Helen and Maurice Kaye got married on Aug. 27, 1934. Now 101 and 102 years old, they reflected on 80 years of happy marriage with the BBC.
"He once bought me flowers," Helen said, laughing, "They were all dead." But instead of gifts, the couple said the most important thing they've learned is tolerance of each other.
"I give in a little, she gives in a little," Maurice said. "And we both laugh at the same things, don't we?" added Helen.
Watch the sweetest video here:
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Rhea and Keith Elliott have been married for 44 years, the last EIGHT totally celibate. Rhea confesses that, “we’ve gone without sex for so long…I think to have sex now would be embarrassing.” Embarrassing is being at a party and using the word "irregardless." Having sex with your husband? Not embarrassing. She goes on to explain that, “if Keith made advances now it would be like getting intimate with my brother, or best friend.” Yikes. Somebody show these old folks the casual encounters section of Craigslist, stat!
The reason for their sex slump initially was that Keith was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It affected his erectile functioning and sex drive. But instead of trying Viagra he just decided to quit making whoopee all together. He says, "Even before the prostate cancer, we’d go weeks without sex. For me it was never the most important thing in the world, and I’d say the same for Rhea." Speak for yourself, bro. Rhea doesn't sound like the happiest jalapeño in the tostada. She admits, "During the first couple of years, I’d get very upset when Keith rejected my advances." No, duh. Being rebuffed for sex is the worst, especially for a woman.
I had a boyfriend once that barely ever wanted to "renovate my basement" and it made me feel terrible. Whenever I tried to initiate fun times he'd be like, "I'm sleepy, I have a headache." I'd be like, "That's what women say when they secretly think their boyfriends are gross! Destroy my pussy already!" Ugh, in-the-closet gay boyfriends are THE WORST.
The point is, it's a real ego blow to be in a sexless relationship. Also profiled by the Mail, Tracey and her husband Julian haven't had sex in a year, because apparently his job is stressful. You know who else's job was stressful? Eliott Spitzer's! And he managed to bang his wife AND hella escorts. Julian says, "We talk about rekindling our love life but never seem to get around to it. We had a weekend away at a country hotel a couple of weeks ago and I was so exhausted I spent most of the time asleep." I don't buy it. If I were Tracey, I'd be hacking into that man's cell phone and email faster than you can say, "My husband is sleeping with an underage Thai lady-boy."
The truth is that being intimate is key to a healthy for a relationship. Psychologist Leila Collins told the Daily Mail that, "Lack of sex in a marriage is the reason behind lots of affairs....men will pay for sex rather than risk losing their families." Which is to say nothing of women's sex drives. If people are unsatisfied in their partnership, they're gonna move on. It's a fact. In all fairness though, two out of three of the couples that were interviewed had some kind of physical trauma. It's not like they just woke up one day and stopped being horny. Keith had prostate cancer and a woman named Charlotte had a near-death pregnancy. It's understandable that there would be some fear around sex after a health scare.
But throwing in the towel on the whole business seems a little extreme. These couples need to start exploring and experimenting with pleasure. Sex doesn't have to just be pole-in-the-hole grinding. It can be watching Game of Thrones and diddling each other! Get creative, people!
Readers, do me a favor. If you're married, ravage the crap out your partner tonight. I'm talking duct tape, nipple clamps and Mexican wrestling masks. Go to 11. Do it for Rhea.
Want more musings from Rose? Follow her on Twitter.
Image via thinkstockphoto
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Much like the displaced victim-blaming we often see in sexual assault cases, the first back-asswards question generally asked of long ordeals as captives and sexual slaves – recently, like those of Amanda Berry, Gina De Jesus and Michelle Knight – is often “Why didn’t they leave sooner?” Not, oh, say, “How could this go unnoticed by neighbors for ten years?” or “Why weren’t the police more interested in solving the case?”
Ariel Castro, 52, and his brothers Pedro Castro, 54, and Onil Castro, 50, were arrested yesterday after Berry escaped the Cleveland basement with her six-year-old daughter (conceived and delivered during her captivity, one of five suspected pregnancies between the women but the lone surviving child) and called 911 to the Castro home, where the other two women were still trapped.
Since the tearful reunions of the three women with their families, the disturbing implications of indifference among neighbors and cops to the case are becoming increasingly clearer. Various neighbors insist that they've called the cops after witnessing strange incidents in the Castro home; The Huffington Post UK reports that at one point three women were spotted, naked and on dog leashes, crawling on all fours in the backyard, plus:
Elsie Cintron, who lives three houses away, told the Lansing State Journal her daughter had spotted a naked women crawling in the backyard several years ago. She says they called the police, “but they didn’t take it seriously.”
Neighbour Israel Lugo and his mother both contacted police after hearing pounding from the inside of the house and noticing plastic bags over the windows.
Meanwhile, the Cleveland police barely followed up with these various reports, and insists they never received a call about the dog leash incident. Either they're lying or the guilty neighbors are lying: Either way, it's completely unacceptable, particularly concerning Castro's long history of abusing women and children. His ex-wife Grimilda Figueroa twice reported domestic violence, once in 1998 and again in 2005. In 2004, he was fired from a school bus driving job for "inadvertently" leaving a child on a bus and driving around with the kid trapped inside for more than two hours. The Guardian reports that Castro had lunch at Wendy's after telling the kid "Lay down, b*tch" and leaving him on the bus.
Cops showed up at his door, nobody answered, and they left — the same year that Gina DeJesus had just been abducted. It's just so tooth-grindingly frustrating.
The Cleveland Plain Dealer writes that Michele Knight’s mother Barbara filed a police report on her daughter in 2002, but, again, it wasn’t taken seriously by the cops. Instead, Barbara says: "I had a caseworker tell me that maybe she doesn't want me to be involved with her life anymore."
And the 911 dispatcher who took Amanda Berry's call is also under fire for her lack of empathy — and, even more egregiously — her unwillingness to stay on the line with Berry until the cops arrived. Could these girls possibly have been MORE screwed over by Cleveland cops, emergency respondents, and plain old suburban residents?
Follow Anna on Twitter: @annabreslaw
Image via police handout
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Korin Miller
Korin is the site director for Cosmopolitan.com. She loves uncovering cool new research and learning more about what makes guys tick. Outside the Cosmo office, you can find her running with her dog, trying to convince friends to go to karaoke bars, and watching as much reality TV as humanly possible. Hit her up on Twitter: @korinmiller
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Michelle Ruiz
Michelle is the news editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's obsessed with interviewing celebrities and spotting the latest pop culture trends. Her life highlights include chatting with Ryan Gosling about sex dolls, dancing on stage at the Oprah show, and shopping with her mom on Long Island. Tweet her: @michelleruiz
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Dara Adeeyo
Dara is the associate web editor for Cosmopolitan.com. She's intrigued by all things digital. Dara loves playing with html and discovering new studies. When she's not reading up on the latest cocktail recipes (for work, of course), she can be found breaking it down on the dance floor or watching the Investigative Discovery channel. She also has a sick obsession with nail polish, elephants, and most importantly, Nutella. Dara basically lives on Twitter, so tweet at her and say hey: @dadeeyo.
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Elisa Benson
Elisa Benson is the senior editor of social media for @Cosmopolitan?so, yes, she tweets about sex for a living. Elisa grew up in Ohio, attended Colgate University, and wrote love and relationship advice for Seventeen before graduating to Cosmo. She lives for girly things (weddings and eyelash extensions and Pretty Little Liars?) and frequently tweets about all of the above: @elisabenson.
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According to a series of studies, being cheerful 24/7 can make you selfish, bad at arguing, and less successful at work.
One study found that people who said they were incredibly happy when they were college freshman later reported earning a lower income than people who said they were slightly less happy at the time. Researchers think it might have something to do with having a cheery outlook—if you’re content with your life, you’re not going to work hard to move up the ladder or change jobs to get ahead.
Another study from the University of Denver found that the more you try to be happy, the more upset you’ll feel after experiencing a sad moment, like watching an emotional movie. And research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology discovered that, when asked to divide raffle tickets between themselves and other people, happy people kept more tickets for themselves than people who were less happy. Those same researchers also learned that upbeat people are worse at defending their opinions in arguments.
So, should you try to be less happy? Scientists say no. Instead, you should just let yourself experience emotions as they come—it’s okay to feel bummed about something every once in a while.
