Showing posts with label Making. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Making. Show all posts

Monday, September 1, 2014

Facebook Is Actually Making You Less Opinionated

A new survey shows you're less likely to interact in an online debate if you're worried people won't agree with you (via Pew Research Internet Project). Way back before people even had the ability to click "share" on every single news post they came across, a human behavior concept known as the "spiral of silence" was used to explain why people are less likely to speak up in discussions where their opinion or viewpoint is in the minority.

Even with the added buffer of the Internet, people are less likely to comment on posts when they think their opinion might be considered unpopular. In fact, most people are even less likely to join in a debate online: 46 percent of people say they'd participate in a hotly-debated topic online, versus 86 percent of people who would be willing to do it in person. Pew Research used a pretty divisive topic — Edward Snowden sharing classified info — to study the effect that pretty much causes you to clam up if you think everyone around you will disagree with you. Even though the country is pretty much split on whether Snowden was right or wrong, participants were twice as likely to join a discussion where they felt everyone agreed with them. When you're scrolling through your Facebook feed, you're unconsciously scanning for posts that are going to validate your viewpoints, not challenge them.

People might avoid starting an argument on Facebook for other reasons though. If they don't know much about the topic or if they're apathetic about the argument in the first place, they might not bother posting. Just because someone has an opinion, it doesn't mean it's a strong one. But the next time you find a bunch of people patting each other on the back about a controversial topic, go ahead and challenge their opinion. Just don't expect anyone else to agree with you.

Follow Frank on Twitter.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

Thursday, August 28, 2014

8 Ways to Talk to a Suicidal Friend Without Making It Worse

It's sad but very true that everyone's had at least one seriously depressed friend they were kinda worried about and had no idea how to help. But depressed people are so often told that it's their responsibility to "reach out to someone."? That advice is, unfortunately, bullshit. ?

The reason it is bullshit is that so often when a depressed person does reach out to someone, that person reacts horribly, thereby causing the depressed person to think that reaching out to people sucks. These terrible reactions could include:

Saying nothing at all.Asking them why they want to kill themselves, as if that seems "weird" or "dumb."Changing the subject all together.Making a joke.Telling them not to kill themselves because "you're great!"

All that said, I'm obviously not a doctor. I'm just a comedian/writer/musician person with a tiny kitten named Katleen Hanna who happens to be made of magic. But I am also a person with an entirely too lengthy history of dealing with depression and suicidal ideation in myself and the people I love, so I can tell you that all of those things are incredibly painful to hear.

Of course, if you handle things poorly and your friend does end up hurting him/herself, it is never your fault. And even if you do all of the following things, your friend will probably still need to work through a lot of shit. But man, can saying the right things instead of the wrong things make a hell of a difference.

Here are eight simple things you can do when your friend either says he/she is suicidal or seriously seem to be:

1. Tell them you are worried about them.
Many suicidal people feel like people do not understand the gravity of the situation or the immense, unbearable, incomprehensible amount of pain you have to be in to legitimately want to die. Tell them you hear them, you see it, and you are worried.

2. Ask if they have a therapist.
Maybe they've already told their therapist about their being suicidal, maybe not. Maybe their therapist sucks. Maybe they're working on it, but it's still hard. Maybe they don't have a therapist and you can help them find one. Whatever the case may be, ask! But also make it clear you're still there to talk and not just pawning them off on a therapist.

3. Go hang out with them.
When I was suicidal, I can't tell you how many times I just wanted someone to come over and sit next to me. We didn't even have to do anything. I just wanted them there. So go!

4. Bring them something small that shows you're thinking of them.
If you know they're severely depressed or suicidal, next time you see them, bring them a juice or a smoothie or a soda or a key ring with something you know they love on it. Remind them there are still good things in the world and you care.

5. Reach out to them if they haven't reached out to you.
Maybe your friend just posts questionable tweets or Facebook status updates, but you have a feeling something is seriously wrong. Email them! Tell them you've noticed, you see them, you hear them, and you're there if they need to talk.

6. Tell them you have no idea what that must feel like.
Even if you've been through some serious shit, do not say, "I know what you mean!!!" Because at the end of the day, you don't, and it's insulting and hurtful. Seriously, even if you think you've been there, you don't know what it's like to be that specific person, and assuming that you know exactly how they feel can do more harm than good.

7. Tell them you don't want them to die.
You might be thinking, Of course I don't want them to die! That should be obvious! It's not obvious. No matter what their reasons are for wanting to die, hearing someone they know say they don't want them to die is huge. Note: This is very different from saying, "Don't die. I love hanging out with you!" which makes it about you and not them. They don't really care that they make your life super fun because theirs is really painful right now. It's all about framing it.

8. Tell them you have no idea what to say.
Don't know what to say? That's OK! But trust me when I tell you that saying, "I don't know what to say," is way better than fumbling for a joke or making a quick subject change or not saying anything at all, all of which can be hurtful. Maybe you don't need to say anything anyway. Maybe you just need to listen. And bring cupcakes. Lots and lots of cupcakes.

Follow Lane on Twitter.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

Monday, May 20, 2013

6 Sunscreen Mistakes You Could Be Making

Not an avid sunscreen wearer? Maybe you should think about changing your skin-protecting ways.

According to the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD), melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer and the most common cancer for 25- to 29-year-olds.

And since May is melanoma month, we thought it was fitting to raise awareness of this deadly disease (and prevent getting burned) by asking Debra Jaliman, M.D., a cosmetic dermatologist in NYC and author of Skin Rules: Trade Secrets from a Top New York Dermatologist, for her thoughts on the six sunscreen mistakes (c/o La Roche-Posay) you could be making without even knowing it:

1. You think you're exempt from sunscreen because you have dark or olive skin. "Even with dark skin you can burn and get sun damage. People with blue eyes and fair skin tones are more prone to skin cancer, but we're all susceptible to it. No matter what skin color you are, you're not exempt from skin cancer or from using sunscreen." 

2. You don't apply sunblock often enough. "A lot of people never reapply their sunscreen after putting it on the first time. Also, they tend to wear water-resistant formulas because they think it will stay on through a day of swimming and sweating, but that isn't true. Your SPF should be reapplied every two hours and you should always do the old shot glass trick. Filling up a shot glass with sunscreen and then applying that amount from the neck down will cover and protect you properly."

3. You neglect to wear sunscreen while driving or working indoors. "Through window glass, UVA light comes in and causes premature aging, skin damage, and possibly skin cancer, which means anywhere there are windows you're exposed. Even when you're simply walking from the parking lot to work or to the mall, etc., you're atill at risk of incidental exposure. Five minutes a day of exposure to the sun throughout the course of a lifetime adds up."

4. You use a sunscreen that blocks only UVB rays. "UVB rays are the ones that cause you to burn, while UVA rays are the very deeply penetrating ones that are even more dangerous because they cause damage without you even knowing it. They alter your DNA, eventually bringing on brown and white spots, early aging, broken blood vessels, and uneven texture."

5. You're using a sunscreen that has expired. "What happens, I've noticed, is that the expiration wears off as the sunscreen gets older. You'd never pour a glass of milk without checking the expiration date, right? So why would you use sunscreen that is supposed to protect your skin without checking if it's still good? If the date on the bottle has worn off, or you can't remember when you purchased it, toss it. It won't be effective if you slather it on and it's old, since the molecules decompose and deactivate over time."

6. You miss spots. "People end up getting badly burned on the tip of their nose, the tops of their eyelids, on their ankles, and the back of their knees. Why? They don't apply it in the nude. I always tell my patients to put their sunscreen on before their bathing suit, that way they're more apt to cover their entire body. Especially since some of these beautiful swimsuits have cutouts and straps everywhere—if you miss a spot applying SPF at the beach you're going to get burned."

Are you guilty of making any (or all) of these sunscreen mistakes? If so, we encourage you to take Dr. Jaliman's advice seriously and start practicing safe skin!

Photo: Getty Images

Follow Carly Cardellino on Facebook and Twitter.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

<i>Ready for Love's</i> Tracy McMillan: The Five Biggest Dating Mistakes You Don't Even Realize You're Making

I write relationship books. I’m also a matchmaker on a reality dating show. If I’ve learned anything in my job, I’ve learned this: WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW THE TOP FIVE BIGGEST DATING MISTAKES. Not the Top Four or Top Seven. They want the Top Five most obviously questionable things people do in dating– like having sex on the first date or drinking too much at dinner—and they want to know now, dammit.

Until you tell them.

Then you realize all anybody really wants to know is the top five mistakes other people are making. Because no one—and by no one I mean you—actually believes they’re doing anything wrong. That list of Top Five Biggest Dating Mistakes is really just a list of things you’re super-relieved you’re not doing and also it’s doubly great because now you feel superior to everyone who is doing those things.

Which is where I want you to slow your roll.

Because if you’re still single and you don’t want to be, it’s possible (actually, it’s probable) that there are some other dating mistakes you’re making. Ones you don’t even think of as mistakes, probably because you think of them as The Way Things Are. Since my goal is to help you have a great life, especially when it comes to dating—and hopefully avoid becoming a three-time divorcee like myself—here is my list of The Five Biggest Dating Mistakes No One Even Realizes They Are Making Because Everyone Is Doing Them.

1. Friends With Benefits. As far as I’m concerned, this is the mistakiest thing ladies are out there doing. Not because it’s wrong wrong, but because most of the time, it’s sooooo not working! The problem with FWB is that we tend to do it with guys we would be willing to have as our boyfriend–if he would just commit. But he can’t, or won’t, and since we still like him, we do FWB instead. I compare this to asking to volunteer at a company that doesn’t want to hire you. In other words, a bad idea.

2. Casual Sex. This is like Friends With Benefits, except with strangers. It’s a really great concept that would be so much better if it worked more than 13 percent of the time. Casual sex is, as I like to say, like recreational heroin. It doesn’t stay casual for long. Usually about three weeks, give or take. Then the drunk-dialing begins. The guy wonders who replaced the Cool Girl who was, like, totally Cool, with a passive-aggressive compulsive texter who wants to know why he’s not her boyfriend. I know a few girls who can have casual sex (lifetime ratio: 17 out of 1248 friends) and I’m sure you do, too–but if you’re not her (and you know if you are) do yourself a favor and don’t even start with it, unless of course you like stalking people on Twitter to find out why they’re not calling you tonight.

3. Taking Something Good Instead of Holding Out For Something Great. Or, Holding Out For Something Great When You Could Be Taking Something Good. Yes, I know this is confusing. How can both of these things be true? Here’s how: Because they’re never true at the same time. See, sometimes you’re in a phase of your life where you really need to stop dating like you’re on a game show where you’re blindfolded and given 30 seconds in the shoe department at Bloomingdale’s to pick out the one shoe you will wear for the rest of your life. Other times—and this tends to happen as you have more experiences in dating—you go overboard on your List of Wants and Don’t Wants and pretty soon, only Channing Tatum will work for you. But Channing is taken, so then what? And besides, you don’t want to be with a celebrity because they almost never stay together. Speaking of which—

4. Doing Relationships Like Celebrities Do. Celebrity culture is ubiquitous and unless you’ve never seen a tabloid, chances are you’ve been influenced by the way you see celebrities date and mate. Here’s the thing: You’re not on TV enough to make a sex tape and get a career out of it or get married to a guy you met ten minutes ago. So don’t. (When you become someone’s reality show sidekick, be my guest.) Console yourself with the fact that when Kim Kardashian is 43, that kind of reckless behavior won’t work for her either. Which brings me to my final point—

5. Dating Like You Have All The Time In The World. I know you are going to laugh in my face, but ladies, you are not going to be young forever. No one tells you this anymore because it’s considered old-fashioned and also because someone invented Botox, so now we all pretend our eggs will never age, just like our faces won’t. If at some point–not now, but AT SOME POINT—you think you want children and a long-term relationship (in whatever order, I don’t judge) you need to take your love life as seriously as you take your career. Okay, your hair. Condition it, keep it mostly clean (though, yes, sometimes it looks great dirty), and keep experimenting until you find what works best for you. Because what’s right for you is the first and last thing on that other dating list: Top One Most Important Thing You Must Do To Be Happy In Love.

Tracy McMillan is the author of Why You're Not Married... Yet and a matchmaker on NBC's new primetime reality show, Ready For Love, premiering Tuesday April 9. She's also the mother of a 16-year-old guy.

Every day this week, she'll be dropping (carnal) knowledge at Cosmopolitan.com.

Want more from sage love advice from Tracy? Follow her on Twitter.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

5 Sex Noises You Should Be Making

Without noise, there's no connection. So give your guy some verbal signals right when the action starts. A throaty moan is a good one for showing him that you're into what he's doing so far.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

5 Dating Screw-Ups You Don't Realize You're Making

The Red Flag: You wear smoky eyes on a first date

What Men See: We worry that you're high-maintenance, since that eye makeup looks like it took a while to do. Plus, that eye shadow could get on our pillow. And we don't wash our sheets.

Your Move: Skip the smoky eyes for the first few dates. Try toning it down a bit and distract us with one of those cleavage necklaces. It's pure and simple science that our eyes cannot escape the magnetic pull of a nice rack.


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Making Big Decisions

After much deliberation, Ben and I decided that the Mediterranean restaurant was the way to go. He was really sweet about it, telling me it was important to him that I have my dream wedding, but practicality won out. Unless we’re going to hire a wedding planner, doing the farmhouse will just be too much work. And a wedding planner seems too extravagant. Jenna offered to do it for free, but she’s already my maid of honor, which comes with its own set of obligations. I’d like to minimize the work my friends have to do for my wedding, and maximize the fun.

Ben and I were in the middle of comparing work schedules for the following day and figuring out who would have time to call the restaurant and hammer out the details, when Jenna called. She demanded to be put on speakerphone.

“You guys, I have the perfect space for you,” she began.

“Where are you?” I asked. “It sounds loud.”

“I’m here! Where you’re getting married!”

She gave us the scoop. An old gothic church that had been through various incarnations—nightclub, movie theater, flea market—had been granted historic status, and undergone renovation. They had reopened last week as an event space.

“It’s beautiful,” she said. “They have their own event staff, who handle all of the decorations, and one exclusive caterer, who I’ve worked with before and really like. And it’s totally affordable!”

“When can we see it?” Ben asked. He looked excited.

“Right now! I’ll text you the address!”

Ben and I got dressed and headed out to meet her. When we arrived, there were beautiful people in beautiful clothes spilling out onto the sidewalk. Jenna was waiting for us by the door in skinny black pants, stilettos and a fitted black jacket.

“Um, I don’t think we’re dressed for this,” I said, looking down at my jeans, brown flats and cardigan.

“Sorry. I should have warned you. There’s a fashion event here tonight. It doesn’t matter, though. Come in!”

She ushered us inside, and my mouth dropped. The darkness and heaviness of the church was offset by hundreds, maybe even thousands, of small twinkling lights. Jenna walked us through the various spaces we could use for the ceremony, cocktail hour, etc., and when we got to the large, lush green courtyard, I made my decision.

“Ben, I want to get married here,” I said.

“Me too,” he said, taking my hand.

And! They even had a white, modern-looking chapel space. When we got to that room, Jenna said, “Yeah, they’re going after the wedding market super hard.”

“How is this place affordable?” I asked.

“It has something to do with being listed as a historic site,” Jenna explained. “Because it was a church once, they get some sort of tax break if they perform weddings here, but they lose it if they make over a certain amount. It’s really complicated, but all I know is, you’re getting married here and you won’t blow your budget. And Leslie and I are probably going to have an event here like every week.”

I called this morning, and set up an appointment with the woman who books events. As it turns out, I can be practical and have the wedding of my dreams! Also, do I have the best maid of honor, or what?

Posted at 12:46 PM


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Making Progress

James and I both made some progress this week in our writing class. He managed to lighten up his story a bit, and I managed to give my story a little heft.

I added a fight/ambiguous breakup to mine, during which, my main character sleeps with someone else and blogs about it (sound familiar?). She never had any intention of telling her boyfriend, and when he accidentally finds the blog in her internet history, the crap hits the proverbial fan. It’s not done yet, and it doesn’t have a title, but it’s getting there.

When class wrapped up, I asked James if he wanted to get a beer.

“Really?” he asked, surprised. “Yeah, sure.”

We headed to the pub down the street and settled into a booth.

“So how come you changed your mind?” James asked. “I’m assuming you didn’t really have plans last week, because you looked like a deer in headlights when I asked.”

“I am such a bad liar,” I admitted. “The truth is, I wasn’t sure how Ben, my fiancĂ©, would feel if I suddenly made a new guy friend. And I wanted to talk to him about it. Navigating the waters of opposite-sex friendships when you’re in a long-term relationship is tricky.”

“You sound like you’ve been burned by that particular circumstance before,” he said.

“I was,” I admitted, and then told him the (very) abbreviated version of the Sebastian/Brendan debacle.

“But enough about me,” I continued. “I’m talking too much. What’s your story?”

James’ story is that he moved here a year ago from Atlanta, where he’d started a lucrative video production business with his ex-girlfriend. The relationship went south, followed by the business, and he’d packed up and moved here.

“I put all of my stuff into storage down there and just couch-surfed for about six months,” he explained. “Then I got the job, then the apartment, and over the past few months, I’ve been getting settled into the new life. But tell Ben he doesn’t have to worry. I’m completely uninterested in meeting women.”

“Because of the break-up?” I asked. He nodded. “But it’s been a year,” I pointed out. “It’s probably time to get back out there.”

“Nope. I’m done.”

“Forever?”

“Probably.”

“No you’re not.”

“You have this look on your face like you’re taking a mental inventory of your single friends,” he said. “And if you are, don’t.”

“I only have one, really,” I admitted, thinking of Ursula. “But she’s a little crazy at the moment, and probably will be for at least a couple of months. Maybe you’ll be ready by them.”

“Don’t count on it.”

James and I finished our beers and called it a night. I have a feeling we’re going to do this after every class. Maybe I’ll even invite Ben along next time. Or Ursula? Nah, too soon.

Posted at 10:56 PM


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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Making Progress

James and I both made some progress this week in our writing class. He managed to lighten up his story a bit, and I managed to give my story a little heft.

I added a fight/ambiguous breakup to mine, during which, my main character sleeps with someone else and blogs about it (sound familiar?). She never had any intention of telling her boyfriend, and when he accidentally finds the blog in her internet history, the crap hits the proverbial fan. It’s not done yet, and it doesn’t have a title, but it’s getting there.

When class wrapped up, I asked James if he wanted to get a beer.

“Really?” he asked, surprised. “Yeah, sure.”

We headed to the pub down the street and settled into a booth.

“So how come you changed your mind?” James asked. “I’m assuming you didn’t really have plans last week, because you looked like a deer in headlights when I asked.”

“I am such a bad liar,” I admitted. “The truth is, I wasn’t sure how Ben, my fiancĂ©, would feel if I suddenly made a new guy friend. And I wanted to talk to him about it. Navigating the waters of opposite-sex friendships when you’re in a long-term relationship is tricky.”

“You sound like you’ve been burned by that particular circumstance before,” he said.

“I was,” I admitted, and then told him the (very) abbreviated version of the Sebastian/Brendan debacle.

“But enough about me,” I continued. “I’m talking too much. What’s your story?”

James’ story is that he moved here a year ago from Atlanta, where he’d started a lucrative video production business with his ex-girlfriend. The relationship went south, followed by the business, and he’d packed up and moved here.

“I put all of my stuff into storage down there and just couch-surfed for about six months,” he explained. “Then I got the job, then the apartment, and over the past few months, I’ve been getting settled into the new life. But tell Ben he doesn’t have to worry. I’m completely uninterested in meeting women.”

“Because of the break-up?” I asked. He nodded. “But it’s been a year,” I pointed out. “It’s probably time to get back out there.”

“Nope. I’m done.”

“Forever?”

“Probably.”

“No you’re not.”

“You have this look on your face like you’re taking a mental inventory of your single friends,” he said. “And if you are, don’t.”

“I only have one, really,” I admitted, thinking of Ursula. “But she’s a little crazy at the moment, and probably will be for at least a couple of months. Maybe you’ll be ready by them.”

“Don’t count on it.”

James and I finished our beers and called it a night. I have a feeling we’re going to do this after every class. Maybe I’ll even invite Ben along next time. Or Ursula? Nah, too soon.

Posted at 10:56 PM


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Center here

Friday, January 27, 2012

Making Big Decisions

After much deliberation, Ben and I decided that the Mediterranean restaurant was the way to go. He was really sweet about it, telling me it was important to him that I have my dream wedding, but practicality won out. Unless we’re going to hire a wedding planner, doing the farmhouse will just be too much work. And a wedding planner seems too extravagant. Jenna offered to do it for free, but she’s already my maid of honor, which comes with its own set of obligations. I’d like to minimize the work my friends have to do for my wedding, and maximize the fun.

Ben and I were in the middle of comparing work schedules for the following day and figuring out who would have time to call the restaurant and hammer out the details, when Jenna called. She demanded to be put on speakerphone.

“You guys, I have the perfect space for you,” she began.

“Where are you?” I asked. “It sounds loud.”

“I’m here! Where you’re getting married!”

She gave us the scoop. An old gothic church that had been through various incarnations—nightclub, movie theater, flea market—had been granted historic status, and undergone renovation. They had reopened last week as an event space.

“It’s beautiful,” she said. “They have their own event staff, who handle all of the decorations, and one exclusive caterer, who I’ve worked with before and really like. And it’s totally affordable!”

“When can we see it?” Ben asked. He looked excited.

“Right now! I’ll text you the address!”

Ben and I got dressed and headed out to meet her. When we arrived, there were beautiful people in beautiful clothes spilling out onto the sidewalk. Jenna was waiting for us by the door in skinny black pants, stilettos and a fitted black jacket.

“Um, I don’t think we’re dressed for this,” I said, looking down at my jeans, brown flats and cardigan.

“Sorry. I should have warned you. There’s a fashion event here tonight. It doesn’t matter, though. Come in!”

She ushered us inside, and my mouth dropped. The darkness and heaviness of the church was offset by hundreds, maybe even thousands, of small twinkling lights. Jenna walked us through the various spaces we could use for the ceremony, cocktail hour, etc., and when we got to the large, lush green courtyard, I made my decision.

“Ben, I want to get married here,” I said.

“Me too,” he said, taking my hand.

And! They even had a white, modern-looking chapel space. When we got to that room, Jenna said, “Yeah, they’re going after the wedding market super hard.”

“How is this place affordable?” I asked.

“It has something to do with being listed as a historic site,” Jenna explained. “Because it was a church once, they get some sort of tax break if they perform weddings here, but they lose it if they make over a certain amount. It’s really complicated, but all I know is, you’re getting married here and you won’t blow your budget. And Leslie and I are probably going to have an event here like every week.”

I called this morning, and set up an appointment with the woman who books events. As it turns out, I can be practical and have the wedding of my dreams! Also, do I have the best maid of honor, or what?

Posted at 12:46 PM


From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Center here