"How Important Are Perky Boobs?"

How important are things like perkiness and shape to a guy when it comes to breasts? I mean, I've got size on my side, but when it comes to the rest, well, I'm no Emily Ratajkowski. Is it something worth feeling self-conscious about?

Guys go so nuts over boobs that I understand where you’re coming from: For most of 2014, the most popular story at GQ.com has been nine-year-old slideshow called “Golden Globes: The Most Unforgettable Breasts in Movie History.” Why? Because boobs.

Guys love boobs. They love Emily Ratajkowski’s “Blurred Lines” breasts, and Kate Upton’s gravity-defying space breasts — but they also fantasize about flat chests and muscular Olympic chests and everything in between. Still, I’m not so sure that guys’ fantasies have very much to do with their real sex lives. 

From what I hear, very few guys are sleeping with video vixens, bikini models, or Victoria’s Secret Angels. Granted, that could be because Leo is dating more than his fair share, but still, millions of men are getting turned on and going nuts, right this minute, over real women’s breasts. Why? Because boobs. Guys love boobs.

You? You get two breasts. And it's useless to worry about what might turn on a guy a bit more or less, because the only way to change that is plastic surgery, which generally fucking sucks, aesthetically and medically. So let me quote the children’s book Pinkalicious: “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” You get your breasts, not anybody else’s. That’s it. No returns.

But you also get the choice to feel good or bad about your body. Whether a guy likes big butts or tiny waists, Amazonian legs or petite little things, the one constant is that every woman is sexier when she feels comfortable in her own skin. Easier said that done? Sure. But I bet just about any guy who gets to see your breasts will love them. Because boobs.

I am a virgin, and I have a friend who'd like to become a friend with benefits. He knows I was never with anyone else, but he says he doesn't mind, although he's not in love with me. We're attracted to each other and there's desire, but I'm afraid I may end up making a big deal about it and not being able to keep it on the friends basis while he is able to without a worry in the world. I was already told to follow my heart, but I don't know what to do. My worst worry is I'm a generally jealous person and I don't think friends with benefits will work without making sure we'd only be seeing each other.

I think it’s telling that you begin, “I have friend who’d like to become a friend-with-benefits.” You could have started with, “I would like to have casual sex with my friend...” But you didn’t. And the rest of your message seems to follow through on that, suggesting that this guy is trying to talk you into casual sex.

If you feel like you’ll end up “making a big deal about it,” developing feelings for him, and becoming jealous if he doesn’t promise exclusivity, then casual sex is not for you. And that’s OK.

The reason I’m calling it “casual sex” is because “casual sex” is what this guy is offering you. “Friends with benefits” is a cute phrase, but not every friend who wants a benefit is a “friend with benefits.”

“Friends with benefits” implies a long-term, convenient relationship, in which both people are relative equals — and that’s rare. It’s extremely rare for anyone to find a pal who will hop into bed and swear off all feelings and other sex partners like it’s no big deal. But for a romantic virgin and an unromantic, sexually experienced guy to find that particular mature balance and mutual trust? That’s as rare as an immaculate conception.

Say no. Then go flirt with someone else.

You already know this guy doesn’t love you. Doesn’t that take some of the fun out of losing your virginity? I’m not saying you have to be madly in love. But why not lose your virginity like most of us do — with a knot of nervousness in your belly, some irrational hope in your heart, and no damn clue about what the hell will happen next?  

It doesn’t sound like you want to lose your virginity to a friend. It sounds like you want to lose it to a boyfriend.

I’m a 23-year-old female, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost five years. The thing is, throughout this time, we've been in a long-distance relationship. I love him and he's a good boyfriend, but I find myself cheating on him time to time. It worries me that I don't passionately love him as much when we apart as when we're together. I think I’m not happy, but then all of that changes when we are together. I don't want to break his heart, but I want to make a decision that’s right for me. I feel stuck. Please help me clear this up.

I had a girlfriend that I dated from high school on into college. She was lovely and smart when we got together at 16, and she was lovely and smart when we broke up at 20. No doubt, she’s even lovelier and smarter now. But, like most people who get together as teens, we couldn’t help but grow apart. That breakup seemed apocalyptic at the time, but it was the moment in my life when I learned that you don’t stay with someone just because he or she is a good person. There are plenty of good people out there; that’s just the starting point. You stay with a person because the person’s right for you. Otherwise, you end up hurting each other.

So I feel where you’re coming from, and I understand that the long-distance relationship is clouding the picture: Distance can make it hard to stay together, but it can also make it harder to break up. Still, I don’t think this is complicated. I’ll repeat just two lines from your email: “I love him and he’s a good boyfriend, but…” And: “I don’t want to break his heart, but I want to make a decision that’s right for me.”

That’s all I needed to read. You know what’s right for you. You’ve got to break up with him. You say he’s been good to you for five years, so stop disrespecting him by stringing him along and cheating behind his back. Maybe the first few times you cheated, you were testing boundaries or testing out your own feelings. But it’s not fair anymore. He deserves better. And so do you.

Do you need a guy's perspective on an issue? Ask Logan. Submit your question here.

Related: 

"Sex Does Nothing for Me"

"How Do I Make Friends With Benefits Work?"

"I Always Fantasize About Adding a Girl to Our Fun"

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The Definitive Pros and Cons of Having Small Boobs

PRO: You can get away with not wearing a bra. Sign me up for that backless dress!
CON: You still have to wear a bra most times because even though there's not much there, there's still enough going on to make being braless at work not socially acceptable.

PRO: You never have to try on shirts. If a shirt looks good on the hanger, it looks good on you. Shirt shopping is the best kind of shopping.
CON: Ugh, bikini shopping. First of all, you can only even buy bikinis sold as separates, because you're never the same size on the top and the bottom. If your top doesn't have enough padding, you look like a child. If your top has too much padding, you run the risk of what little boob you have falling out anyway.

PRO: You can wear super low-cut tops and dresses without worrying about anything falling out.
CON: You need to get a lot of dresses tailored because if they fit right on the bottom, they're usually too big on top. Separates are just generally your friend.

PRO: You don't feel like you need a bra when you're on top.
CON: Boob sex is a challenge if not downright impossible.

PRO: You can wear bras with no underwire. WAY more comfortable.
CON: You need an epic push-up bra to make any cleavage. Football players wear less padding. Also, push-up bras = not comfortable.

PRO: You can wear workout tops with built-in bras. For most exercise classes, they provide enough coverage. And they're super cute!
CON: Sports bras are the ultimate flattener. Remember that scene in Now & Then when young Roberta tapes down her boobs? Sports bras make you look like that, no tape required.

PRO: Exercising is comfortable. Boob-wise, at least. They never get in the way or feel painful bouncing around, because they don't bounce around.
CON: They stay small even when you gain weight. Bigger hips? Sure. Puffier face? Yup. Whenever you gain a few pounds, they show up literally anywhere but your boobs.

PRO: You don't have to worry about boob-related back pain or your bra straps digging into your shoulders.
CON: If you have puffy areolas, you always have to wear a bra with foam cups. Otherwise your puffy nips will show through your shirt. And that's just embarrassing.

RELATED:
21 Problems Only Girls With Big Boobs Understand
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Twentysomething
17 Not-So-Tiny Short People Problems

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22 Most Important Moments for Boobs of the Entire Year

1. February 1, 2013: J.Law reveals an important discovery: that her boobs are two different sizes. 

This is normal — apparently one in two women have uneven b00bz. But that's J.Law for you: just like us!

2. February 24th, 2013: Seth Macfarlane sings a stupid and offensive song about boobs at the Oscars.

"Jessica Chastain we saw your boobs" bla bla bla sexism bla bla. Maybe Billy Crystal would have been a better host after all.

3. February 2013: Kate Upton's second Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover comes out.

She got practically naked in Antarctica for the sake of giving the world a true boobs-out-of-water moment.

4. March 14, 2013: Angelina Jolie reveals she had a double masectomy to ward off cancer that runs in her family.

She wanted to educate other women on the procedure. 

5. March 20, 2013: The "Blurred Lines" video came out.

All people really cared about was how the models in the video were topless while Robin Thicke got to wear all of his tight suits.

6. April 1, 2013: Heidi Klum almost lost her bikini when she ran into the ocean to rescue her son from a riptide in Hawaii.

Heroic boobs.

7. April 13, 2013: Rebel Wilson busted out a rubber double-nippled boob during the MTV Movie Awards.

"I was born with a slight deformity," she said. "I have learned to love myself, and I want to say to everyone out there that no matter what size or shape you are, just love yourself." 

8. June 30, 2013: Cosmo cover girl Demi Lovato's bra becomes an object of cultural fascination.

The year wouldn't be complete without a boobs think piece.

9. July 23, 2013: Rihanna went out with her nipples showing.

They've been censored here by a hot pink cat, which, incidentally, is just as much fun to look at as real nips.

10. September 18, 2013: boob-like kettle bells go viral.

Oooh LOOK! THEY'RE LIKE B00BZ! Etc.

11. September 26, 2013: Nicki Minaj takes her rack for a stroll.

12. September 27, 2013: Topless fashion show protesters stormed a fancy fashion show in Paris.

No one really seemed to understand what they were against. But again, messages get lost when bare boobs are present.

13. October 22, 2013: Everyone tweeted about Ashley Benson's boobs during the Pretty Little Liars finale.

As you would.

14. October 31, 2013: Miley busts out her boob when she dresses as Lil' Kim  for Halloween.

Lil' Kim's reaction: "I wish I was there to squeeze your boob."

15. November 19, 2013: Kendall Jenner releases this *~ScAnDalOuS~*~ Instagram.

And everyone was all, "Eh, Rihanna did that months ago."

16. November 24, 2013: The Turkboob craze sweeps the internet.

17. December 2, 2013: Heidi Montag downsizes her gigantic rack. Stands fully upright for the first time in years.

From an F cup to a C cup.

18. December 11, 2013: Gisele releases a photo of herself breastfeeding on Instagram.

"She's so relatable!" exclaimed the entire world.

19. December 13, 2013: 21 Problems Only Women With Big Boobs Understand goes viral.

That's 189k Facebook shares and counting!

20. December, 2013: Amy Adams wears a V-neck down to her bellybutton for the 2.5-hour duration of the film American Hustle.
 

Did they think no one would see the movie otherwise?

21. December 14, 2013: Miley flashes her nipples. Because she's trying to free all of them.

This image is a reflection of her support for the film Free the Nipples which challenges U.S. censorship laws.

22. December, 2013: Kate Upton's  boobs star in the trailer for that new rom com she's in, The Other Woman. 

Or as Kate's breasts are also knows: les artistes.

Photo Credit: GSI, FameFlynet, Instagram, Getty, Columbia Pictures

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"I Had Angelina's Preventative Mastectomy—and a 'Goodbye to My Boobs' Party"

I recently learned that Angelina Jolie and I have something in common. Unfortunately, not her lips, high cheekbones or mysterious eyes—any of those would have been great! It was her boobs.

In 2009, at the age of 28, I tested positive for the breast cancer gene, BRCA1. In this case, positive actually means negative. This was not a huge surprise. I was only nine when my mother lost her battle to breast cancer at the all-too-young age of 42. Her older sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer years later; she fought and won, only to be hit with ovarian cancer in her 50’s, which ended her life. My now-healthy cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35. It was at that point that my family learned about genetic testing.

Despite my family history, I resisted taking the blood test for six years. At the time of my cousin's diagnosis, I was 23 and assumed I was invincible. I felt strongly that living with the knowledge of being predisposed to cancer would be like living under a dark cloud. But as the years passed I realized that living with the unknown felt like being stuck in a storm with no way out. If I had the gene, not taking the test wasn’t going to make it disappear, but finding out gave me an opportunity that the other women in my family didn’t have. I finally decided to confirm what I already knew deep down. Everyone has always told me I’m my mother’s daughter—and this was no exception.

If you’re diagnosed with the BRCA mutation, you can look at the situation two different ways: You can go with the “poor me” attitude, and I’ve definitely had moments, no hours… okay, actually weeks where I felt very sorry for myself. It’s really hard to learn what you’re genetically predisposed to. But overall I feel blessed. I had the rare opportunity to fight back before the cancer could even begin; to give cancer the big double finger. If my mother would have had this opportunity, I know she’d still be alive.

I took the test knowing if I had the gene, my boobs would have to go. I’d seen firsthand how harsh the treatment of cancer can be on everyone involved and I wanted none of that for my family, including my amazing husband, Rob. I’d also done research and learned that if you’ve got one of the two BRCA mutations, even if you catch the cancer early, they pretty much throw the book at you. The mutation actually inhibits your body from fighting off cancer in that area so the treatment prescribed will be extra aggressive. Sometimes your body will even build up immunity to chemotherapy. With all of this considered, the decision was easy. At the age of 31, I underwent a preventative double mastectomy.

The difficult questions were: Which procedure should I go with? How do I want my breasts reconstructed? Which doctor to choose? Will I keep the nipples? Those questions kept me up at night. Because if you’re going to lose something you love (I had great real boobs by the way—the perfect handfuls big enough to show some cleavage but small enough to stay perky without a bra), you want to replace them with something fabulous. And reconstruction is not like an ordinary boob job; it’s much more complicated.

Implants typically go under soft and squishy breast tissue. In my case, the doctors would remove that tissue, so in certain positions or if I’m dehydrated, there can be some rippling. I was lucky enough to stumble across an amazing group of women who had been in my shoes and paved the way. One of them even met me in a Starbucks where we not so discreetly ducked into the women’s bathroom so she could show me her new, reconstructed boobs. This helped me to realize that the results could be pretty great.

Leading up to my double mastectomy, I wanted to document what I was born with. So, yes, I had a boudoir photo shoot. Ladies, everyone should do this regardless of the breast cancer gene. Let’s capture these young sexy bodies while we can! I’d planned three different outfit changes, but my favorites ended up being just me in sexy underwear. The only thing not fun about the entire experience was my photographer turned on the air conditioning in February (I live in Seattle). We had to make sure the girls looked their best for their first and final debut. I’m so glad I did this. I now have something I will be able to look back on forever that will remind me of what the real ones looked like.

Here I am getting ready for battle at one of the more clothed shots from my boudoir session with photographer Sara Tro.

The Saturday night before my big surgery, five of my closest girlfriends got together and threw a final farewell to my breasts at a bar in Seattle. It was a world class “Ta Ta to the Tatas” cocktail party. Our signature drink was a special “Ta-Ta-tini” complete with two boob-resembling olives. A local food truck called The Box made an appearance. There also was an extremely lifelike boob cake, which was awesome.

A friend who is a designer even made me a logo that was printed on bra-shaped cookies.

It was strongly suggested to all the women to dig into that section of their closet that is labeled “Vegas only” and show as much cleavage as possible. It was a celebration of boobs! I’ll look back on that night for years to come as a powerful kickoff. It was a night surrounded by so many important people from all stages of my life. It gave me the strength and courage to take my health into my own hands and reclaim some control for the women in my family. The best part of the night was that my friends rallied together to donate money to this cause—we raised over $7,000 for cancer research.

Rob and I slicing my boob cake...

Then came surgery, which was not fun, but honestly, it wasn’t as bad as the horror stories I'd read online (don’t do that). From what I’ve been told, I came out of the operation room giving my husband high fives and telling my sister that the morphine button was like an On-Demand orgasm. The pain was pretty strong the first 48 hours, but there are drugs for that. My poor husband had to pull my undies down for me so I could go to the bathroom because I couldn’t move my arms. I guess this is where the “in sickness and in health” wedding vow comes in. I’m pretty sure, however, he thought he’d escaped this by marrying a woman who was eight years younger. (Kudos to my husband Rob for his incredible support!) My doctors recommend that I take four weeks off work. This recommendation was a bit extreme. I’m proud to say that on my four-week anniversary, I went for a six mile (very uphill) hike.

What became of my once-perfect natural boobs? With implant reconstruction, you don’t get to choose your size. Once I was fully expanded, my doctor ordered five (yes five!) different size implants for me. While I was under, she test-drove them all. As in, she literally put the boobs inside, sat me up like a puppet to see how they looked, and chose one. Even though I begged and pleaded with her to go with the smallest size, I ended up with the second largest. They apparently looked the best and had the least amount of rippling.  I chose to keep my nipples. This does give me a slightly higher chance of getting cancer but having something that feels like me was totally worth the 1 percent escalated risk. I have to admit, they look pretty good!

I never wanted fake boobs, but now I'm learning to live with them. Because there’s nothing between my skin and the implants, at times (especially under bright lights) you can see the actual movement of the silicon. My therapist advised not to stand under bright lights when inspecting my breasts in the mirror. Probably a good idea. I do have tissue from a cadaver on the bottom part of my breasts. Cadaver tissue = tissue from a dead person. Kind of creepy but science fascinates me, so I’m actually okay with it. I also have lost all sensation on both breasts, including my nipples. This part is proving to be the most difficult to get used to. I can feel pressure but nothing else. Strangely enough, they still act the same in cold weather or when I’m aroused. The worst part about the whole sensation thing is I get phantom itches. I’ll get the itch, but I can only scratch it mentally. Also, I just realized a few months ago that the implants never warm up to my body temperature. I guess that makes sense considering there’s no breast tissue to warm it up.

It’s been a year of ups and downs since I said goodbye to my breasts, as I've written about on my blog, Ta Ta to Tatas. Early on in this process, a great friend and mentor told me this whole experience would be “a mountain like no other, a climb like no other.” What I know now is that it’s proving to be “ a view like no other,” too. I will never again have to get a mammogram. Mammograms weren’t that bad, just sort of annoying. I get way more head turns in a cocktail dress or bikini then ever! My husband loved my old body but I think he’s pretty fond of this new one as well. Bras will forever be optional! Most importantly, I’m on my way to never worrying about cancer again. Like Angelina, I’ve taken my chances of getting breast cancer from 87 percent down to 5 pecent. I plan on starting a family soon and before now, my biggest fear was being diagnosed while I was pregnant. I’m only three years younger then my cousin was when she found out she had breast cancer. I do plan on getting my ovaries out once I’m done having kids, but that’s a whole different topic. I had 31 years with my old body and loved it. I’m still on year one with this new one. I don’t love it yet—but I’m confident I’ll get there.

Photo Credit: Lisa Loop; Sara Tro

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Boobs Craving Some Fresh Air? Go to NYC!

In the dead of summer, when you're doing a sweltering morning jog on the track clad in sports bra and tank top, no one can blame you for sending a Voldemort-scale death glare at the shirtless dude who's lapping you. Of course he's lapping you. You wish you could just rip your shirt off and breathe without getting arrested.

Little known fact: You can. In fact, you've been able to for over two decades, when New York's highest court ruled that public toplessness was fair game for women as well as men back in 1992. O hai, equality.

The New York Times reports that back in February, all 34,000 officers of the NYPD—who'd forgotten it was legal themselves—were given a refresher course that women going topless in the city wasn't a criminal offense. Officers "shall not enforce any section of law, including penal law sections 245.00 (public lewdness) and 245.01 (exposure of a person) against female individuals who are simply exposing their breasts in public.” The memo was read at no less than 10 consecutive roll calls, which means... topless for 2013! Woo!

Even if the woman's bare breasts draws an unruly crowd, the officers are instructed to break it up without punishing the topless woman in question. Groups like the Outdoor Co-Ed Topless Appreciation Society, based in Central Park, have been taking advantage of this for a few warm seasons now, stripping their top halves bare and reading in the grass.

So who do we have to thank for this reminder that we've got equal rights to go topless in public? The Bronx-based performance artist Holly Van Voast, who just filed a federal lawsuit against the city for 10 episodes from 2011 to 2012 in which the topless Van Voast was arrested, detained, and at one point even send to a psychiatric facility for an evaluation.

In the spirit of Van Voast, take advantage of the law this summer! I triple dare you.

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Image via Getty

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Don't Worry About Your Uneven Boobs, Jennifer Lawrence

Actress Jennifer Lawrence is pretty much flawless in our book, but she's has one body hang-up: The size of her breasts—specifically, the size of one compared to the other.

"I went to the doctor today and got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven! That was all I saw," she told Jimmy Kimmel.

Don't worry, Jen: You're the not the only one with this boob problem! We've actually noticed this phenomenon on our own bodies, so we asked Cosmo Radio women's health expert Jennifer Wider, MD, to give us the lowdown on differing boob sizes.

"It's very common," Dr. Wider said. "At least one in two women have slightly uneven breasts—the left is usually a little bigger."

There's no real medical reason why this happens, it just does. Us ladies aren't the only ones affected by it, either.

"Men have one testicle that's slightly larger than the other," Dr. Wider added.

So, don't sweat it: No guy is going to judge in bed because your boobs aren't the exact same size.

What he is thinking? "Damn, I'm so happy I'm looking at naked boobs."

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Photo: Steve Granitz/Getty

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