It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m at the gym grinding my crotch and anus into a medicine ball. I can explain. Today, I am taking a private exercise class called Women’s Sexual Fitness taught by 57-year-old chiropractor and personal trainer Edythe Heus. For the next 50 minutes, I am going to do things to a bouncy ball that would have me arrested in most states (definitely Texas). The point of the class is to use your lower abdominals to awaken sexual energy and strengthen orgasms. It's Pilates Gone Wild.
It all started back in 1997, when Edyth was living in Dana Point, Calif. working as a private chiropractor for Major League Baseball players. After a few months of training something strange happened. “One of the players came into my office and asked, ‘Am I supposed to feel really horny after doing these ab exercises?”
Edythe was secretly relieved that she wasn’t the only person who had a mean case of the tingles after training. “Then another client asked me the same thing, and another, and finally after ten people came to me with the same question, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I was like, ‘The universe is telling me something!’ So I decided to start my own program.”
Although she knew she was onto something good, she didn't unveil the program right away. Afraid that teaching a class with an erotic slant might discredit her as an athletic trainer, she kept her sexual fitness program under wraps. Now that she owns three gyms, has over 100 trainers working for her and a dedicated client base, she's ready to share her expertise. "I want people to perceive this class, not as anything pornographic, but as a natural, essential part of health, wellness and personal fulfillment."
On the gym's website the class is described as, "a 50 minute class for all women wishing to awaken or expand their sexual fitness and energy to give rise to improved pelvic floor tone, sexual pleasure, enhanced athleticism, abdominal tone and feminine empowerment."
I'm sold. I enroll in the class and head to Revolution in Motion gym in New York City. Before I leave the house, though, I call to ask about the dress code. What exactly does one wear to a sexual fitness class? "Just bring nipple tassles and a hula hoop," the receptionist said. No, she didn’t say that, she just told me to wear comfortable yoga clothes.
When I arrive at the gym, Edythe is there to greet me. Standing under five feet tall, with miniature hands and feet and a pixie haircut, she looks like Tinker Bell in Sporty Spice drag. In a form-fitting tank-top, I notice her sculpted arms, toned back and flat abs, there's not a wrinkle in sight. If I look that good at 57, I'm throwing myself a party.
"There is another class going on at the same time as ours," she explains. "So we have to share the room." That means that while Edythe shows me how to work my bone-zone another trainer five feet away is teaching students how to blast their quads. Awkward.
The first exercise Edythe has me do is bounce up-and-down on a ball. It's kind of weird at first because we are both silently bouncing in unison and staring at each other. It feels like we're in some surreal performance art piece. I'm not sure if I should smile or say something. Thankfully, Edythe rescues me with some instructions. “I want you to feel your entire vagina on the ball, really press it on there.” Then she stares at my privates and asks, “Are you feeling anything?”
I make eye contact with one of the men doing calf-lifts on the other side of the gym and get red.
“Well...are you?”
“Yes,” I shame-mumble to the floor. “It feels kinda tingly.”
“Great! That’s just what we want!” She beams. “We are trying to move energy from your vagina to the top of your head. Tell me when you’re head is buzzing.”
After a couple more minutes, I start to relax and have some fun. “What’s so weird about two adult women doing synchronized erotic bouncing, anyway?” I ask myself.
After we both get mildly light-headed, we switch to another move. Straddling the ball we slowly move our hips from side-to-side. Within five seconds I realize something new about myself: I LOVE WORKING OUT! I am totally turned on and I even feel my abs getting stronger. By this point both Edythe and I are feeling way more relaxed and silly. We start cracking dirty jokes and acting like old drinking buddies.
The next exercise is on the floor. With our backs on the ground we lift up our hips and place our feet on the ball. Our legs are open wide in a diamond shape, stretching out the groin.
“This is a good exercise to prepare you for missionary-style sex and cunnilingus because it helps you to relax with your legs open.” “Oh, don’t worry Edythe, I know how to relax in this position.” We high-five.
After a couple more floor exercises and squats we are ready for the final cool down. The last exercise of class is maybe the best thing I've ever done. You just drape yourself onto the ball and rock back and forth until you're in a deep trance.
By the time class is over I feel like I've had a full body massage— just completely relaxed and totally horny. As I gather my things to leave Edythe calls out to me, "Good luck, Rose! I hope you have sex tonight!" Me, too Edythe, me too.
I turned to look around the studio one more time before leaving. I am sort of sad to part ways with the medicine ball after everything we've been through. “I’ll never forget you," I whisper to the used piece of gym equipment and then turn and walk away.
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