20 Boring Things Twentysomething Women Love to Talk About

1. The meaningless ways in which various alcohol affects a person. "Tequila makes me hyper." "Red wine drunk is like SO much sleepier than Champagne drunk." "I never remember ANYTHING when I'm drinking Jack."

2. How drunk you were last night. "I was so drunk last night. Oh my god, so, get this: I put a microwave burrito in the oven and FORGOT about it. And THEN — LOL — I fell asleep!  And I am SUCH A MORON — MY FAUCET WAS RUNNING WHILE I WAS PASSED OUT AND THEN I WOKE UP AND WAS HOLDING BLUE GATORADE. LIKE, WHEN DID I BUY BLUE GATORADE?"

3. The category of men you hate. "I hate American men, they don't understand chivalry." "I hate nightclub men, they're SO sexually harass-y."

4. Jennifer Lawrence.

5. How tired you are. "I just started House of Cards and I could NOT turn it off. Are you on it yet? God I'm exhausted."

6. Whether or not you should rent formalwear. "Have you done that before? Is it worth the money? I could buy four dresses on ASOS for the price of one rented dress, so, it's like, you know."

7. What you're naming your children. "Tess and Cora." "Marie and Vivian." "If I HAVE to have a boy, Liam."

8. Yoga. "I can do crow pose now. It's not hard. Just come to this class and you'll be able to do it, too. Omigosh and forearm stands!" [Friend then goes to class and fails to execute both crow pose and forearm stand.]

9. How hard that new exercise class you went to was. "I have done the Tracy Anderson Method and Flybarre and this class kicked my ass SO hard. I don't even know if I can go out dancing tonight, UGH! Oh, you're going to that club? OK, I'm in."

10. The Bachelor. "I hate Andi. I liked her but now I hate her. But I still hate Juan Pablo more. And his tank tops. He has more tank tops than everyone at Coachella combined. Asshole."

11. Snacks. "I can't decide what I want. Would it be gross to get an Almond Joy? Maybe I should just get a mini Reese's peanut butter cup. Or Baked Lays?"

12. How you're boring and old now. "I used to go out ALL the time. Now I just stay in with Ben and drink red wine. Does that make me lame? Or is lame the new cool? It's winter, whatever."

13. How you don't really use Facebook anymore. "I used to go on all the time but at some point my feed just got clogged with baby photos and I can't take it anymore. Oh wait, I need to check us in at this restaurant."

14. Hashtags. "I LOVE that dress on you. Hashtag FABULOUS!"

15. Kale. "Have you had that kale salad at that new place`? I like it because it has the perfect ratio of cheese to kale to squash."

16. Whether or not you use LinkedIn. "In creative fields you don't need it. I only have it just to have it but not, you know, use it."

17. How relaxing House Hunters is. "I hate everyone on that show but I love watching it. Did you see that 22-year-old who got the apartment in Paris for like a million dollars? Hate her. God House Hunters International is the best."

18. How you never have food in your apartment. "I don't know why but I can never seem to have groceries around. And then I go to my parents house in Ohio and it's like, eight kinds of Pepperidge Farm cookies AND at least three bags of corn chips. I just think, will that ever be me?"

19.  How you can't believe it's only whatever day of the week it is. "I can't believe it's only Tuesday. Doesn't it feel like it should be Thursday? I'm going to basically die before this week ends, I just know it."

20. How insane/dumb/terrible people you work with are. "I can hear him clipping his nails at his desk at least once a week. Doesn't he know that's grade A disgusting? Men are stupid."

Follow Amy on Twitter.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

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In Defense of the Boring Online Dating Profile

Guys with boring online dating profiles are the most underrated, untapped resource that those sites have to offer. They're regularly overlooked on dating sites for their straightforwardness, lack of snark or pretentious quotes — but in person, these guys can be funny, attractive, sharp, and simply better than some guy whose profile sparkled with quips and had an appealing, unique edge. Often, the people who are best at grabby profiles are horribly awkward and neurotic in person. I should know. I'm one of them.

By this logic, just because the Boring Online Dating Profile Guy isn't as adept at expressing himself in writing doesn't mean he's boring in real life. Plus, he might have a great job, many clean and nicely ironed dress shirts, smell like Dove, and exercise regularly. In movies, this archetype is consistently used as the pathetic foil of the turbulent, devil-may-care on-and-off boyfriend — the true love of the heroine’s life. The good-on-paper guy is meant to represent the wrong choice, the easy path, and a lifetime of blandness, and the poor guy gets left at the altar by Katherine Heigl as soon as Gerard Butler crashes through the church wall on his Harley, or whatever.

Let’s not confuse this with Nice Guy Syndrome, that obnoxious thing where men complain that women overlook them in favor of assholes because they’re just “too nice.” (Actually, it’s because they keep insisting on pointing this out. It’s like holding the door for an old lady or rescuing a kitten from a tree and then screaming about it at the top of your lungs. Who wants to date that?) Those aren’t the kind of guys I’m talking about. The ones I’m referring to are nice in a quiet way, not flashy or douchey or constantly "on" the way a lot of creative people are. A grown man who does his dishes, pays his own rent, calls his mom, doesn't have a carefully cultivated joke Twitter account and isn't in a noise band called Fingerbang is immensely attractive to me.

After choosing the on-and-off turbulence for years ("He smells like exciting!" your dumb brain says), you eventually come around to the idea that stability and maturity don’t denote “boring,” because “interesting” doesn’t really exist as one isolated category. Say you pick guys based only on how witty their profiles are. You might end up with a dude who says shit like “Dead flowers inspire me as an artist” or “Your melancholia is beautiful” and doesn’t take off his porkpie hat during dinner. That is truly boring. On the other hand, someone with a straightforward profile — no bons mots or hilarious anecdotes, just a mention that his favorite movie is Casablanca like the rest of the universe — can be witty, charming, and refreshingly un-self absorbed. It aligns with my good texters : bad boyfriends :: bad texters : good boyfriends theory.

Zero in-person chemistry is an immediate dealbreaker for any sane person, but basically, the fatal flaw of dating sites is that they don't account for the major in-person factors that make or break attraction: mannerisms, voice, smell, the sexy way he pushes his hair back, all the other things you can't wedge into "favorite bands" or "the six things you can't live without." I’m the last person to suggest that women be with someone they’re not in love with or could never see themselves falling in love with, but I am suggesting that going with the witty profile every time might be limiting your options. You shouldn't make assumptions about people just because they'll potentially hang out with you during the day and have a good work ethic and cook with well-cleaned kitchen tools from Williams-Sonoma. Also, Casablanca is a really great movie.

Follow Anna on Twitter.

Via Getty

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Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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