12 Completely Weird Moments From <i>The Bachelor</i>: Week 8, Part 2

1. Best Metaphor
“Falling in love is scary,” says Clare just before she and Juan Pablo literally take the plunge into the ocean. However, unlike the last time they swam together, they are actually swimming this time and not just having sex in water.

2. Most Understandable Reason Not To Have Sex With Someone
Clare is still super hesitant about the fantasy suite because he totally slut-shamed her last time they had sex. Which they’re still referring to as “swimming in the ocean.” Juan Pablo might have felt like like he’s sheltering Camila, but 15 years after her first swimming lessons at day camp, he’s gonna get stuck with a lotttt of therapy bills.

3. Most Arbitrary Daughter-Concern-Trolling
So “swimming in the ocean” is not something Camila should see, but man/woman sleepovers in something called the Fantasy Suite is totally cool? Just more proof that JP plays the daughter card to his (obnoxious) advantage.

4. Best Way To Set The Scene For Erectile Dysfunction
Have Chris Harrison facilitate your overly-regimented Night Of Sex like a pimp. The TV network that is making you have sex with this person has given you a gorgeous room decked out with a California King Bed with rose petals scattered over it by a bored USC intern, oh and by the way, America is watching. Go ahead. Try to get your dick hard.

5. Best Thing Juan Pablo Says There’s Nothing Wrong With
“There’s nothing wrong with thinking,” says Juan Pablo. Lolololol.

6. Best New Euphemism For Sex
A beaming Juan Pablo emerges from Andi Fantasy Suite Night. “We talked and laughed for hours. Hours. Houuuurs.” “Swimming” is soooo over.

7. First Woman To Do An Emotional 180 And Call Juan Pablo Out On Being A Dickface
Whoa, Andi! While JP is gloating over his successful Andi overnighter, Andi is wandering through the wilds of St. Lucia, shaking her head and wondering why she ever wanted to spent her whole life with this Livestrong bracelet-wearing dickhole. “There’s just no filter with him. He thinks he can say whatever he wants to say and we’ll laugh and fall in love with him… but it gets to the point where it’s not funny and it’s offensive.”

8. Worst Outfit Of The Entire Season So Far
Nikki. Your fringe. Oh my God. Has Free Spirit Lucy possessed you? Did you dig my 7th grade “hippie” costume out of history’s garbage?

9. Biggest Lie Juan Pablo Has Ever Told
As Andi shares her concerns, mentioning that she’d been reconsidering a lot of things about JP since Vietnam, he nods like he understands. “I think a lot.”

10. Juan Pablo Word Of The Day
Andi insists that he mentioned that she was just there by “default.” Juan Pablo insists that he doesn’t even know what “default” means. I kind of believe Juan Pablo.

11. Best Edit
Andi, rumored to be the next Bachelorette, pimps off into the horizon after she realizes that JP is little more than an unjustly arrogant, condescending set of abs.

12. Best Thing To Say During An “I Gave Things Up To Be Here Too, You Know!” Argument
While unlike JP, Andi does not have a kid, she yells that she left a full and vibrant life behind to go on the show. For instance, she says indignantly, “I missed weddings.” I will now apply to be on The Bachelor just so I can get out of buying the crappiest things on The Knot registries of couples I don’t really like.

Eliminated: Andi leaves, presumably to be the next Bachelorette.

Previously:
20 Completely Bizarre Moments From The Bachelor: Week 6
13 Completely Bizarre Moments From The Bachelor: Week 7
15 Completely Bizarre Moments From The Bachelor: Week 5
16 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 4
13 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 3
14 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 2
11 Insane Moments From The Bachelor Premiere
The Bachelor: Countdown To Juan Pablo Recap

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: ABC

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15 Completely Bizarre Moments From <i>The Bachelor</i>: Week 5

1. Exotic Destination Of The Week
To South Korea's relief, the harem headed to Vietnam.

2. Moment That Most Filled Me With Glee
Renee finally got the date card!
Also, Juan Pablo’s super-into Sharleen because she’s smart and “different from all the other girls.” He actually likes the good women! Which is nice. Too bad he’s a homophobe.

3. Most In Need Of A Xanax
The repeated pans to Andie’s worried face are tweaking me out.

Every time she doesn’t get another one on one, she frets annoyingly. It’s for the dogs! Also, imagine how Danielle feels! She hadn’t even gotten any airtime yet!

4. Most Likely To Pull The “Daughter” Card When It Suits Him Juan Pablo! If he can kiss My-Size Barbie Clare in a bamboo basket on a river in front of Camila, and everyone, and Vietnam, and God, he can kiss Renee at the end of a date like a goddamn grownup.

5. Cutest Kiss
Juan Pablo finally kisses Renee at the cocktail party when she’s in the middle of a sentence. So rom-com!

6. Contestant Whose Laugh Most Resembles An IRL Gchat Laugh
Clare. Hahahhahaha!

7. Most Likely To Inappropriately Say “I Love You” During Casual Sex
Clare. They definitely had sex in the ocean, right? “Went swimming” is henceforth a euphemism for full penetration? I wish Chris Harrison would tell me what sex is.

8. Moment It Became Clear That Juan Pablo Would Keep Being The Bachelor And Never Kick Anyone Off If He Didn't Have To.
That time he made out with Clare.
And then Sharleen.

And then Andi. Homeboy is NOT looking for love.

9. Weirdest Metaphors
Three-way tie. Sharleen: “I need to believe that he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears.”

Sharleen. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/uYlNa0YUsq

— Madalyn Starkey (@Madloid55) February 4, 2014

Also, Clare [about having sex in the warm ocean with Juan Pablo]: “You know when a baby giraffe is born, and has those wobbly legs?”

And Nikki: “[I like Juan Pablo so much that] I feel like I just stuck my finger in a light socket.”

10. Scariest Date Since Skydiving With Chelsie
Juan Pablo and Nikki are going on a date into a hole.

I don’t care if it is THE ROMANCE HOLE, I would never in a million years do this. Nikki also isn’t psyched about it.
“It’s like falling in love,” she says as she hovers 50 feet above the cave floor, shitting herself. No. No it’s not.

11. Most Evasive Juan Pablo Moment
When he tells Nikki he’s tired from last night, and she asks if it was because he was up all night nervous and excited for Romance Hole. He laughs, awkwardly. Nope, it’s because he was, um, up all night with Clare. His penis. Was up. See what I did there?

12. Lowest Standards For A Date
Nikki is shocked and thrilled that Juan Pablo asks about her job. Um, that should be date one.

13. Most Egregious Slut-Shaming
Juan Pablo shows himself as a true douche lord this week for telling Clare that he regretted "what happened when they went swimming" (SEX) and said it wasn't fair to the other girls. "Then why did you do it? You could have said no," asks a tearful Clare. He replies that he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Oh, please. He wanted to have warm ocean sex.

14. That Time Danielle Finally Spoke
It was about Clare "looking upset." Exciting.

15. Best Out-Of-Context Bachelor Sound Bite Of All Time
"I'm still having a hard time with what happened in Vietnam." Me too, honey. Me too.

Eliminated: Alli, Kelly the "Dog Lover," and Danielle. RIP, ladies. You were pandas in a room full of brown bears.

Previously:
16 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 4
13 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 3
14 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 2
11 Insane Moments From The Bachelor Premiere
The Bachelor: Countdown To Juan Pablo Recap

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: ABC

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

16 Completely Bizarre Moments From <i>The Bachelor</i>: Week 4

1. Exotic Destination Of The Season
South Korea.

2. Where They Definitely Should Have Gone Instead
North Korea.

3. Most Blatantly Ign'ant
Clare, who shrieks: “Korea? I don’t even have a kimono!” I mean, they also wear normal clothing, but SHE LITERALLY DOES NOT HAVE A KIMONO YOU GUYS THOUGH. By that logic, no setting foot in America unless you have a pair of cowboy boots and seven Supersize fry orders glued to your chest.

4. Least Sexy Reason To Go Somewhere
They keep reiterating with glee that South Korea is “the home of 'Gangnam Style.'” Not a panty-dropper. (Goddamn, it feels great that I forgot how to spell that and had to look it up.)

5. Most Likely To Have Been That Popular Girl Who Laughed At You With Her Friends When You Ran Into Her At Delia*s While You Were With Your Mom

Kat “I’ve Been Dancing Since I Could Walk” Medical Supplier. While somewhat humanized by the story of her alcoholic father —

It's weird that Kat is telling her sad story in her sexy voice. #confused #thebachelor

— Ben Flajnik's Hair (@BachelorBenHair) January 28, 2014

— she’s still such a Regina George, isn’t she? Much to her surprise, all that Stepping Up 2: The Streets did not score her the rose.

6. Best Way Not To Embarrass Yourself By Having To Dance With A K-Pop Group In Public
Don’t go on The Bachelor. Nikki? Are you listening? Having a low humiliation threshold and going on this show is like trying to lose weight while you’re waitressing at a restaurant called Deep-Fried Donna’s House of Grease.

Oh, also: I definitely LOL'd at going all the way to Seoul, South Korea just to go to a mall.

7. Number Of Times 2ne1 Was Repeatedly Mentioned As A Very Famous K-Pop Group
One grillion, trillion times. We get it, I promise.

8. Most Likely To Spread A Rumor About You At Work And Then Bullshit-Apologize By Saying "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way"
Elise runs to Juan Pablo to spill all the drama among the women because apparently she’s a rat fink dickhead. Oh, also, she apparently slept with The Situation in the hopes of becoming a reality star, so, yep, good judgment all around.

9. Worst Way To Ingratiate Yourself To A Foreign Country
Sharleen and Juan Pablo walking around the Korean market, eat things, and being like, “EWWW, GROSS.” Juan Pablo’s group date in the second half of the episode, which basically take a cue from SNL's Kevin Cavanaugh-san and Rebecca Stern-Markowitz-san: “Let’s do all the things that we stereotypically think comprise the entirety of Asian culture!” K, cool.

10. Thought I've Often Had But With "Penis Joke Maker” Instead Of "Opera Singer"
Sharleen: “At the beginning of a relationship, I don’t want it to have anything to do with being an opera singer.” WE WANT TO BE LOVED FOR WHO WE ARE, NOT WHAT WE DO.

11. Most Unexpected (But Good, IMHO) Date Rose
Sharleen, who is an unorthodox contestant for the show because she’s awkward and self-aware and does not use a sickeningly-sweet baby voice to communicate with other adults, admits she doesn’t particularly like kids. Juan Pablo gives her the rose anyway. Meanwhile, back at the Seoul Manse, all the other girls backstab Sharleen and each other about how everyone but themselves would be be bad moms. Keep it classy, ladies.

12. Most Like Tiny Fish Eating Your Skin Off
Those tiny fish eating your skin off.

13. Biggest Slut-Shamer
When Clare is cringing about eating the octopus:

"Dog Lover" Kellie goes: And last week, if you recall, she called Clare a whore.

14. Most Likely To End Up Being Shitty When You Talk About It This Much Beforehand
Making out.

15. Most Bullshit Reason Not To Kiss Reneé
Juan Pablo institutes the Great Seoul Kissing Ban of 2013, after kissing six women on the show, because he wants to “set a good example for Camila.” COME ON, DUDE. While he turns Reneé down, of course later he kisses Clare, because she looks more like someone who would stand on a rotating platform in a bikini and sell cars it just “felt right” to him.

16. Most Relatable Humiliation

This one’s gonna have to go to Lauren, who cried after she aggressively went for a kiss with Juan Pablo and he gently turned her down.

As Juan Pablo helplessly tries to comfort embarrassed Lauren: "Oh, that is a sad hug, y'all. My heart is breaking from that hug," simpers Dog Lover Kellie. Don't be so condescending, you might sprain something.

Eliminated this week...
Rat fink Elise:

And Lauren, who has some new baggage to bring home to her therapist. :(

Previously:
13 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 3
14 Insane Moments From The Bachelor: Week 2
11 Insane Moments From The Bachelor Premiere
The Bachelor: Countdown To Juan Pablo Recap

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Photo Credit: ABC

From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Amazon Beauty Ceneter here

Senate Completely Shuts Down Gun Control Overhaul, Leaving Obama and Others Furious

President Obama's attempt to refine (really, tighten) American gun control laws, featuring, among other things, a more thorough background check for potential firearm owners, was defeated on the Senate floor yesterday during a Republican-led filibuster.

It was a rage-inducing letdown for gun control advocates—and, for that matter, anyone who felt that more obstacles needed to be put between people and their guns in the wake of December's Sandy Hook massacre, during which 20 students and six teachers were killed. Ninety percent of Democrats supported the additional safety measures, while 90 percent of Republicans opposed it. In a subsequent speech explaining the day's proceedings, President Obama was visibly angry: "[This is] a pretty shameful day for Washington [but] I see this as just Round One."

Surrounding Obama during his speech were Newtown families and former Rep. Gabby Giffords, the target of an infamous assassination attempt outside a Tucson Safeway in 2011. Giffords survived a gunshot to the head, and six people on the scene were killed (including one 9-year-old girl).

Giffords, whose rehabilitation has been a slow, painful process, subsequently penned a scathing, powerful op-ed in the New York Times about the Senate's decision and the filibuster's ulterior motives for killing the legislature—for instance, the NRA's massive $25 million contributions to campaigns whose interests are also in their favor.

"I watch TV and read the papers like everyone else. We know what we’re going to hear: vague platitudes like 'tough vote' and 'complicated issue.' I was elected six times to represent southern Arizona, in the State Legislature and then in Congress. I know what a complicated issue is; I know what it feels like to take a tough vote. This was neither," Giffords, who recently visited Cosmopolitan with husband Mark Kelly, wrote.

The shutdown of these enhanced background checks was a particular blow; it was a major component of the proposed overhaul of the current gun ownership climate in America, and national polls showed that nine out of ten Americans supported it. For the last ten years, the institution of any kind of gun control legislation, from the extreme to the basically minute, has been locked in sort of a "two steps forward, one step back" environment; as some push for enhanced gun control laws, other push for the expansion and lesser government policing of gun ownership rights.

Senator Bob Corker (R-Tennessee) articulated the filibuster argument in The New York Times: "Like most Americans, I want to keep firearms out of the hands of criminals and dangerous mentally ill people, [but the change] overly burdens a law-abiding citizen’s ability to exercise his or her Second Amendment rights and creates uncertainty about what is and is not a criminal offense."

But the fight isn't over. As Giffords wrote: "I’m furious. I will not rest until we have righted the wrong these senators have done, and until we have changed our laws so we can look parents in the face and say: We are trying to keep your children safe. We cannot allow the status quo — desperately protected by the gun lobby so that they can make more money by spreading fear and misinformation — to go on."

Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw

Image via Getty Images

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