starting to forgo procedures like "surgical removal of calf muscle in a bid to slim the legs." Dr. Suh Mah Koon says, "In Korea, healthy beauty is becoming more popular and is becoming more main-theme [sic]."

While body-building is not the ultimate goal for most of these women, Soon is happy to see that it's a little more crowded in the gym.

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12 Books That Totally Get Female Friendship

Friendships are rich territory for fiction and my personal thematic catnip. If I read a book jacket that says the word friendship, particularly if it’s got a female protagonist, I’m already halfway to loving the book. Next time you’re feeling nostalgic for your childhood BFF or that girl you adored in high school, or you just feel like falling into the story of two women not unlike you and your future maid of honor, check out these titles. They each capture the essence of friendships at different life stages.

CHILDHOOD

As a kid, I once built a fort with my neighbor in her backyard where we reigned over a menagerie of stuffed animals. I don’t remember what we called our kingdom, but it wasn’t much different from Terabithia, the imaginary sanctuary two friends create in Katherine Paterson’s incomparable novel The Bridge to Terabithia. Like Jesse and Leslie, my friend and I slipped in and out of the game whenever we felt like it — essentially, we lived halfway in an imaginary kingdom. The Bridge to Terabithia has one of the saddest endings I can think of, but the story also evokes that giddy, anything-is-possible-when-I’m-with-you feeling so well you’ll be glad, even while you’re sobbing hysterically, that you read it.

PRETEEN

In L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series, Anne and Diana coin the phrase “bosom friends” to describe their relationship. (Which honestly kind of weirded me out when I was a preteen and embarrassed by any word that correlated to a body part.) Their early devotion will be familiar to anyone who spent every weekend sleeping over at her best friend’s house.

“I’ll never have another bosom friend — I don't want to have. I couldn't love anybody as I love you.”

“Oh Diana,” cried Anne, clasping her hands, “do you love me?”

“Why, of course I do. Didn’t you know that?” 

In many ways, your preteen best friend is also your first love — there’s courtship and a promise (often including an exchange of jewelry!), though BFFs have a way better chance of lasting forever. 

ADOLESCENCE

I could write a whole post on all the awesome books about teenage friendship. But I want to spotlight My Brilliant Friend, by reclusive Italian novelist Elena Ferrante. The story is set in a small Italian village outside Naples, and it follows Lila and Elena from the beginnings of their friendship — playing with dolls, competing at school, terrifying each other with stories about neighborhood villains — to their late teen years, when their paths diverge. Though they’re both accepted into upper school, Lila can’t afford to go. She grows beautiful while working at her father’s cobbling business, her potential thwarted. Elena, meanwhile, suffers an awkward adolescence and is both tormented and inspired by her friend’s beauty and unquenchable intelligence. Ferrante captures the delicate blend of envy and loyalty that afflicts girls who see in each other everything they are not, and who, despite it all, share a fierce love.

HIGH SCHOOL

I’ve made high school a separate category from adolescence not just so I can include more worthy books, but also because high school can act as a kind of poison on even the closest friendships. In short, girls can be bitches, and if you didn’t learn that in grade school, there’s not a chance you’re getting out of high school without knowing that even the people you trust the most will occasionally stab you in the back. Megan Abbott’s Dare Me is the magnetic story of what happens to Addy and Beth’s friendship when the cheerleading squad they’re used to running gets a new coach. Abbott understands girls — she gets their sweetness, their complexity, and their ability to be completely vicious.

COLLEGE

Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl opens with a rift between twin sisters Cath and Wren after Wren decides not to be Cath’s roommate their freshman year of college. The story of how these sisters (and lifelong BFFs) separate and then come together again is moving and authentic. Plus, Fangirl has extra bonus girl-friendship action — the scenes in which Cath befriends her new roommate, the caustic and LOL-funny Reagan, are as entertaining as they are recognizable.

20s

Mary McCarthy’s The Group scandalized the world when it was published in the early ‘60s with its frank take on sex, marriage, breastfeeding and the horrors of early birth control (oh my god, you guys, PESSARIES). Cosmopolitan called it, “Juicy, shocking, witty and almost continually brilliant,” in one of its earliest reviews. The “group” is composed of eight Vassar grads tackling post-college life, and the novel weaves in and out of individual stories, so that the effect is a kind of collage. You see each girl through her own eyes and the group’s eyes, a narrative trick that underscores the permanent way college friends influence our identity. If The Group leaves you hankering for more, follow it up with J. Courtney Sullivan’s Commencement, a contemporary take on the same theme — except instead of Vassar, Sullivan’s “group” graduated from Smith.

There’s a scene in Emily Gould’s forthcoming novel, Friendship, that’s a straight-up echo of Anne and Diana’s pledge in Anne of Green Gables — except Gould’s take has a decidedly Girls-esque spin. Twentysomething Bev and Amy are sitting on the fire escape of Amy’s new apartment, drinking wine from paper cups, when Bev confesses that Amy is her “best friend.” The awkward tenderness of that moment, which will resonate with any girl who’s experienced the adult version of friend-courtship, sets the tone for this insightful book about female relationships and how they change as women approach their 30s.

30s

Recently I’ve noticed a lot of my girlfriends talking about “cutting the fat” — severing their ties to friends, even close friends, because they no longer have anything in common with them, or because the friendship has grown toxic. Lucinda Rosenfeld is a biting novelist, and with I’m So Happy for You she shows what happens when friendship turns sour. Wendy is used to helping her longtime BFF Daphne clean up the crazy messes she makes of her life. But when Daphne starts to get her act together, Wendy can’t handle it and sets off on a destructive bender that threatens to tear them apart.

If cattiness isn't your bag, counter the bleakness with Sheila Heti’s How Should a Person Be?. This book has been classified as a fictional memoir, because it’s partially composed of real-life gchats and email exchanges between Heti and her BFF, Margaux Williamson, a visual artist. Though Heti’s novel tackles a ton of complicated and personal terrain — her shitty relationships with men, her artistic dreams and failures — it is, above all, a vivid and modern portrait of two women friends. Williamson and Heti aren't just inseparable in normal BFF ways — they’re artists who share a passionate ambition for greatness in their respective fields.

MARRIAGE

The when of the marriage is less important than the who, and when I imagine my wedding, it’s my bridal party that I think of first. Why is it that marriage makes us want to reconnect with our closest girlfriends, even the ones we haven’t spoken to in years? In Judy Blume’s Summer Sister, Vix is the quiet, bookish sidekick to Caitlin’s dazzling firework of a personality, and the novel trails them through their summers together on Martha’s Vineyard. Years after they’ve grown apart, Caitlin asks Vix to be her maid of honor — and Vix says yes, even though she has a secret history with her friend’s fiancé. You’ll be riveted as both girls learn the extent of their capacity for betrayal and devotion.

FOREVER AND EVER

You’ve probably seen the AMAZING movie version of Beaches, starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey. (If you haven’t, now you have Friday-night plans — order a pizza, call your best friend, and get nice and wine drunk while you guys scream-sing “The Wind Beneath Your Wings.”) The novel is even better. The story of Cee Cee and Bertie's friendship, which spans 30 years of love affairs and jealousy, of closeness and distance, is a moving portrait of lifelong friendship. You already knew best friends can weather ups and downs, but Beaches is the perfect (and tear-jerky) reminder.  

Related: 

10 Books by Women You Have to Read This Spring

10 Things Books Taught Me About Relationships

8 Reasons Guys Who Read Make the Best Boyfriends

Follow Julie on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Sullivan

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First Female GM CEO Makes Half Of What Her Predecessor Did

While the new CEO of General Motors, Mary Barra, was namechecked by President Obama during the State of the Union to illustrate how far women in the workplace have come, her paycheck doesn't reflect it. Barra is only making 48 percent of what her predecessor, Dan Akerson, netted in the same position.

Barra gets $4.4 million in total compensation, including a base salary of $1.6 million, in 2014. Akerman, who had far less experience in the industry than Barra, made $9 million in compensation last year, comprised of a $1.7 million base salary and $7.3 million in stock. He also continues to make more than Barra as an advisor to GM.

For the sake of argument, Yahoo Auto argues that the final shareholder quotes won't be rolled out until June, and it's unfair to analyze and judge the discrepancy in Akerman and Barra's wages at this point.

Nevertheless, this reflects the overall state of the wage gap that continues to exist between male and female execs; the latter still make 18 percent less than the men, even the highest-paid employees. Embarrassing.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty

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Sex Talk Realness: Female Masturbation

At what age did you first start masturbating?

Woman A: Probably around 5 or 6.

Woman B: 18? 19? Freshman in college.

Woman C: Less than 4? I don't ever remember not doing it (once I realized what it was). My neighbors, who were sisters, all 1-3 years older than me, told me about it. This is a super weird concept for me now that I'm an adult, but it was really innocent since there was no comprehension or apprehension. Just hey, check out this cool thing I discovered, like it was a new game.

Were you aware of what masturbation was?

Woman A: No, definitely not. I finally realized what it was when I was 11 or 12 and read Judy Blume's Deenie. (Blume actually used the word "masturbation" so I was able to make the connection). After that, my mother gave me a Catholic book cataloguing every single sin (to be used before going to confession) and I found that "masturbation" was listed under the sins for "Thou shall not commit adultery." After that point I stopped masturbating for around 2 to 3 years. (I swear I'm not as crazy as I used to be).

Woman B: Yes.

Woman C: No, I didn't actually understand what it was until I was probably 9 or 10. This is when I started watching "more mature" movies/television, and when I remember kids talking about sex in general. So once that became a conversation I had a basic knowledge of, it became very obvious that's what I was tapping into with that particular activity.

What was your early-years masturbation technique?

Woman A: Just clitoral stimulation. I also for some reason always laid on my stomach.

Woman B: Just your classic finger-clitoral stimulation.

Woman C: Rubbing on pillows or whatever felt good. The most rudimentary stuff for many, many years.

Has it changed over the years or do you still masturbate the way you did when you first started?

Woman A: It's still the same, but I no longer lay on my stomach. I don't know why I did that?

Woman B: I stick with the classics.

Woman C: No, that would be quite the quirk. There weren't any big changes until high school, once I was actually partaking in sex with a boyfriend. I didn't try anything new on my own, but once I knew other things felt better they were incorporated.

How quickly are you able to get yourself off?

Woman A: Very, very quickly. It probably only takes me a minute or two, but obviously I like to enjoy it, so I usually stretch it out to make it last longer (also, better orgasms that way).

Woman B: If I'm in a time crunch I could probably have a go in about 5 minutes?

Woman C: Very fast if there is something or someone else there, i.e. masturbating in front of my boyfriend or porn, I'd say 5 minutes once I'm actually doing it. If there is nothing else happening — by myself, nothing to see and/or hear, closer to 20 minutes.

How quickly do you come from sex?

Woman A: I am capable of coming from sex without fingering my clitoris but I don't usually choose to. I can come from sex alone after about 10 to 20 minutes. With using both I can come in under 5 minutes (again, I don't usually choose to make it that fast).

Woman B: Penetration? Rarely, if ever. Depends on the guy. Def not in five minutes.

Woman C: Pretty fast, 5 to 10 minutes, but I usually come multiple times during sex. On average every 3-5 minutes after the initial orgasm. This very new though, just in the last year, I feel like I went through a second puberty.

Do you find that masturbation has helped you articulate what you enjoy with your partner/what helps you get off?

Woman A: I don't really think that it was masturbation that did that. I think it was dating a man who made me totally comfortable with my sexuality. I used to be extremely embarrassed about masturbating. I didn't tell any of my friends in middle school or early high school and kind of thought that I was the only one who did it. My first boyfriend asked me if I did, and I'm a horrible liar, so he quickly discovered that I did. He helped me to realize that it was totally normal (something that my Catholic mother would never have talked with me about).

Woman B: I don't think so? But then again, I haven't exactly been with a guy that I feel like being "chatty" with. Is that weird?

Woman C: Yes, I recommend it to friends when they're having trouble, too. Most of the problems my friends tell me about, in my opinion, could be improved upon by either practicing on their own or incorporating masturbation into sex with their partner. It's really important to find out what feels good to you, not just what is supposed to feel good.

Have you ever bought a vibrator? Why/why not?

Woman A: Ugh, god. I really hate vibrators. I bought one at one of those corny at-home sex toy parties when I was in college (that was my first one). Vibrators depress me for some reason. They make me feel like "I wasn't able to find a man to fuck me, so I settled for this lousy vibrator instead." I think I'd rather just have a one night stand than use a vibrator, since I'm so easy to get off. I even much prefer to just use my hand than having some artificial dick in me. Although, now that I really like having both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, and I have much better orgasms with both, I should give the ol' vibrator a try again.

Woman B: I swear this is going to be my year! I want one, then I get squeamish, then I want one, and then I actually saw the Rabbit in person at Babeland and my whole body seized in fear. I guess I just don't know what I really want in a sex toy. Plus, I'm getting myself off just fine.

Woman C: Technically, no, but I had a boyfriend buy one for me as a parting gift when we were entering a long distance relationship. I spend my disposable income on food.

If so, do you use it?

Woman A: No, I tossed it my senior year of college.

Woman B: [See above.]

Woman C:I never use it because it's so loud, but it was a very nice present! It's the famous Hitachi Magic Wand and it's too rough for me. Every once in awhile, if my roommates are not at home, I'll bring it out along with layers to protect me and make it actually very enjoyable.

Do you use your imagination, watch porn, look at pictures, or misc.?

Woman A: I definitely watch porn, another thing I feel guilty about because a lot of the porn industry is so fucked up, and I don't, like, pay to watch ethical porn or anything. I just like watching what's free on the internet.

Woman B: Imagination and porn.

Woman C: All of the above, I'm the female "Don Jon" minus the addiction, but I prefer sex with another person. The mental and emotional aspects make it way more interesting.

If you watch porn, what kind?

Woman A: I watch a lot of lesbian porn, but I find it pretty unrealistic most of the time, which isn't very hot. I also like anal and dominatrix-y stuff. I also love James Deen (like any other straight-ish girl). I think his porn is ridiculously hot.

Woman B: If straight, I enjoy a good male authority figure role play (teacher, boss, etc). But I also tend to enjoy most lesbian porn (meaning two women, not porn for lesbians) that doesn't focus as much as being as raunchy as possible? I guess when it comes to porn, the less cinéma vérité the better.

Woman C: Whatever looks interesting and is free. When I first started watching porn though, I only watched girl-on-girl just because the guys made me really uncomfortable and whenever they were involved it was all about them. Plus I didn't want to risk seeing something that felt less-than-consensual, and it functioned as a safety net against seeing that happening. Now, I prefer the guys being there as long as it looks like everyone is happy to be there.

Are you embarrassed to admit you watch it?

Woman A: No, not really. Maybe to a public stadium full of people. Well, also I would never, ever tell my mother. I guess I might if she was a normal person.

Woman B: I used to be. I didn't think other girls would watch porn unless their man wanted them to. Totally a result of not really exploring my sexuality until now.

Woman C: No, but I don't bring it up. I feel guilty because I know the odds of me finding something where all parties are really happy to be doing what they're doing for an anonymous audience are incredibly slim.

Do you talk about masturbation with female friends?

Woman A: Oh, definitely! I don't spare any details from my female friends. We talk about techniques, if we use vibrators or not, how long it takes to get off (basically most of the questions this survey asked).

Woman B: Only recently. Some of my friends still get really uncomfortable talking about it. It upsets me! If I had known that other girls were masturbating I wouldn't have waited as long as I did to do it myself! In high school, guys would joke about masturbation all the time and everyone would laugh. It was cool for them. But if I would have made a joke about that I'm sure I would have been shipped off to Nun Island. It kind of bothers me in retrospect about the conversational limit that women put on themselves and their sexuality. I GET OFF, SO CAN YOU! (JK kinda.)

Woman C: If they ask; hell yes, but most do not. Even if a female friend is asking me for advice about sex with a partner, they still seem to shy away from the topic, even though it really would help!

Previously on Sex Talk Realness:
Squirting
Anal Sex
Sending Naked Pictures

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty

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Openly Gay Female Baller Gets Nike Endorsement Deal

The times they are-a-changin.' While the fight for equality for gays and lesbians rages on from the steps of Washington to the boardrooms of the Boys Scouts, some progressive companies like Nike have no problem choosing a side. The powerhouse sports brand has just endorsed 22-year-old WNBA draft pick and openly gay woman, Brittney Griner.

The Nike endorsement was announced just a couple of days after Griner spoke openly about her sexuality to Sports Illustrated in an interview.  When asked if it was difficult to be out of the closet as a famous athlete, Griner responded, “I’ve always been open about who I am and my sexuality.  It wasn’t hard at all.  If I can show that I’m out and I’m fine, then hopefully the younger generation will feel the same way.”

Although Griner is not the first openly gay woman to get a major endorsement deal, it is a significant symbol of where the culture is heading.  If tolerance toward gays and lesbians is being promoted in the world of major league sports, one of the most macho and conservative facets of society, it’s clear that we are moving forward.  

While Nike has been very vocal about wanting to endorse openly gay athletes, they are still waiting for a man to come out. For some reason it’s been easier for female athletes to be open about their sexuality without damaging their careers.    

At another point during the interview, Griner gives people of all genders and sexual orientations some very sage advice.  She says, “I”ve always been one to be myself and be different...it’s okay to be different, you don’t want to be like everybody else. Be who you are, and don’t worry about what other people are gonna say 'cuz they’re always gonna say something.”  

Whether you are gay, straight, bisexual or just plain over it, those are some good words to live by.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Want more musings from Rose? Follow her on Twitter.

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President Obama Invited All The Female Senators To Dinner Last Night

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure

Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure
ASIN: B001PYOOWU | edition 1957 | PDF | 100 pages | 30 mb
The detailed description how to draw a female body. For beginners it will be very useful.

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Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure

Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure
ASIN: B001PYOOWU | edition 1957 | PDF | 100 pages | 30 mb
The detailed description how to draw a female body. For beginners it will be very useful.

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure

Francis. Marshall, Drawing the female figure
ASIN: B001PYOOWU | edition 1957 | PDF | 100 pages | 30 mb
The detailed description how to draw a female body. For beginners it will be very useful.

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

Margaret Thatcher, Britain's First Female PM, Dead at 87

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Contact Michelle

Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Bonkers Chinese Professor Says Female Students Should Wear Makeup to Improve the Boys' Studying Skills

There's been much talk in the last week of exactly what constitutes "inappropriate" professional/academic behavior towards women. After President Obama joked that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is, among other things, the "best-looking" Attorney General in the country, a shitstorm of criticism and backlash of defenses cropped up in the press.

While many asserted that Obama's joke was inappropriate, some female pundits on Fox and Friends as well as CNN columnist Roxanne Jones said that the anger was a severe overreaction. The gist of their argument? "I'd be flattered if the President said I was pretty." (How nice for them!) But we don't really know how Harris herself feels about it: Smartly, she's stayed out of the subsequent debate.

All this begs the question: When do we draw the line between a harmless remark and a sexist statement? And regardless of whether it was meant to be sexist, isn't the offhand objectification of women by a figure in power sort of harmful either way?

Yesterday, Professor He Guangshun of the Guangdong University of Foreign Studies posted a comment he made in class to Weibo (the Chinese Twitter):

It’s cruel that girls have to come to class at 8:30 am. They should have more time to put on their makeup and enter the classroom elegantly. That way, encouraged and moved by their beauty, boys would have the drive to work hard.

First of all, I always considered going to any pre-noon class in makeup the same thing as going to the gym in makeup. No, sir. I will carry on the proud co-ed tradition of greasy top-knot and pizza-stained sweatpants, thank you muchly. If the boys were "moved" by anything, it was the fact that I smelled like rum, cigarettes, and one ineffective spritz of Gap Dream. IT'S CALLED BEING LOVELY, PEOPLE. TRY IT.

Second of all, I mean... nothing about this makes sense. Put on makeup, you've got a class full of Beautiful Minds. Put on yoga pants, and you're distracting? Other points of confusion: The fact that Guangshun thought it was OK to say in class. The fact that he thought it was so clever he should put it on the Internet. And, above all, the fact that many people are laughing it off or agreeing with him. Including women.

Part of the reason for this is that Shanghai students, even those who have access to a college education, show a marked disinterest in gender studies education and traditional gender norms are huge. Then again, what's our country's excuse?

On the bright side, I'm all for nixing all 8:30 AM classes. You?

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

Photo via Getty Images

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Down With Sexist Ads: #NotBuyingIt Is Crowd Funding </br> Female Power

Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
Read More

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Contact Michelle

Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Find all posts by Dara
Contact Dara

Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Contact Elisa

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"Sex And The Citadel:" Women Choosing Female Circumcision for Their Daughters

Are women choosing genital mutilation for their own daughters? And are those daughters buying lingerie to signal sexual desire to their husbands? According to Shereem El Feki's new book, "Sex and the Citadel," yes.

Yesterday NPR's Fresh Air spoke with El Feki, the former vice chair of the U.N.'s Global Commission on HIV and Law, and a former health care correspondent for The Economist, whose book examines the previously unspoken sexual and social laws of young Arab couples, primarily women.

A number of her discoveries about the societal and sexual climate of these twenty-somethings are, admittedly, alarming... but let's not forget that America could use a primer in women's rights, too.

On the need for hymen repair surgery, which El Feki classifies as a "shadowy business:" "I know of young women who have been returned to their families by their husbands because, as you say, they did not bleed on defloweration."

As of 2008, 90 percent of Egyptian women under the age of 50 were circumcised, and about 80 percent of girls aged 15 to 17 had been circumcised, specifically, even though many Egyptian leaders have been vocal that the practice of female genital mutilation is against the teachings of Islam and Christianity. So who actually makes the decision in each individual case? Shockingly, it's not the men of the house.

According to El Feki: "[Women] are making the decisions about their daughters' well-being and FGM [female genital mutilation], to cut or not to cut. [...] They are making these decisions based on faulty information, but the fact is, they have agency; and the key to moving forward is to recognize that power and to shift it to a decision which is recognizing and respecting their child's physical and mental rights."

The primary reason behind the older women's choice to inflict this unimaginable pain on their daughters is because the clitoris is still seen as "an engine of female desire" that "needs to be tamed," lest the woman grow up to be unfaithful to her husband or make "unrealistic demands" of him.

That said, here's a fascinating thing, particularly when you consider our stateside feminist implications behind a mass-market lingerie retailer like, say, Victoria's Secret. Lingerie sales are skyrocketing in the Arab world as a way for women—whose sexuality, when vocalized, is perceived as a threat to their marriage, their husbands and themselves—to signal to their husbands that they're feeling sexual desire.

El Feki: "It was interesting because these women did not conceive of lingerie as being a tool of male oppression. For them it was a tool of empowerment because they could signal their sexual desire not by actually saying, 'I would like to have sex tonight,' but by putting on this lingerie and then sending out more subtle signals."

A 2008-2009 study shows that domestic abuse remains the norm, says El Feki:

"It was interesting that many of these young people — significant percentages, men and women — agreed that a man should beat his wife if she refuses to have sex with him unless she had a very, very good excuse, or that a man is justified in beating his wife if she is unfaithful."

And, while these women do cite sexual pleasure in their lives, that isn't necessarily defined as an orgasm:

"They saw sexual satisfaction, for example, in that their husbands were happy in bed or that their overall life was happy in marriage, in that the kids were fed and the bills were paid and they had a roof over their head."

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

Image: UN Women/Fatma El Zahraa Yassin

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Korin Miller
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