8 Ways to Talk to a Suicidal Friend Without Making It Worse

It's sad but very true that everyone's had at least one seriously depressed friend they were kinda worried about and had no idea how to help. But depressed people are so often told that it's their responsibility to "reach out to someone."? That advice is, unfortunately, bullshit. ?

The reason it is bullshit is that so often when a depressed person does reach out to someone, that person reacts horribly, thereby causing the depressed person to think that reaching out to people sucks. These terrible reactions could include:

Saying nothing at all.Asking them why they want to kill themselves, as if that seems "weird" or "dumb."Changing the subject all together.Making a joke.Telling them not to kill themselves because "you're great!"

All that said, I'm obviously not a doctor. I'm just a comedian/writer/musician person with a tiny kitten named Katleen Hanna who happens to be made of magic. But I am also a person with an entirely too lengthy history of dealing with depression and suicidal ideation in myself and the people I love, so I can tell you that all of those things are incredibly painful to hear.

Of course, if you handle things poorly and your friend does end up hurting him/herself, it is never your fault. And even if you do all of the following things, your friend will probably still need to work through a lot of shit. But man, can saying the right things instead of the wrong things make a hell of a difference.

Here are eight simple things you can do when your friend either says he/she is suicidal or seriously seem to be:

1. Tell them you are worried about them.
Many suicidal people feel like people do not understand the gravity of the situation or the immense, unbearable, incomprehensible amount of pain you have to be in to legitimately want to die. Tell them you hear them, you see it, and you are worried.

2. Ask if they have a therapist.
Maybe they've already told their therapist about their being suicidal, maybe not. Maybe their therapist sucks. Maybe they're working on it, but it's still hard. Maybe they don't have a therapist and you can help them find one. Whatever the case may be, ask! But also make it clear you're still there to talk and not just pawning them off on a therapist.

3. Go hang out with them.
When I was suicidal, I can't tell you how many times I just wanted someone to come over and sit next to me. We didn't even have to do anything. I just wanted them there. So go!

4. Bring them something small that shows you're thinking of them.
If you know they're severely depressed or suicidal, next time you see them, bring them a juice or a smoothie or a soda or a key ring with something you know they love on it. Remind them there are still good things in the world and you care.

5. Reach out to them if they haven't reached out to you.
Maybe your friend just posts questionable tweets or Facebook status updates, but you have a feeling something is seriously wrong. Email them! Tell them you've noticed, you see them, you hear them, and you're there if they need to talk.

6. Tell them you have no idea what that must feel like.
Even if you've been through some serious shit, do not say, "I know what you mean!!!" Because at the end of the day, you don't, and it's insulting and hurtful. Seriously, even if you think you've been there, you don't know what it's like to be that specific person, and assuming that you know exactly how they feel can do more harm than good.

7. Tell them you don't want them to die.
You might be thinking, Of course I don't want them to die! That should be obvious! It's not obvious. No matter what their reasons are for wanting to die, hearing someone they know say they don't want them to die is huge. Note: This is very different from saying, "Don't die. I love hanging out with you!" which makes it about you and not them. They don't really care that they make your life super fun because theirs is really painful right now. It's all about framing it.

8. Tell them you have no idea what to say.
Don't know what to say? That's OK! But trust me when I tell you that saying, "I don't know what to say," is way better than fumbling for a joke or making a quick subject change or not saying anything at all, all of which can be hurtful. Maybe you don't need to say anything anyway. Maybe you just need to listen. And bring cupcakes. Lots and lots of cupcakes.

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What's Worse: Tanning Beds or the Midday Mediterranean Sun?

moving cross country, finding a great partner... or lobbing off all your hair a la Karlie Kloss). But don't fret: It's not an impossible task. It just takes some thought—and great advice.

"A lot of times people don't like what they're doing in their current job, but they haven't defined what they want to be doing in their potential new job," Nicole Williams, career expert and author of Girl On Top, tells Cosmopolitan.com.

She says nabbing your dream job starts with doing some soul-searching: "I ask people to assess components of their current working life, and match them against the career they are looking to get into."

Try asking yourself these questions...

Time: How many hours do you want to work and in what kind of environment? Big company, small, telecommute, work-from-home flexibility (you know, the kind banned at Yahoo!)

Challenge Level: How important is growth potential and being challenged to you? Are you ambitious and ready to lean in, or just looking for a 9 to 5 to fill your time?

Work Environment: Define your best possible scenario in terms of work relationships. Who are you working with and for? What kind of boss would be ideal? Do you have dreams of becoming a boss?

Passion: How important is passion to you? For example, a woman we know races triathlons and feels like she doesn't need to be passionate about her job; her passion is attached to her sport.

6. Money: How much do you need to make? How much money do you want to make?

Steps To Making A Career Change

Stop Delaying

"The longer you are in the job you are thinking of leaving, the further away you are from new opportunity," says Williams. "It doesn't get any easier. Doing it earlier is emotionally, mentally and professionally better."

Be Willing To Sacrifice Something

You may have to start from the bottom (or the middle) and work your way to the top; Either way, be ready to drop a few rungs on the corporate ladder.

"Internships can be a good idea—or be willing to take a pay cut," says Williams. "If this internship, for example, introduces you to influential people and helps develop a skill-set, you'll be able to take these things to leverage them into a bigger position."

Start Saving

"Have a solid idea of the risk and savings in the bank," advises Williams. Even if it means cutting back on luxuries. "If you know the internship is going to last for six months at a minimum, that's the number you need to have in savings, and I normally advise 10 to 20 percent in savings as a risk buffer."

Network

"People love to talk about themselves," says Williams. "Find them on LinkedIn and through people you know, and consult with them."

Williams suggests asking those in similar fields questions like, "I wonder if you'd speak to me about your day-to-day life; What do you love most about the work that you do; What do you wish you would have known going into this career?"

"Those kind of questions are going to give you the information you need and will help you know the people you are going to need to know," she adds.

Now that you are armed with more than just your resume and a fresh manicure, it's time to start hitting the pavement. Happy hunting, gals.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images">

moving cross country, finding a great partner... or lobbing off all your hair a la Karlie Kloss). But don't fret: It's not an impossible task. It just takes some thought—and great advice.

"A lot of times people don't like what they're doing in their current job, but they haven't defined what they want to be doing in their potential new job," Nicole Williams, career expert and author of Girl On Top, tells Cosmopolitan.com.

She says nabbing your dream job starts with doing some soul-searching: "I ask people to assess components of their current working life, and match them against the career they are looking to get into."

Try asking yourself these questions...

Time: How many hours do you want to work and in what kind of environment? Big company, small, telecommute, work-from-home flexibility (you know, the kind banned at Yahoo!)

Challenge Level: How important is growth potential and being challenged to you? Are you ambitious and ready to lean in, or just looking for a 9 to 5 to fill your time?

Work Environment: Define your best possible scenario in terms of work relationships. Who are you working with and for? What kind of boss would be ideal? Do you have dreams of becoming a boss?

Passion: How important is passion to you? For example, a woman we know races triathlons and feels like she doesn't need to be passionate about her job; her passion is attached to her sport.

6. Money: How much do you need to make? How much money do you want to make?

Steps To Making A Career Change

Stop Delaying

"The longer you are in the job you are thinking of leaving, the further away you are from new opportunity," says Williams. "It doesn't get any easier. Doing it earlier is emotionally, mentally and professionally better."

Be Willing To Sacrifice Something

You may have to start from the bottom (or the middle) and work your way to the top; Either way, be ready to drop a few rungs on the corporate ladder.

"Internships can be a good idea—or be willing to take a pay cut," says Williams. "If this internship, for example, introduces you to influential people and helps develop a skill-set, you'll be able to take these things to leverage them into a bigger position."

Start Saving

"Have a solid idea of the risk and savings in the bank," advises Williams. Even if it means cutting back on luxuries. "If you know the internship is going to last for six months at a minimum, that's the number you need to have in savings, and I normally advise 10 to 20 percent in savings as a risk buffer."

Network

"People love to talk about themselves," says Williams. "Find them on LinkedIn and through people you know, and consult with them."

Williams suggests asking those in similar fields questions like, "I wonder if you'd speak to me about your day-to-day life; What do you love most about the work that you do; What do you wish you would have known going into this career?"

"Those kind of questions are going to give you the information you need and will help you know the people you are going to need to know," she adds.

Now that you are armed with more than just your resume and a fresh manicure, it's time to start hitting the pavement. Happy hunting, gals.

Want more stories from Carson? Follow her on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images">Whether you're a doctor who dreams of doing hair, or a hairdresser dreaming of climbing the corporate ladder, career expert Nicole Williams has pro tips on how to get started.

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

What's Worse: Tanning Beds or the Midday Mediterranean Sun?

...If you answered tanning beds, congratulations, you're right.

Here's the sun 411: Tanning is bad for you, any way you slice it. However, a recent study published in the British Journal of Dermatology states that the risk of skin cancer from tanning beds is twice as dangerous as sunbathing for the same amount of time in the Mediterranean midday summer sun.

Lead researcher Professor Harry Moseley, consultant medical physicist at University of Dundee, explained, "The development of high-power sunlamps, along with clear failures of the sunbed industry to regulate themselves effectively, is putting young people at an even greater risk of skin cancer than we previously thought." His team also discovered that the risk of skin cancer was six times higher from one of the tanning beds, compared to direct natural sunlight exposure.

If that bit of info doesn't scare you out of using another tanning bed, we don't know what will. Oh, maybe this little factoid: The World Health Organization has stated that sunbeds are as lethal as cigarettes, and they are listed as one of the most dangerous, cancer-causing habits.

Unfortunately though, research has shown that despite warnings, tanning bed usage is still on the rise—even with the government banning under 18-year-olds from using sunbeds.

Basically, if there's one thing you take away from this post, we hope it's this: Tanning beds are the devil, and you need to steer clear of them at all costs, because the UVA levels they emit not only causes DNA damage (hello, premature aging!), they can also ultimately cause skin cancers.

Instead, you need to practice safe sun, and slather on SPF from head to toe when you're out in natural sunlight to protect your skin properly. Here's what to use on your face and body, in case sunscreen is a new concept to you.

Will these study results deter you from ever stepping into a tanning bed again?

Photo: Getty Images

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