I Went To A Male Model Underwear Show Fitting Because My Job Sucks

It has been my consistent experience that there's a correlation between the hotness of a guy you happen to see that day and how disgusting you look.

Cute guy on the train : Your hair looks greasy.

Really hot guy in an elevator : You have day-old mascara flakes around your eyes and nobody told you.

Chris Hemsworth sighting on 8th Avenue : OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?! It must have crawled out from the bottom of the ocean and then raided the J.Crew sale section!

Once again, my theory is proven in spades — the day I was invited to the model fitting for this year's line of the men's underwear brand 2(X)IST, I was two days unshowered, wearing a dress that fit me like a potato sack, and looked like Seabiscuit. They looked like this.

Model #1, who is currently single, only dates about fifteen percent female models, and the rest "normal" (Muggle) women. Does he drop the "male model" line on girls? He shook his head. "I tell them I'm in the advertising business."

Excessive body hair is considered "unclean" in the male modeling world, although 2(X)1ST's casting director says that they search for men who look body-confident and healthy. He once worked on a major campaign for a brand that actually trimmed his leg hair and happy trail. (I am not allowed to tell you which one.)

Fun fact: As it turns out, they do all live in model apartments together when they're just starting their careers.

Does stuff ever fall out of your underwear on the runway? You know, like, stuff? He grinned. "Sometimes people on the shoot are like, 'Pop your balls back in.'"

Model #2 was from Australia and sassy. (It felt too obvious to use the adjective "cocky.") He came off like one of those rakish romantic comedy guys who makes Katherine Heigl take her Professional Woman bun down.

So do you mostly date models? He admitted that there are a lot of models in his group of friends, so it's a likelihood. Then he adds, charitably: "There are a lot of hot birds who aren't models."

In fact, he says, the last girl he dated was just a part-time model and VIP hostess. Oh, so you were slumming it, then. "No!" he said indignantly.

So are you single now? "Yes. Tell them at Cosmo."

It was around this time that I looked down and noticed that I had accidentally drawn on my hand.

I hit it off with Model #3 immediately, and we are married now. JK, he did not speak English and probably had no idea why I was there. ("Who is that ferret woman taking creeper shots in the corner? Whatevs, thinking will make me uglier.")

By the time Model #4 came around, I had given up on the questions, simply sat back and enjoyed being a Dicktip Inspector.

I only caught the last hour of the fitting, and these are less than half of the models walking in the show. Stay tuned for my coverage of the 2(X)IST fashion show on October 10th, which will probably consist of two lines about the show and 1,000 words about unsuccessfully trying to trick one of them into having sex with me. YOLOLOLOLOLOL.

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From Cosmopolitan.com. Visit Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here