You Can Never Get Enough Teasers for "American Horror Story: Freak Show"

Another day, another extremely spooky teaser for American Horror Story: Freak Show. In this one, which follows the demon hand and the three-legged acrobat, a human-like figure can be seen crammed in a cage while a second human-like figure with finger tattoos strokes the cage lovingly. Cool! JK, not cool, everything is so scary.

The Hollywood Reporter also has a first look at the cast in their full Freak Show regalia, and it's positively wonderful. Sarah Paulson is near the top as conjoined twins Bette and Dot, while Kathy Bates makes an appearance as the Bearded Lady. "It's darker than Coven," Ryan Murphy told THR. "It feels very unique." Um, no kidding.

And if that's still not enough AHS for you, here's another teaser that will forever ruin the appeal of lollipops:

[via Entertainment Weekly]

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You Won’t Believe This Horror Movie About Porn Is Real

Christian production company Holy Moly Pictures just released the first trailer for their upcoming film The Lock-In, due on January 9th (via Metro). In it, teens bring a tattered porn magazine to their church lock-in and are, ahem, punished for it. Just watching the trailer, I have some issues:

1. The main characters are supposedly high-school seniors and act like this is the first time they’ve ever seen pornography.

2. "We are making a small, little fun movie." No one talks like that and I can't wait to watch masturbation demons murder you now. I officially have zero emotional investment in the characters and we're about 8 seconds into this trailer.

3. They call it a “nudie mag” like they’re the cast of Stand By Me.

4. Why are you taking pornography you found in a bush? So many things wrong with that.

5. Based on the above, not one of them have ever been on the internet, ever.

6. I am absolutely positive that a church lock-in doesn’t actually involve locking the church so no one can leave because that is insane.

7. Why does this church have so many security cameras?

8. We have a shot of someone that probably lives in his mom's basement say "to see what [pornography] did to those kids..." and then we cut to a poorly lit shot of someone hanging out on stairs being really bad at pretending to yell. I will never look at porn again if it means i don't have to watch this movie.

9. Demons or no, nothing about a church lock-in sounds fun.

10. Stop yelling, “Jessica!” If you’re going to have someone screaming “Jessica” in your trailer that many times, then maybe also show Jessica once in the trailer.

11. I see demons every time I look at pornography. I don’t understand what the issue here is.

Personally, I can’t wait to watch an hour and a half of grainy, night-vision footage of religious teens running around yelling and probably not doing much else since this is still meant to be family-friendly. I know what I’m doing January 9th.

Photo Credit: Holy Moly Pictures

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The Horror! Real Women's Post-Coital Nightmares

All sorts of embarrassing, random things can happen before and during sex, but after the deed is done, shit can get just as weird. We asked some ladies to share some of the worst things that have happened to them when they were supposed to be basking in a post-O glow.
"My guy and I were lying in bed post-sex, just talking. I had just taken a sip of water when my man told a really funny joke and I started choke-coughing. To the point that I ended up throwing up on his bare chest. This was after only knowing the guy for two months, but somehow we are still together!" —Patty, 28
"In high school, my boyfriend and I were getting busy in my parents' laundry room, with me sitting on top of the washing machine. The sex was totally hot—except that right after we finished, the laundry door swung wide open, and my Dad was standing there, seeing me completely naked, post-orgasm. Needless to say, my boyfriend was not allowed to come over anymore." —Megan, 23
"Before I went on the Pill, my cycle was super irregular and I never knew when Aunt Flo was going to come a-calling. One night, after getting busy with my new boyfriend in his bed, the floodgates of hell opened between my legs and blood gushed out everywhere—like the sheets looked like someone was killed in them. His face looked horrified. Not knowing what else to do, and super embarrassed, I balled up the sheets immediately, them took them back to my place and threw them in the dumpster." —Jessica, 21
"One time after hooking up with a guy I had a huge crush on, I laid back on the pillow and my vagina let out a long, wet queef. He gave me a WTF? look and I nearly died." —Ashley, 25
"In high school, I went over to my boyfriend's mom's house and we decide to have sex in the shower to spice things up. He told me his mom wasn't coming home until super late (which was good because she hated me) so imagine my surprise when, right after we finished some steamy action, there was a sharp knock on the bathroom door. He couldn't tell his mom to go away without it being suspicious and I ended up having no choice but to put my clothes back on and follow him out of the bathroom, with her standing there, glaring at me." —Emma, 22
"While basking in a post-O dream-state after having sex with my man, I noticed something large and black toward the bottom of the bed on the sheets. All of a sudden, it moved, and I realized that a huge wolf spider was running up between my legs. I froze until it literally jumped onto my outer-vag, at which point I jumped up naked and screaming, in front of my open window no less. My guy was in the bathroom when all of this occurred and he ran out when he heard my screams, then helped me kill the thing. (Yes, it took too people because it was so big and so fast.) Ever since, I've been checking out sheets, terrified it will happen again." —Noel, 29
"I went home with this guy and he started singing 'Part of Your World' from The Little Mermaid to me post-sex. It was pretty much the creepiest thing I have ever experienced." —Beth, 26
"I had just given a guy what sounded like the best orgasm the man had ever experienced. I lied there, expecting some solid cuddle time, when he suddenly said, 'Man, I really need to call my grandma,' then went out of the room to do so, leaving me there. Wait … what?" —Sara, 28
"There was this older guy I had a huge crush on in college and after a night of hanging out at his frat, we went back to his place. After fooling around for a bit, I sat up in bed not feeling so good. He asked me if I was going to barf and I said no (I'd never thrown up from alcohol before). Then, all of a sudden, I started power-barfing into my hands and all over his sheets. He was really nice about it but I felt like an idiot." —Natalie, 24

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Blind Date Horror Stories

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