12 Books That Totally Get Female Friendship

Friendships are rich territory for fiction and my personal thematic catnip. If I read a book jacket that says the word friendship, particularly if it’s got a female protagonist, I’m already halfway to loving the book. Next time you’re feeling nostalgic for your childhood BFF or that girl you adored in high school, or you just feel like falling into the story of two women not unlike you and your future maid of honor, check out these titles. They each capture the essence of friendships at different life stages.

CHILDHOOD

As a kid, I once built a fort with my neighbor in her backyard where we reigned over a menagerie of stuffed animals. I don’t remember what we called our kingdom, but it wasn’t much different from Terabithia, the imaginary sanctuary two friends create in Katherine Paterson’s incomparable novel The Bridge to Terabithia. Like Jesse and Leslie, my friend and I slipped in and out of the game whenever we felt like it — essentially, we lived halfway in an imaginary kingdom. The Bridge to Terabithia has one of the saddest endings I can think of, but the story also evokes that giddy, anything-is-possible-when-I’m-with-you feeling so well you’ll be glad, even while you’re sobbing hysterically, that you read it.

PRETEEN

In L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series, Anne and Diana coin the phrase “bosom friends” to describe their relationship. (Which honestly kind of weirded me out when I was a preteen and embarrassed by any word that correlated to a body part.) Their early devotion will be familiar to anyone who spent every weekend sleeping over at her best friend’s house.

“I’ll never have another bosom friend — I don't want to have. I couldn't love anybody as I love you.”

“Oh Diana,” cried Anne, clasping her hands, “do you love me?”

“Why, of course I do. Didn’t you know that?” 

In many ways, your preteen best friend is also your first love — there’s courtship and a promise (often including an exchange of jewelry!), though BFFs have a way better chance of lasting forever. 

ADOLESCENCE

I could write a whole post on all the awesome books about teenage friendship. But I want to spotlight My Brilliant Friend, by reclusive Italian novelist Elena Ferrante. The story is set in a small Italian village outside Naples, and it follows Lila and Elena from the beginnings of their friendship — playing with dolls, competing at school, terrifying each other with stories about neighborhood villains — to their late teen years, when their paths diverge. Though they’re both accepted into upper school, Lila can’t afford to go. She grows beautiful while working at her father’s cobbling business, her potential thwarted. Elena, meanwhile, suffers an awkward adolescence and is both tormented and inspired by her friend’s beauty and unquenchable intelligence. Ferrante captures the delicate blend of envy and loyalty that afflicts girls who see in each other everything they are not, and who, despite it all, share a fierce love.

HIGH SCHOOL

I’ve made high school a separate category from adolescence not just so I can include more worthy books, but also because high school can act as a kind of poison on even the closest friendships. In short, girls can be bitches, and if you didn’t learn that in grade school, there’s not a chance you’re getting out of high school without knowing that even the people you trust the most will occasionally stab you in the back. Megan Abbott’s Dare Me is the magnetic story of what happens to Addy and Beth’s friendship when the cheerleading squad they’re used to running gets a new coach. Abbott understands girls — she gets their sweetness, their complexity, and their ability to be completely vicious.

COLLEGE

Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl opens with a rift between twin sisters Cath and Wren after Wren decides not to be Cath’s roommate their freshman year of college. The story of how these sisters (and lifelong BFFs) separate and then come together again is moving and authentic. Plus, Fangirl has extra bonus girl-friendship action — the scenes in which Cath befriends her new roommate, the caustic and LOL-funny Reagan, are as entertaining as they are recognizable.

20s

Mary McCarthy’s The Group scandalized the world when it was published in the early ‘60s with its frank take on sex, marriage, breastfeeding and the horrors of early birth control (oh my god, you guys, PESSARIES). Cosmopolitan called it, “Juicy, shocking, witty and almost continually brilliant,” in one of its earliest reviews. The “group” is composed of eight Vassar grads tackling post-college life, and the novel weaves in and out of individual stories, so that the effect is a kind of collage. You see each girl through her own eyes and the group’s eyes, a narrative trick that underscores the permanent way college friends influence our identity. If The Group leaves you hankering for more, follow it up with J. Courtney Sullivan’s Commencement, a contemporary take on the same theme — except instead of Vassar, Sullivan’s “group” graduated from Smith.

There’s a scene in Emily Gould’s forthcoming novel, Friendship, that’s a straight-up echo of Anne and Diana’s pledge in Anne of Green Gables — except Gould’s take has a decidedly Girls-esque spin. Twentysomething Bev and Amy are sitting on the fire escape of Amy’s new apartment, drinking wine from paper cups, when Bev confesses that Amy is her “best friend.” The awkward tenderness of that moment, which will resonate with any girl who’s experienced the adult version of friend-courtship, sets the tone for this insightful book about female relationships and how they change as women approach their 30s.

30s

Recently I’ve noticed a lot of my girlfriends talking about “cutting the fat” — severing their ties to friends, even close friends, because they no longer have anything in common with them, or because the friendship has grown toxic. Lucinda Rosenfeld is a biting novelist, and with I’m So Happy for You she shows what happens when friendship turns sour. Wendy is used to helping her longtime BFF Daphne clean up the crazy messes she makes of her life. But when Daphne starts to get her act together, Wendy can’t handle it and sets off on a destructive bender that threatens to tear them apart.

If cattiness isn't your bag, counter the bleakness with Sheila Heti’s How Should a Person Be?. This book has been classified as a fictional memoir, because it’s partially composed of real-life gchats and email exchanges between Heti and her BFF, Margaux Williamson, a visual artist. Though Heti’s novel tackles a ton of complicated and personal terrain — her shitty relationships with men, her artistic dreams and failures — it is, above all, a vivid and modern portrait of two women friends. Williamson and Heti aren't just inseparable in normal BFF ways — they’re artists who share a passionate ambition for greatness in their respective fields.

MARRIAGE

The when of the marriage is less important than the who, and when I imagine my wedding, it’s my bridal party that I think of first. Why is it that marriage makes us want to reconnect with our closest girlfriends, even the ones we haven’t spoken to in years? In Judy Blume’s Summer Sister, Vix is the quiet, bookish sidekick to Caitlin’s dazzling firework of a personality, and the novel trails them through their summers together on Martha’s Vineyard. Years after they’ve grown apart, Caitlin asks Vix to be her maid of honor — and Vix says yes, even though she has a secret history with her friend’s fiancé. You’ll be riveted as both girls learn the extent of their capacity for betrayal and devotion.

FOREVER AND EVER

You’ve probably seen the AMAZING movie version of Beaches, starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey. (If you haven’t, now you have Friday-night plans — order a pizza, call your best friend, and get nice and wine drunk while you guys scream-sing “The Wind Beneath Your Wings.”) The novel is even better. The story of Cee Cee and Bertie's friendship, which spans 30 years of love affairs and jealousy, of closeness and distance, is a moving portrait of lifelong friendship. You already knew best friends can weather ups and downs, but Beaches is the perfect (and tear-jerky) reminder.  

Related: 

10 Books by Women You Have to Read This Spring

10 Things Books Taught Me About Relationships

8 Reasons Guys Who Read Make the Best Boyfriends

Follow Julie on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Sullivan

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13 Totally Ridiculous Wedding Superstitions

1. Watch out for blind guys and pregnant women. In olden times, a guy sent a trusted friend or family member to chat with his potential bride as part of the marriage proposal process. But if the person saw a blind dude or a pregnant chick on the way to her house, it was considered a bad omen.

2. Your last names shouldn't start with the same letter. Because it's bad luck, duh. There's even a handy rhyme: "To change the name and not the letter/Is to change for the worst and not the better." No wonder Henry CAVILL and Kaley CUOCO had no future together...

3. Don't get married in May. Another marriage rhyme of yore warns against weddings in the fifth month of the year: "Marry in the month of May, and you'll surely rue the day." Tell it to the gajillion brides who get married in this gorgeous spring month!

4. Your wedding dress color can predict the happiness of your marriage. While many women are swapping out the classic white dress for other hues, brides-to-be might want to think twice before wearing the following shades, which are warned against (once again) via rhyme:

Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead, (we know this one is really a myth because many wedding dresses in China, India, Pakistan and Vietnam are red, a traditional colour of good luck,) Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow, Married in Green, ashamed to be seen, Married in Pink, your spirit will sink, Married in Grey, you will go far away, Married in Black, you will wish yourself back (ahem, Avril Lavigne).

5. The wedding veil offers protection. While veils might seem outdated and even silly nowadays, they're supposed to ward off evil spirits, according to Roman tradition. By hiding the bride's face, the veil supposedly keeps any wicked ghosts and bad juujuu away. Does this include evil mothers-in-law? hehe

6. Spiders are good luck. Find a spider inside your wedding gown before you walk down the aisle? Shriek all you like but know that, according to English legend, the creepy little guy is actually a "best of luck omen."

7. Hungry cats—also good luck. One of the more outrageous superstitions says that having a cat eat out of your left shoe one week before the wedding is good luck. Does your cat barfing on your pillow count?

8. Don't drop the rings. Because you'll die. Apparently, if you or your man accidently loses hold of your wedding bands, whoever drops the ring will be the one to die first. Which is totally something you want to think about during your marriage ceremony.

9. Your choice of flowers can bring good luck—and bad. Roses symbolize love, which could be why they're so popular for weddings. But all of you pinning photos of peonies on Pinterest might want to think twice about including them in your wedding décor: Apparently, they represent shame. Wah, wahhhh….

10. Buy something ASAP. If you want to have the upper hand in your marriage, be sure to make a purchase before your hubby does, says one legend. One way some brides used to this? They bought a small item off one of the bridesmaids right after the ceremony. Sneaky, sneaky.

11. Let people throw shoes at you. Tudor custom mandates that wedding guys throw shoes at a newly married couple for good luck. (Thankfully, most people just tie a pair to the back of their getaway car now.)

12. Bury the bourbon. According to Southern tradition, you can prevent rain from ruining on your wedding day by burying a bottle of bourbon exactly one month before your nuptials. (But you might want to chug that sweet, sweet alcohol instead—especially when you're in the one-month-before crunch time of stressful wedding planning craziness.)

13. Let it Rain...or Not. According to Alanis Morissette, rain on your wedding day is ironic, but the jury is out on whether or not it's lucky. Good omen proponents say some nuptial drizzle can be cleansing, unifying, and fertility-boosting, while others say the rain represents all the ugly-crying you'll do during your marriage (single tear).

Photos: 1—Lionsgate, 4—HELLO, 5 & 13—Getty Images, 9—thinkstockphoto, 12,—Eva Russo, Photoladylove, Inc.
For more from Natasha, follow her on Twitter @NatashaNBurton

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Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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Totally Awkward Proposals

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Why Ice Cream Is Totally Like Crack

Know how sometimes you feel like you’re addicted to Ben & Jerry’s? Well…you might actually be.

According to a new brain scan study from the Oregon Research Institute, your brain pretty much thinks ice cream and drugs are the same thing.  

In the study, researchers gave participants milkshakes and scanned their brains. Later, they showed them a photo of a milkshake to measure how much their brain craved it, and then gave them a milkshake.

Over time, those who ate the most ice cream enjoyed it less during the new few weeks, but still wanted more of it. Scientists also found that the area of their brains that is associated with pleasure wasn’t activated as much when they had a shake.

That effect is similar to drug addiction—addicts get less and less pleasure from drugs over time, even though they continue to crave it.

Researchers said they decided to use milkshakes in this study because solid foods can't be fed to someone in the machines they use for the brain scan, but they theorized that other high-sugar foods would have the same effect (think: donuts, cake, candy).

Don’t get us wrong: Ice cream is awesome. Just maybe keep this info in mind the next time you find yourself tempted to go to town on an entire pint.

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