Kyle Chandler's Roles Ranked By DILF Level

9. Early Edition
The Role: Gary Hobson, a Chicago guy who gets the newspaper a day in advance and is able to stop crimes and tragedies as a result.
DILF Level: N/A. This is before Chandler’s DILFness came to fruition. Toss a twenysomething guy into a blender full of marriage, child-rearing, and life’s burdens and anxieties in general and hit “frappe.” What comes out ten years later is an 80-proof DILF.

8. King Kong
The Role: Coward-turned-rescue mission leader 1930s film star Bruce Baxter.
DILF Level: Too old-timey looking. More like a GILF, or an IOFiS (I Only Fuck in Sepia).

7. Broken City
The Role: Corrupt political campaign advisor Paul Andrews, who is secretly sleeping with Mark Wahlberg’s wife, Catherine Zeta Jones.
DILF Level: Definitely a perk of being friends (okay, frenemies) with his daughter, who is on your intramural soccer team but spends most of practice on the sidelines, texting on her pink Bedazzled iPhone.

7. The Spectacular Now
The Role: Miles Teller’s absent, alcoholic father.
DILF Level: Cleans the family pool without a shirt. Scares your pre-teen self with his chest hair in a confusing not-entirely-bad way.

6. Grey’s Anatomy
The Role: Bomb squad leader and eventual human debris Dylan Young (RIP).
DILF Level: While manning the BBQ during summer block party, makes special grilled portobello mushroom for you because he remembered you’re a vegetarian.

5. Zero Dark Thirty
The Role: Joseph Bradley, hardass Islamabad CIA Station Chief.
DILF Level: Gets eyefucked by at least three woman in the canned goods aisle of Shop-Rite while wearing a Baby Bjorn with a child in it and talking to it softly about soup.

4. Argo
The Role: One time you mention you like Pink Floyd and he excitedly talks to you about British prog-rock for like 20 minutes while you try to smell him without being noticed.

3. Super 8
The Role: Deputy Sheriff Jackson Lamb, who is mourning the loss of his wife along with his 14-year-old son. (Widowers: Consistent panty-dropper.)
DILF Level: Won’t look at your cleavage no matter how low your top is. Thinks you have so much potential.

2. Friday Night Lights
The Role: Coach Eric Taylor
DILF Level: Buys bagels for his daughter's friends in the morning after a sleepover, probably way too many bagels.

1. Wolf of Wall Street
The Role: FBI agent Patrick Denham, chasing down con artist Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio).
DILF Level: Has been one of the subjects of slumber party Fuck Marry Kill games. Daughter's already in therapy.

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Photo Credits: CBS, 20th Century Fox, Universal Studios, A24, ABC, Columbia Pictures, Warner Bros., Paramount Pictures, NBC, Paramount Pictures

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Stem Cell Facelifts Are Adding A Whole New Level of WTF To Plastic Surgery

These days, if you've got a problem with your face, some plastic surgeon's got an answer.

Fire facials, vampire facials, injecting poison into your frown lines ... what will they think of next?!

Introducing the stem cell facelift: For a mere $20,000, the procedure (not to be confused with the stem cell facial) takes stem cell-enriched tissue from troublesome fatty areas like the tummy or thighs and injects it straight into the face (how pleasant!).

Fans of the procedure are claiming it's better (and obviously more costly) than Botox. Practitioners of stem cell facelifts insist they deliver better results, since there are more fatty tissues in stem cells, so that desirable, less wrinkly younger look lasts longer, naturally.

But critics says this fancy-schmancy title is just another name for fat grafting—taking fat from a part of the body and putting it elsewhere—and that's been around for years. Others are saying that it still has some major kinks to be worked out: One account of a woman who dished the five-figure cost to a Beverly Hills doctor claims she now has a permanent clicking sound whenever she opens and closes her mouth. It turns out some of the stem cells injected into her eyelid mixed with a dermal filler and formed into bone. If that's not something straight out of a horror movie, we don't know what is.

There's a price to pay for beauty. But $20,000 seems pretty high for a facial that still needs to be test driven. And while we're at it, let us point out that stem cells might/definitely have more important uses right now than facial rejuvenation, like, I don't know, IMPROVING CANCER TREATMENT, researching all sorts of diseases, healing burn scars, reconstructing breast tissue, testing new drugs, etc. etc

That seems a little more important than a housewife's crow's feet, dontchathink?

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