About That Time Blake Lively Was Attacked By a Swarm of Bees

Since launching her kitschy e-commerce site Preserve last month, Blake Lively has come under all sorts of bitchy criticism. British newspaper The Guardian labeled it a "pandering mess," while Lucky magazine thought the packaging was poor quality. Entertainment Weekly was confused, The Wire was confused, men were confused, period, said Jezebel. Even Martha Stewart said the site kinda sucked — not that Martha would ever use the word "suck" in public, unless in the context of complimenting someone's seersucker pants — and that has to hurt. But perhaps the most stinging criticism came from a rampaging swarm of bees, which recently attacked Blake during a photoshoot she was doing for the site. STINGING, get it!?!?!

Blake recounted the incident in a new essay for Preserve, which also discusses her birthday and makes all sorts of clever metaphors between bee stings and aging. It's titled "Happy Bee Day," get it!?!?!

Just yesterday, the final day of the shoot, I felt an electric shock of energy-- was it excitement that I was about to turn another year older? Was it nerves? Why did it feel like agony? I like getting older... I think. But this felt terrible. Does your butt quite suddenly (and painfully) deflate when you turn 27? Because mine hurt like hell …then my neck, back, legs and forehead. And oh my hands! They were shriveling. It felt like I was being shot by dozens of tiny invisible darts. I felt like the Wicked Witch, melting, melting, burning, melting.

As it happens, I wasn't being greeted by the onset of spontaneous aging, but rather a full-fledged bee day. Attacked. All over. Everywhere... I was a Monty Python sketch; running at top speed in no particular direction, whipping my arms and hands around like I'd just discovered they were growing out of my shoulders without my previous knowledge.

Blake then details her recovery, which involved throwing herself a twee, childish birthday party. (Where's Ryan Reynolds to do this for her?!) The shindig involved vanilla cake, fudge sundaes, and votive candles — many of which are, COINCIDENTALLY, items for sale at preserve.us. In other words, just when you thought Blake was indulging in a wistful creative writing project, it turns out she's trying to hock her merch. The cheek of it!

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Would You Get Married a la Blake Lively?

In case you haven't heard, former Cosmo cover girl Blake Lively and Green Lantern hottie Ryan Reynolds got hitched in a secret wedding ceremony this weekend.

According to reports, the couple of a year tied the knot in front of 70 people on a plantation in Mt. Pleasant, S.C. This is the first marriage for Blake, 25, and the second for Ryan, 35, who married Scarlett Johansson in a secret ceremony in 2008 (they divorced in 2010).

We definitely see the benefit of an over-the-top, Kim Kardashian-style wedding when you get hitched because, if all goes well, you only do it once, and you might as well make it good. But there's also something cool about keeping it intimate and under the radar.

What do you guys think—would you ever get married on the DL?

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Blake Lively's secret to bagging Leonardo DiCaprio

Sure, she's got legs for days, bouncy just-rolled-out-of-bed sex-hair and, of course, those famous boobs, but we've all secretly (and perhaps a little jealously) been wondering just how did Blake Lively manage to woo one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors?

Modeliser Leonardo DiCaprio has had his pick of Hollywood's leading ladies for years now, but just what was it about the divine Ms. Lively that made the actor change his lothario-loving ways and - gasp - even settle down with a 23-year-old starlet?

Blake's dating secret has now been revealed with news that the Gossip Girl star has been taking dating advice from the cult man-manual, The Rules. The best-selling book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, was published back in 1995 and instructs would-be girlfriends to purposely not call him, make him jealous and act 'busy' when he asks you out.

"Blake loves dating book The Rules and has been following it to the letter," reveals a friend. "She knew Leo could have any girl he wanted and she figured she had to stand out from the crowd."

Once Blake knew Leo was interested, she point-blank refused to date him... unless he officially broke up with his on-off girlfriend, supermodel Bar Refaeli. "Blake told him he had to break up with Bar before she'd even go on a date with him, so he did," adds the source. "She's making him work for it - and he's fallen hard for her."

What do you think - have you read The Rules? Do you play hard to get? What are your personal dating rules?

Wedding jewelry here