9 Saucy Sex Questions for <i>Ready for Love</i>'s Tracy McMillan

The new NBC reality dating show Ready for Love premieres tonight with author Tracy McMillan serving as sage-as-hell matchmaker. But are you ready for sex—and, more specifically—the nine burning sex questions we posed to our woman crush, Tracy?

Cosmo: Let's warm up with some sex q & a foreplay: How soon is too soon to sleep with a guy you are dating?

Tracy: It depends on you and what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for tears and crazy sexting, sleep with him right away. If you’re looking for a long-term committed relationship... I would say don’t sleep with him until you know that what you both want is a long-term committed relationship.

Cosmo: What if someone unwisely defies your advice, is sleeping someone she likes and it’s probably not going anywhere, but she can’t stop sleeping with him?

Tracy: You have to not sleep with that person in the first place. That is what I have figured out after 35 years of dating. Do not sleep with him in the first place if he doesn’t want to have a long-term relationship with you, and that is what you want from him. You have to be so brutally honest with yourself and if you can’t be brutally honest with yourself, go to your friend and give her permission to be brutally honest with you.

Cosmo: What if you are in a committed relationship and you like each other but you are not having good sex – how do you get around that?

Tracy:  Don’t have sex with somebody once and decide that whatever is going on is all there is ever going to be. I think it takes two to three months to really figure out what is going on sexually with a partner. When you have sex with a guy for the first time, he’s doing whatever his last girlfriend liked. Give it some time. The only problem is you can give it time and then all of a sudden you are bonded to him as an individual and if the sex never gets any better, you could get in a bind. But 85 percent of the time, it will get better.

Cosmo: Should you say something to him, like, 'This is bad sex?'

Tracy: Gradually steer them in the direction you want them to go. Be careful you don’t shame them. It’s scary; men do a lot more in sex in some ways than we do. They have more on the line. If we get bored, we can kind of kick it, but they can’t ever kick it. That’s why they like blow jobs so much and why we like oral sex. Oral sex is so great because there is no performing—you can just relax!

Cosmo: Do you think oral sex is more intimate than regular sex?

Tracy: In some ways it is. I feel more vulnerable during it. A dude is, like, down there and you feel like you are really being seen. They are evolved to want to be there, but it’s vulnerable also because the pressure is on to have an orgasm. Anxiety is the killer of arousal.

Cosmo: Some girls tell us they’re giving oral sex, but not getting enough. How do we get ours?!

Tracy: It’s really hard for a guy to really invest in you unless he’s invested in you. If you are gonna just hook up with a random, why should he go down on you? He doesn’t care and has no investment in pleasing you. He only has investment in pleasing himself for the night; that’s what hooking up is.

Cosmo: Should you hook up a lot to learn what you like?

Tracy: Not necessarily. I think you learn what you like by being in a relationship that’s safe enough for you to explore. I have girlfriends that have the best sex with strangers because they feel safe enough to really go for it and I know girls who only feel safe enough to go for it in a long-term relationship. Find what’s safe for you.

Cosmo: Are we still supposed to be ladies on the street and kinky freaks in the bed?

Tracy: Forget being a lady and being a freak – just dare to be yourself. If you can’t be yourself with a guy, maybe think twice about having sex with him. It’s hard because who doesn’t want to have sex all the time? But you don’t have to go all the way to sex either. What about making out in a doorway or in a car?

Cosmo:  Are women talking to each other enough about sex?

Tracy: Women want everyone to think they are having the best sex ever. You feel ashamed to bring up your problems to your friends. As you get older, you realize how much realer your attitudes and feelings become about sex. Find one or two safe friends who you can reach out to and say, “Am I crazy because I am into this?” Sexuality is an amazing thing – there are aspects that you are like, “Shit! That’s what I am into it? I am scared of that!” There’s a lot there and you will have a lifetime to learn about it.

Tracy McMillan is the author of Why You're Not Married... Yet and a matchmaker on NBC's new primetime reality show Ready For Love, premiering Tuesday April 9. She's also the mother of a 16-year-old guy.

Got questions for Tracy? Tune in to @Cosmopolitan #AskTracy tomorrow at 3 p.m. EST for a live Q&A!

Want more from sage love advice from Tracy? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit NBC

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

<i>Ready for Love's</i> Tracy McMillan: The Five Biggest Dating Mistakes You Don't Even Realize You're Making

I write relationship books. I’m also a matchmaker on a reality dating show. If I’ve learned anything in my job, I’ve learned this: WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW THE TOP FIVE BIGGEST DATING MISTAKES. Not the Top Four or Top Seven. They want the Top Five most obviously questionable things people do in dating– like having sex on the first date or drinking too much at dinner—and they want to know now, dammit.

Until you tell them.

Then you realize all anybody really wants to know is the top five mistakes other people are making. Because no one—and by no one I mean you—actually believes they’re doing anything wrong. That list of Top Five Biggest Dating Mistakes is really just a list of things you’re super-relieved you’re not doing and also it’s doubly great because now you feel superior to everyone who is doing those things.

Which is where I want you to slow your roll.

Because if you’re still single and you don’t want to be, it’s possible (actually, it’s probable) that there are some other dating mistakes you’re making. Ones you don’t even think of as mistakes, probably because you think of them as The Way Things Are. Since my goal is to help you have a great life, especially when it comes to dating—and hopefully avoid becoming a three-time divorcee like myself—here is my list of The Five Biggest Dating Mistakes No One Even Realizes They Are Making Because Everyone Is Doing Them.

1. Friends With Benefits. As far as I’m concerned, this is the mistakiest thing ladies are out there doing. Not because it’s wrong wrong, but because most of the time, it’s sooooo not working! The problem with FWB is that we tend to do it with guys we would be willing to have as our boyfriend–if he would just commit. But he can’t, or won’t, and since we still like him, we do FWB instead. I compare this to asking to volunteer at a company that doesn’t want to hire you. In other words, a bad idea.

2. Casual Sex. This is like Friends With Benefits, except with strangers. It’s a really great concept that would be so much better if it worked more than 13 percent of the time. Casual sex is, as I like to say, like recreational heroin. It doesn’t stay casual for long. Usually about three weeks, give or take. Then the drunk-dialing begins. The guy wonders who replaced the Cool Girl who was, like, totally Cool, with a passive-aggressive compulsive texter who wants to know why he’s not her boyfriend. I know a few girls who can have casual sex (lifetime ratio: 17 out of 1248 friends) and I’m sure you do, too–but if you’re not her (and you know if you are) do yourself a favor and don’t even start with it, unless of course you like stalking people on Twitter to find out why they’re not calling you tonight.

3. Taking Something Good Instead of Holding Out For Something Great. Or, Holding Out For Something Great When You Could Be Taking Something Good. Yes, I know this is confusing. How can both of these things be true? Here’s how: Because they’re never true at the same time. See, sometimes you’re in a phase of your life where you really need to stop dating like you’re on a game show where you’re blindfolded and given 30 seconds in the shoe department at Bloomingdale’s to pick out the one shoe you will wear for the rest of your life. Other times—and this tends to happen as you have more experiences in dating—you go overboard on your List of Wants and Don’t Wants and pretty soon, only Channing Tatum will work for you. But Channing is taken, so then what? And besides, you don’t want to be with a celebrity because they almost never stay together. Speaking of which—

4. Doing Relationships Like Celebrities Do. Celebrity culture is ubiquitous and unless you’ve never seen a tabloid, chances are you’ve been influenced by the way you see celebrities date and mate. Here’s the thing: You’re not on TV enough to make a sex tape and get a career out of it or get married to a guy you met ten minutes ago. So don’t. (When you become someone’s reality show sidekick, be my guest.) Console yourself with the fact that when Kim Kardashian is 43, that kind of reckless behavior won’t work for her either. Which brings me to my final point—

5. Dating Like You Have All The Time In The World. I know you are going to laugh in my face, but ladies, you are not going to be young forever. No one tells you this anymore because it’s considered old-fashioned and also because someone invented Botox, so now we all pretend our eggs will never age, just like our faces won’t. If at some point–not now, but AT SOME POINT—you think you want children and a long-term relationship (in whatever order, I don’t judge) you need to take your love life as seriously as you take your career. Okay, your hair. Condition it, keep it mostly clean (though, yes, sometimes it looks great dirty), and keep experimenting until you find what works best for you. Because what’s right for you is the first and last thing on that other dating list: Top One Most Important Thing You Must Do To Be Happy In Love.

Tracy McMillan is the author of Why You're Not Married... Yet and a matchmaker on NBC's new primetime reality show, Ready For Love, premiering Tuesday April 9. She's also the mother of a 16-year-old guy.

Every day this week, she'll be dropping (carnal) knowledge at Cosmopolitan.com.

Want more from sage love advice from Tracy? Follow her on Twitter.

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here